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User Topic: Now I need a name...but not a nice one
Member # 38619
Flame  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

This morning this jerkoff makes a point of storming into my office to "tell" me that I need to order him supplies. As he is walking out of my office he calls me "sweetheart". I almost lost my sh!t. I've had older men assume that I am a secretary just because I am a woman, but this guy really gets my goat.

I am in the back of the office and to get to me a person has to walk by 15 cubicles, and 6 of those cubicles house secretaries, and you can tell they are secretaries because of the place-cards on their cubicles walls that read "Secretary, Blah blah Division". My place-card says "Manager, Capital Programs, Domestic and International".

This asswipe knows that I'm not a secretary. He knows that I am at least 3 levels above him and he knows that it annoys the shit out of me. He does it on purpose and is desperate to get a rise out of me. I cannot turn him into HR because he only does it when no one else is around and he has a history of screaming reverse discrimination whenever anyone complains about his behavior. I have been able to resist the urge to plant my fist in his face and my foot in his ass by calling him every name in the my head. However I have run out of names so I need some new ones. Any suggestions?

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 407 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

In college I worked as a temp. secretary during the summers. At a law firm to which I was assigned once, another temp told me a story about how an elderly attorney once handed her a box of pencils and asked her to sharpen them.

She pointed to the electric sharpener on her desk and said, "I think you can sharpen your own fucking pencils."

I''m guessing that''s why she was working as a temp. But I admired her assertiveness.

You clearly intimidate this guy, so he''s trying to take you down a peg. No suggestions for names, maybe chihuahua. A harmless, but annoying ankle-biter. (No offense to meant dogs.)

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1230 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

I think asshat fits very nicely.

But if you want to get a rise out of him, the next time he calls you sweetheart, call him "boy". Like in "whatever, boy" or "keep dreaming, boy". I am seriously a proponent of giving right back what someone gives me.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17683 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

IGNORANUS. Someone who is both ignorant AND an asshole.

Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2779 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

How about Captain Misogyny?

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

I just wouldn't order his supplies or even pass on the request. Not your job, he needs to figure out the right person to pass it on to.

I'd ignore him, giving him any brain space is more than he deserves.

Posts: 274 | Registered: Feb 2011
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

I like what Rebreather suggested!

I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

Posts: 5438 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

I would be tempted to let one of my original names fly, Like Fucktard. But then again, you have a job of significant importance, so in my kindest, super sweet, dripping with sweetness ways I would send him an email, and copy his boss, my boss, and simply point out that you are not in charge of placing orders, and who he needs to request this from, with their contact information, and that next time you hope he can refrain from being condescending will overlook the remark this time, but next time you will be forced to report him to HR. HAHAHAHHA

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8698 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

This is one of those situations in which a VAR would be very handy...

Just sayin...

Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6525 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

How about talking with HR and maybe getting permission to tape him?

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10345 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

TN nailed it!

Besides, any HR rep can see through the fake "reverse discrimination" attempts. It doesn't matter if he says it in public or private, apparently he's been reported before.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

Yup, TN has the right idea. Professional, but passive aggressive enough to get under his skin. He won't be able to help himself and then you bring HR in.

Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."

Posts: 811 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

IGNORANUS. Someone who is both ignorant AND an asshole.

I am so stealing this!!!!

Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24595 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

Yup. Forget about names. Deal with the situation, but I wouldn''t address him. I''d go straight to his boss. Lay out the situation without drama and tell him it has to stop, or you will take it up the next step. Copy in HR.

It''s not true that you can''t go to HR if no one else saw it. How do you think sexual harrassment claims get started?

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20281 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

Ignoranus is hilarious and appropriate although probably not a word you can use in this situation anywhere but inside your head without looking as bad as he does.

I would definitely talk to HR because I'm guessing you are not the only one who gets this treatment. Where I work they take the "hostile work environment" very seriously and it covers everyone and work relationships in both directions.

