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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Wearing your rings
IslandGirl18
Member
Member # 36781
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

Does anyone wear their wedding rings still? I took mine off in October but still feel naked with out them. I do miss my husband. The one I married. Not the guy I divorced. But my rings. I love my rings. They represent a time in my life where I felt so loved. Like never before. And I know it's not like that anymore, but the rings remind me of that feeling and how I feel about honor and commitment. I don't want to sell them. I don't want to wear them because of him. I want to wear them because of the way I honor and respect relationships. And they remind me that I did feel loved once.
I'm considering wearing them on my right hand. Not yet. Maybe in time.
What have you done with your rings? Does anyone still wear them?


me: BS
him: WS

D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012

Divorced


Posts: 101 | Registered: Sep 2012
sadcountryboy
Member
Member # 43058
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

Nope. Took it off on D-day. Bounced it on the coffee table like I was back in college playing quarters. She ran and grabbed it. Will not wear that band again. If somehow she comes out of unicornfartland and really tries, I might (might) consider continuing with her. But I will never wear that band again. It's tainted. It's dirty. It has no meaning. It represents betrayal and the unforgivable act. No way. Not in my life


Me: BH 34
Her: WW 30
Lived together 5-1/2 years
Married almost 2 years
D-Day 3/17/14
Affair for 8 months with a married man at her job
I don't even know who she is. Maybe never did.
Separated 3/21/14
headed to D

Posts: 67 | Registered: Apr 2014
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

On D-Day #2 I took off my ring. I continued to wear if for a while, but then I went out and got a replacement. I bought stackable birthstone rings for my kids.

Now I'm 9 months out, and I hardly wear either set of rings. I find that I like washing my hands and putting on lotion without having to take rings on and off. But when I do feel the need for jewelry, I wear my kids' birthstone rings.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1517 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

Rarely wore mine anyways before dday and sold it soon after dday because the ring represented commitment/loyalty/fidelity and that no longer applied. I used the money I got from selling it and took the kids out for dinner and bought I few things for myself. I haven't regretted it.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2112 | Registered: Oct 2012
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

I love my rings too. He didn't buy them or help me pick them out, so it isn't quite the same thing for me.
I took them off in early September. I was looking at them the other day. I think if I have them melted into one ring, they are simple enough that I could get away with wearing them on my right hand. After the weight loss, would fit best on my middle or index finger anyway.
I'll wait until after the D is final though.
Maybe you can get them melted together to make one ring, or you can alter the design a little bit.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/7/2014

Posts: 2132 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

It's tainted. It's dirty. It has no meaning. It represents betrayal and the unforgivable act. No way. Not in my life.

Exactly how I felt. It was like a manifestation of every awful thing he ever did to me.

I threw mine down a big hill 10 minutes after DD. The sad clown wore his for several weeks.

I didn't want an engagement ring so got earrings instead. I wore them virtually every day. I've misplaced them now but I will sell them and donate the money to a woman's shelter.

I used to touch my wedding ring a lot. It gave me comfort. I used to be so damn proud to be his wife. Yuck.

It felt very strange to not have it on. Like any new habit it took time to get used to.

I couldn't stand to have the ring sitting in a box as a reminder forever so if mine were precious I would melt them into a new ring to wear on my right hand.

I have an unrelated ring I wear on my right hand. I touch it a lot now and I'm so damn proud to be free of him. It reminds me that I am mine again.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5397 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

I think I had a sign. I fell on the ground while running one night and bent my setting on my engagement ring I was wearing with my wedding ring. It's not fixable. The stone was fine but the ring is bent. I had D-day soon afterwards, someone or something was trying to tell me something. I never wore it after that.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7456 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Rainbows
Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

I took mine off on dday (and our anniversary). I loved my ring and miss wearing it.

He also gave me a beautiful ring for our anniversary last year that I've never worn.

Since my ring finger felt naked, I bought myself a ring that I'll move to my right hand when the D is final.

Eta: I put my rings in a safe deposit box and haven't looked at them in a few months. It was too triggering to keep seeing them.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 11:08 PM, May 8th (Thursday)]


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 388 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
ThrownAwayTwice
New Member
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

I still feel naked without any rings at all, and the callus bothers me, so I wear a ring on my middle finger. it stops that feeling, but doesn't have that association. when I am really really sad, I wear his grandmothers wedding band, on my right hand. She was so strong, and it helps me feel stronger. I tried to give them back, but my MIL talked me into keeping both sets of rings. I have no idea what I am going to do with them.


TAT ~BW early 30's

Separated March 2014


Posts: 39 | Registered: Apr 2014
No12turn2
Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, May 8th (Thursday)

Yep. Phantom ring syndrome. It took a few months for that to go away. I still catch myself moving my thumb to my ring finger to spin the band that is no longer there. Took mine off when she threw hers at me


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 499 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Chickie
New Member
Member # 42390
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, May 9th (Friday)

I have two wedding bands - the actual ring with diamonds in it that I was discouraged from wearing to my last job (too showy) and the (ironically more expensive) plain gold band I bought to wear as a place-holder.

