SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Do I have any rights
Acer0112
Member
Member # 43241
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

WH is being secretive during our separation, I get it, he is done and doesn't want me to know what he does. But we are barely starting our Mediation - interview hoping next week - I'm meeting with L on Monday to get more info...

Anyway, there is a weekend coming up that he requested off, doesn't want kids, so I know OW is coming into town - she lives out of state.

I couldn't help myself and snooped.

So he is using some credit card miles and so far $120 and is flying her in. I'm sick to my stomach - why can't he just respect me and stop this craziness until we are divorced - or in his mind - legally separated.

Do I have any rights to complain - he is using our joint money and points for his A again. In his mind we are done - so I'm sure he thinks it's his share.

Or, do I keep this to myself, and bring info to my L. I am in a no-fault state so A has nothing to do with settlement. L mentioned I might be able to request half of his expenditures back, but I wonder if that is only if it's a lot. So far I've calculated maybe $2000-3000 on his A last winter and now this going on since March.

Help - I just want to scream - I think he is taking her to his family condo that we always go to. I just can't handle this. Second time she is here, first time to our family places. Well, at least I know my photo is still on the wall with our kids. I'm so mad - I don't even want to look at WH tomorrow at our son's soccer game. I know - 180 - it doesn't matter - stop looking for pain...it's just not right and I want to tell his sisters and parents what a scum he is being, but feel like that is crossing the line.


D-Day 1/24/14
D-Day2 04/08/14, false R
16yrs married, 22 yrs together
Separated, divorcing

Posts: 193 | Registered: Apr 2014
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

There is nothing you can do to stop him seeing her. Gently, he was doing this before you were separated and there was nothing you could do to stop him.

I know it hurts. I had to endure the sad clowns coochie coo phone calls to DDOW immediately after DD.

You should be able to get the $$ back - it is joint funds and I think you may be entitled to the points too.

You are separated. What he does and with whom is none of your business.

I know it doesn't feel like it but one day you'll see this extreme fuckery as a gift. The hurt will turn into anger and you'll use that to fuel the strength to walk away from this pile of steaming shit coward motherfucker.

I would keep it all to yourself and tell them and everyone what he is doing after you have taken legal action. Don't show him your hand. You might need to use this as leverage one day.

Take heart that she isn't his soulmate schmoopie - she is just that parasites next host. She didn't get the man you thought you married - she got this douchebag you are divorcing. Once real life kicks in he'll be the same guy you've been enduring.

Please channel this hurt into getting this guy e fuck out of your life. He is undeserving of any of you - not your love, not your hurt, not your anger.

You know exactly what he is now. I know it burns your eyes. Boy do I know how much it burns your eyes. I thought I would die of heartbreak, I really did. The cruelty was as astonishing as it was ice cold. That he did it so easily confirms to me that he is indeed soulless.

((Acer0112))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5560 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

Yes, you do have rights as far as marital fund being spent on an adulterous affair. I, too, live in a no-fault state. I was able to prove via bank records a large sum of money that he outright gave to the OW in cash (transferred to her account from his account). I was awarded half that amount given back to me in the divorce. He was FURIOUS! LOL

However, I was not able to recoup a single cent of the money he spent on travel expenses, gifts, hotel rooms, wining & dining, and so forth.

I was, though, thrilled that it states in our final divorce decree that he had to pay me back that one amount because of marital asset/joint money given to a female third party.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9684 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
LeftOutintheCold
Member
Member # 42856
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, May 10th (Saturday)

pile of steaming shit coward motherfucker.
I think I found the new name for my WH!!

Seriously though, Acer, you do not have any control over what he does since he's left you. It's the worst feeling ever!! I'm in the very same position as you are, so I understand the helplessness of it all. However, you do have to realize that if someone is able to carry on an A as if you and your legally M status does not exist, that is just a plain cruel person. You are undeserving of being treated like that. All of us are.

You are going to be better moving on without him!!


Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together over 10
Status - still separated

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
one2ndchance
Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, May 10th (Saturday)

Your rights on finances may depend on the date you are no longer living under the same roof. In house separation does not count. Continue to keep hard copy records of his expenditures from joint assets. Bring this up with your L on Monday.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
LifeIsBroken
Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, May 10th (Saturday)

The $10,000 or so I could document that xh spent on the bimbo both while he was living at home and after he left, was taken into consideration when the judge divided our assets. Document every penny he spends on her.


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 6