For example, I had a student in my class who did some really sketchy things that made me very uncomfortable. He was also sneaky and manipulative. When I'd had enough I turned it over to our department chairperson and the guy was dropped from the class two days later. Even though I was in the more "powerful" position, I felt the things he did were inappropriate and could possibly jeopardize my job/reputation if they were allowed to continue and I didn't involve someone else.

I really hate people like that. As if work isn't stressful enough!

Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2125 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

Thanks everyone. I should expand on the can't go to HR remark. I could but from past experience with he said/she situations my HR department has done bubkus. I work for a government entity so it really isn't surprising.

I talked to his supervisor and he was mortified. He was trying to figure out "why" he would do such a thing, especially since he isn't even in my division. He said he would talk to him and enforce that he is not to go anywhere near me unless it was project related. Whether or not he does anything, well, we shall see. I did tell him that if if his employee does came anywhere near me I will make sure that he gets taken to task for his behavior. Of course I was calling Captain Misogyny all types of names in my head including asshat and ignoranus and a few of my own like fucknugget.

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 407 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

If there is a next time I would act with kindness and say "Unfortunately I don't know who orders supplies for your group but I would check with your manager or a team member. Good luck!"

People have all kind of motivations maybe he likes you are likes to get a rise out of people.

He is definitely not worth the space in your mind.

Posts: 1006 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

Based on your last comment, just duck into HR and ask for contact info for your agency's EEO Counselor. Then talk to that person about how to handle.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13797 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

What Sad in AZ said except .... go by this asswipe's cube and tell him to meet YOU in HIS supervisor's office as you have something to say. Then say it. Make it clear he needs to know you are not the supply clerk.

"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 990 | Registered: Feb 2005
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, May 14th (Wednesday)

Can you record him?

Reminds me of when I was the secretary and the general manager called me into this office and asked me how the coffee tastes today because he didn't have any yet and tipping over an empty cup, I said terrible and I walked out. He made his own god damn coffee from then on

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, May 14th (Wednesday)

I would have just ordered the supplies and just let it go. Not. I would have however order the most screwed up shit I could find in place of what he requested. I would have made sure the supplies would have been inappropriate shapes and colors for your office environment.

BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
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D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
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Divorced 1-27-11
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Posts: 1004 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)

Call him sweetheart right back at him.

I'm also fond of cupcake, cookie and dickwad in those scenarios. i HATE it when someone i don't live with uses those kinds of terms. i do not know you that well. Do not call me Sweetheart unless we've kissed.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)

Call him sweetheart right back at him.

Exactly what I was going to suggest!
Or if that's too obvious, maybe "dear"; "sweetie"; "young man" (if he's old); "old chap" (or whatever the American equivalent is) if he's young. I wouldn't stress the word, but simply say it casually, as though you don't see anything strange in it. (Use "Mad Men" as your model.)

But the best reaction is probably no reaction at all. Remember that the reason he's trying so hard to annoy you is that you seriously outrank him and he finds your seniority emasculating. Since he keeps saying "sweetheart", he must be really frustrated. Because he's obviously laboring under the misapprehension that it's some magic word that will make his vital organ larger.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 2:11 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 2116 | Registered: Mar 2009
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)

I talked this over with my fWH and he agreed that I should report him to HR, which I did this morning. The first rep I talked to was a waste. He actually suggested I play nice and next time order the supplies for him. There was a nuclear explosion in my head and I literally ripped him a new one. His direct supervisor overheard the commotion and entered info the fray. He looked terrified that I was going to go off on him as well but I explained the situation and what his employee suggested that I do. This guy proceeded to rip him a third asshole.

The HR supervisor stated that he would personally take care of it. So now it is a wait and see situation.

Honestly. I don't understand why this guy has such a hard on for me. He is an associate engineer. I am in program management. Hell, I can order a building to be built but even I can't even order myself a damn pencil.

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 407 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 24