I can't bring myself to wear the ring proper, but I have to put on the place-holder ring every day for work. It will be a relief when I don't have to wear it anymore.


The other chickie (Please accept my sincere apologies, I didn't realise this username was so close to another.)

Posts: 13 | Registered: Feb 2014
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, May 9th (Friday)

I haven't worn my ring since he told me it didn't stand for anything many years ago. Recently I went with a friend to sell my ring to a jeweler. Turns out I can't even sell the diamond because it's not 1 ct or bigger, and the gold isn't enough to make it worth taking apart to sell for individual stones.

No replacement ring for me. No jewelry. I'm good without it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9237 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
IronRider
New Member
Member # 43315
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, May 9th (Friday)

Threw mine in the trash during a difficult evening during one of many false R's. Although asked to retrieve them (supposedly she wanted to continue in R), DS had actually taken trash out when he was supposed to and trash was picked up by then. Wouldn't have bothered at this point anyhow. No regrets.


Me: BH 50
Her: WW 40
Married: 17 yrs
DDay(s): Too many

Divorced: Mar. 2013

Our life does not always turn out the way we planned, but sometimes that's because what we planned wasn't suppose to be our life.


Posts: 19 | Registered: May 2014
GreatRoleModel
Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, May 9th (Friday)

Took mine after we told kids and I''m selling the gold and will use the stones to make a pair of earrings for one DD (sapphires) and use the diamond to make a necklace for other DD. All other jewelry he bought me is being sold on consignment right now. Funny thing is as I gathered all the jewelery none of it was my style but what he wanted my style to be...flashy so not me!


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 289 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, May 9th (Friday)

It''s tainted. It''s dirty. It has no meaning. It represents betrayal and the unforgivable act. No way. Not in my life.

Yep, I took mine off on DDay. Put it back on three days later, for three months of false reconciliation, then took it off again after I told her we were done.

A couple months after that, I sold the fucker, and used the money to partially fund a new banjo I wanted. The banjo brings me WAY more joy than she ever did.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1665 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
deena
Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, May 9th (Friday)

Mine are off since D-Day. I can't bear to wear them.


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2713 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
omgnome
Member
Member # 36888
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, May 9th (Friday)

My wedding ring is at the bottom of a lake. No fancy story of throwing it away in a rage, I was out on the lake with my wife and son and we were coming into the dock, I went to turn the boat hard with the outboard motor to come into the dock and at the end of the turn the ring just flew off my finger. I spent about an hour in 10 feet deep murky water with my brother trying to retrieve it while my wife sat by in tears. I don't think she ever forgave me for losing it. Less than a month later I would have DDay #2, and a month or two off of that discover that I had barely touched the surface of DDay#1.

I did really like the ring, I'm not a jewelry person at all, but this was a really neat carbon fiber and ceramic ring. It was lightweight, looked nice, and was really just the perfect ring. It was a cheap ring too, but it's the sentiment behind it that matters. I ended up finding a replacement online for $25 (paid $100 at the jewelry store for the original). I wore the replacement for over a year (the original was lost after about 9 months of being married). After I separated from my wife I wore it less and less eventually just putting it on for when I would be around her. The last time I wore it was the day that I told her I wanted a divorce. After I left that counseling session I took it off and put it in the change holder of my car. About a week ago I transferred that car to her parent and emptied out the car. I think it's sitting in a box somewhere who knows. If it fell out and was lost it wouldn't bother me, what it stood for is long dead and gone. The symbol it stood for (the love and care of my wife for me) was really only pure for a week or so after our marriage anyways.

The real shame I think about it is going to be trying to find a new ring if I get married. The one I had was really the perfect ring for me. I'm sure when/if the time comes I'll find something right.


BS

Posts: 211 | Registered: Sep 2012
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, May 9th (Friday)

I still have my engagement ring I plan to sell when I meet someone fabulous to pay for my part of our trip to Hawaii...

Seriously, I don''t know what I''ll do with it. Not saving it to give to DGS for his future bride, as it''s tainted. I sold the cheap band we used when we got married. I paid for it. It only cost $27 (the jeweler was a friend of my grandmother.)

I still have the southwestern style band we bought when the X decided he finally wanted a wedding ring (this was 20+ years after we married.) I like it and it has no real meaning. Never used in a ceremony. Not given as a gift. I bought mine, and he bought his. I wear it from time to time as a right hand ring.

After the betrayal, I bought myself a plain silver band that reads, "To thine ownself be true" and used it as my ''unwedding ring'' because I took off all of the previously mentioned jewelry. I still wear that most of the time.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19779 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
butterfly13
New Member
Member # 41847
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

Had to chime in here cause thus is just too good. Took mine off on Dday straight away. Confiscated WH's vile ring; he said he never took it off during his LTA, and often tapped it on table in front of AP to remind her that he was committed to his wife (?!?!?) and their relationship was never going to be anything more than physical. How fucked up and disgusting is that! !!


Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 14 yrs
DS:9, DD:5
DDay: Aug '13 LTA

Posts: 28 | Registered: Dec 2013
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

^^ yep - one of my questions was did you wear your ring while fucking her?

He looked at me aghast. "OF COURSE I DID!!"... I asked "Why?" and he responded because... wait for it.... "taking it off would have felt wrong."

