I guess the answer is.....Could you handle it if the answer is yes? I know, I asked several questions that I regret knowing the answer. I know my H was with me on my birthday, as we went out to dinner. However, he excused himself several times to go to the bathroom and I know it took a little too long to return. I know he was talking to her...do I really have to ask? It was a behavior that eventually lead me to ask.."WTF?" So, in reality, you know the answer was that he probably was. If your R is going well, do you really want confirmation of something that you know is probably true? You might. However, I know that it was just ripping off a scab for me.
Just know, that as some point, you need to decide, what really is important to know...I got to the point that I just assumed that when I thought he was talking to her, he probably was. It's just the way affairs are. It's all about the sneaking and the secrecy. Although, I would want to know if he took her away for her birthday...I just as well assumed that he talked to her on mine....To me, that was the least offensive thing he did...it was just part of the affair program.