New Beginnings
User Topic: Out asshating himself
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

The younger two bananas haven't seen asshat for a year... last year, he sent them both away for different reasons, saying they were not welcome at his house anymore. The bunch tried to see him around Thanksgiving and about two months ago but he backed out both times, claiming illness (once the flu, once pneumonia).

Last week, BananaGirl14 asked if she could text him to see if they could meet up before we move out of state on Thursday. I said sure but don't get your hopes up.

I was honestly surprised when she said he made arrangements to drive to us (about three hours) and take them to lunch (at a fast food restaurant... one where BananaBoy20 works. Good choice, dude ).

Yesterday morning, surprise surprise... BG14 came in my room, sobbing, saying he'd texted to say he woke up sick and didn't think he'd be able to make it for lunch the next day. He asked for the next weekend and she pointed out, um, we'll be GONE then. He then said he'd try to get down to see her for dinner this week.

She is pissed. Baby banana didn't want to see him anyway. Oldest girl said screw him. Boy banana just said "It figures."

Dude. They are LEAVING THE STATE. Make an effort, FFS!

I just don't get it.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15415 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

I will never understand sperm/egg donors like this.
I'd like to nut punch ex-asshat for you (and your beautiful babies).

((( Banana14 )))

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6541 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

(((((the bunch))))) I'm so sorry, nanners. Your bunch deserves SO much more.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25776 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

What a miserable excuse for a human being! In a way it's good that you're moving, less opportunities for him to disappoint the kids again...

I'm so sorry for hearing what you and the kiddos are going through! If I may say so, I'd strongly suggest counselling for them once you get settled in your new place. I know I still deal with abandonment issues and related issues, and I wish I had started counselling much much sooner, because it would have helped much more much sooner.

Best wishes to all of you!

BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 243 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

I am so sorry for your bunch... My girls haven't seen the Doosh in forever either- the oldest since Nov 2011, and the teenager since July 2013.

How in the hell do,you just walk away from your KIDS? I don't and won't ever understand.

I hope the distance makes this easier on them, but I don't believe it truly will. :(

divorced the Dooosh
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.

Posts: 3612 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

I'm so sorry wb, but unfortunately, his behavior is nothing if not consistent. ((Hugs)) to the kids, and can't wait to hear how the move goes - you all have bigger and better things coming your way.

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4614 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

What a piece of crap he is! Hold the bunch extra close. They're good kids; he has no clue what he is tossing aside. Asshole.

Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Posts: 7824 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

(((lil nanners)))

It's a shame he is more wrapped up in himself than others. Sending prayers of peace out to your kids and best wishes with your move.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52682 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, May 4th (Sunday)


My heart goes out to your bunch. I'm glad they have a mom that is always there for them.

Posts: 35933 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, May 4th (Sunday)



I'm hoping she is too busy saying good bye to her friends and other love ones to be bothered with him!!!!

Man this type of shit pisses me off for you and your kids!!!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5284 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, May 4th (Sunday)

I just don't get this....I really don't. I can't even go a freaking day without at least calling to say have a great time at dads and I love you. How can one go weeks, and then bail out knowing their kids will be moving?!! I'm so angry for you and your kids. Such an ass

Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 304 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, May 5th (Monday)


I'm sorry he can't follow through but glad you're all getting a new start.

Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Member # 32554
Concerned  Posted: 12:46 AM, May 5th (Monday)

This breaks my heart for your children.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9829 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, May 5th (Monday)

So sorry for the bunch and for you dealing with their disappointment time and time again. Kinda sounds like he gets sick at the thought of being there for his own kids. How effing sad and screwed up is that?

Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2388 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, May 5th (Monday)

Awwwwwww....This breaks my heart for your children. What the hell is wrong with him? I don't have enough evil foul words to describe how I feel about an asshole that has no problems getting their kids hopes up and then dashing them. I am so glad that they have you to mitigate the damage from him.

((((hugs))) for you because I know how heartbreaking this is for a mom....

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 6:19 AM, May 5th (Monday)]

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15293 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, May 5th (Monday)


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1778 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, May 5th (Monday)


What a sad clown asshat he is.

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3213 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, May 5th (Monday)

Thanks all... and yeah, I'm starting to wonder if this is psychosomatic, that he can't face them because he's screwed up so royally.

They're good bananas. He has no clue what he's missing!

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15415 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, May 5th (Monday)

I've seen the pain that a child goes through when their father ignores them. I am so sorry your bunch is going through this. Putting distance between you will make it a lot easier. Then if he wants to visit he can make a very long drive before they even get their hopes up.

It is his loss but it is a shame that they feel the pain. I am so sorry. I hope you all enjoy the adventure of the move to the new place and the girls ae super excited about starting something new.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, May 5th (Monday)

I don't understand how fathers can neglect their children or treat them so cruelly like that. I'm sorry your bunch is hurting.

FTG and his supposed illness!

Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.

Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

Cheese and crackers.

What an douche.



Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21072 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

He is such an ass. Calling in sick? GFY.

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17860 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

This just makes my heart hurt. I'm so sorry for your bunch. What a complete loser.

My older two kids dealt with this with their birth mother for years. Every time she popped her head up in their lives, they always thought "this time she'll want me, this time she'll love me." She never did. She broke their hearts so many times. Now? They have no contact whatsoever. Stupid bitch. There's a special hell for evil people like them.

Give them some extra hugs and watch out for the aftermath - they're sure to have a lot of anger and hurt from this.

((You and the bunch))

"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5297 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, May 7th (Wednesday)

Sending hugs to you and the bunch from me and Lil Silver

Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 24