I may have misheard our vows but I'm pretty sure they didn't say it was OK to fuck any whore you like but just keep your ring on. Fuckwit - I should have asked if he wore it as a cock ring.

I can laugh about the absurdity of it now - it was just as absurd back then but not quite as funny.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5397 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
justinpaintoday
Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

I went to where I proposed 20 yrs ago. Took it off and chucked it into the pond. It's just a piece of metal now.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, May 10th (Saturday)

This was hard for me, too. People would comment on it because I wore it so long. One person checked every time I used to visit...I don't visit him anymore.

I still have the rings but what helped was a replacement I bought with my own money.

When the first occassions came around, I went and picked out a ring for myself that would be valentine and b'day gift combo on the first anniversary. It helped with that transition.

I may give my engagement ring to my daughter some day. Or sell it. Right now it feels like it's on fire if I touch it. So it stays in a drawer and I do not look.

ETA it was always a symbol for me of being in a couple. The weight of it reminded me often that I was part of something bigger than myself.

But, I still am. I just have to look harder in life to find where I belong. I think as a single person, it's harder to do.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 7:36 PM, May 10th (Saturday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, May 10th (Saturday)

^ yep - one of my questions was did you wear your ring while fucking her?

Asked same question. He told me he wore it so she would know that he was never going to leave his wife. It was like he was proud to tell me he had put up these boundaries while he continued to fuck her for over 6 years. Well, thank you! That was a damn comfort for me.

As for my rings I sold the false R ring. The original engagement ring is too puny (well that is somewhat symbolic)to be worth much!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1583 | Registered: Mar 2004
ThrownAwayTwice
New Member
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, May 10th (Saturday)

the teenager was still living with her mother when they started. I asked him if he wore his ring in front of her mother. He insisted that he did, but admitted to his sister that he didn't.
there was a point in this mess after DDay that I was trying to make it work, and he was insisting that he had to have both of us that he lost his ring. I knew right then that he was taking it off with her. how else would he not notice it missing for hours? (ironically, it turned out to be in the garbage)


TAT ~BW early 30's

Separated March 2014


Posts: 39 | Registered: Apr 2014
wonderpets
Member
Member # 35901
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, May 11th (Sunday)

I thought that toilet was a good place for mine. Flushed it that night.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Jun 2012
IslandGirl18
Member
Member # 36781
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, May 11th (Sunday)

These posts are incredible. Thanks for responding.

I took my rings out and wore them. I left my house with them on. I felt like an imposter. All this time I felt so naked without them. The rings were symbols of the vows and the love. All broken now. My nakedness was really me starting this new life he forced me to live. The rings aren't a part of it anymore.

So, the rings are beautiful. Always were. Always will be. They are worth quite a bit of money. I can never wear them again because, in truth, despite their monetary value, they are worthless to me. And the genuine value to me was that my wearing those rings represented to the world that I was married and loved and I loved someone enough to commit my life to him.

The solid genuine value is me being true to myself. I will never, ever, ever let someone treat me with such disrespect and disregard again.

I don't need to wear a ring to know that I was faithful. I'm worth so much more than that.


me: BS
him: WS

D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012

Divorced


Posts: 101 | Registered: Sep 2012
WestMonroe91
Member
Member # 41999
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, May 11th (Sunday)

I sold mine back in January when I knew it was over. I have the funds saved to buy something or celebrate when D is final. I just took what the jeweler offered. I just didn't want to prolong the process trying to get a better price someplace else. Strange thing is that WW wanted out but is now prolonging the process because she does not want to split our assets 50/50. She is driving up legal fees mindlessly.

[This message edited by WestMonroe91 at 7:22 PM, May 11th (Sunday)]


BS-59 (me)
WS-48
DD-25, DS-20, DS-19

Posts: 60 | Registered: Jan 2014
Linus1968
Member
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, May 11th (Sunday)

I wore mine, but because of the weight loss for the divorce diet. It slipped off while floating/swimming down a river. I didn't notice it till I got out.
I didn't even have the chance to pawn it off

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 15, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 236 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Hell, and my X is the mayor (FL)
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, May 11th (Sunday)

The solid genuine value is me being true to myself. I will never, ever, ever let someone treat me with such disrespect and disregard again.

Nice, IslandGirl. You get an A+


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1665 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Acer0112
Member
Member # 43241
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, May 11th (Sunday)

WH and I still haven't officially publicly declared separation and divorce except to just a few friends and family. So I still wear mine when on lunch dates with old mutual friends and to some school and sport events, but honestly it feels tight and uncomfortable. I feel like I'm lying wearing it. I don't wear it when I work out, so people haven't asked since I'm in yoga or hiking pants a lot. I noticed WH took his off more lately too. I'm not sure what I will do with it. It is valuable, being listed as an asset. I did chuck it at him early on in our discovery, that felt good.


"Don't let the mistakes and disappointments of the past control and direct your future." Zig Ziglar

D-Day 1/24/14
D-Day2 04/08/14, false R
16yrs married, 22 yrs together
Separated, divorcing


Posts: 168 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 30