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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: hard day..
FaithnMe
New Member
Member # 42244
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

Im having such a hard time with how easy this is for my H. He is so ready to sign papers and be done. Ready to move to another state with OW. He has been saying such horrible things to me today. Basically that Ive been holding him back and I never knew who he truly was. That he was pretending to have a good life till he couldnt take it anymore.
Its so hurtful and I just want to stop loving him. Now, right now. I want to feel nothing for him, but all i feel is hurt. This is my life now. All tore apart because of him. And watching him just walk out of our DD's life is just as heartbreaking. All I want is some strength. I have to now move out of our home we built together with the kids. Take my daughter away from her surroundings. Everything in my life is a mess.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

I'm so sorry, FaithnMe. I wouldn't wish someone that cruel on anyone. Know that his words reflect what an asshole he is, and not what you deserve. Your DD doesn't need someone like that as an example in her life.

When his fantasy bubble bursts he might realize what he has lost, but you will be stronger and healthier for having distance from him.

I know it's not easy to look at it that way right now. Trust and lean on us - you are going to show your daughter love and integrity and save her from a jerk like him. Sending you love and hugs.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17846 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Acer0112
Member
Member # 43241
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

((FaithnMe)) I'm sorry you are having a tough day. I too feel the same things - more some days than others. My WH is not moving states and plans to be 50/50 with the kids, but he is so ready to have me out of the picture so he can be with OP without my judgment.

It is so painful and frustrating to not even really 'exist' anymore in his world. I am struggling with the disconnect, turning off the love, and am constantly reminding myself that in time I will be so glad to be over this. We will survive, it will be different and still a struggle when dealing with WH, but I know I will be a new strong confident person that will find someone to treat me right and love me for who I am without 'pretending' or 'fitting a mold'...I get those comments too. Stay strong, remember he is not the same person you knew before - it's ok to grieve and feel sad, take it day by day.


D-Day 1/24/14
D-Day2 04/08/14, false R
17yrs married, 23yrs together
Two kids 13, 11
Divorced 10/2014

Posts: 201 | Registered: Apr 2014
BeHappyAgain
Member
Member # 41289
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

Hugs, hugs, hugs. When I have hard days, I try and remember that every one of them will make me stronger in the long run. I hope that tomorrow is better. I will keep you in my thoughts!

Posts: 110 | Registered: Nov 2013
FaithnMe
New Member
Member # 42244
Helpless  Posted: 3:52 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

This has been such a long journey. Started back in August of last year. Emotional up and downs since. But i feel like every cruel word and step towards D I hit a new low. I know the end is in sight. Im ready for it, but im also scared to death. Im 26, ive got my whole life in front of me and I KNOW I can take it on. I just planned on him being by my side. (But i guess planning was one of my downfalls to him, i was too busy planning our future) i didnt know that was a bad thing.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
DepressedDaddy
Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

So sorry for your pain and this experience. Your WH is just a selfish asshat.

Make sure to take care of yourself. I know it sucks really bad, but let your body just feel the pain. It will die down so much quicker that way. The more we fight it, the longer it lasts. He is an ass. Nothing you can do will change that.

One of my methods is called, "whispers to the heart." Literally look down at your chest and talk to your heart. "I feel you hurting." "We are going to survive." "You are strong." "I hear you and we are going to get through this." Understand that our heart is as important as our mind. If we want a scientific explanation, it moves our response from our limbic system (impulse, emotion and behavior) to our frontal lobe (reward, attention, satisfaction).

Another thing that I do is a form of eastern medicine. It involves physically massaging the heart. Take your right hand and place it in the center of your chest. In an outward (to the left) motion, massage your heart. You can do it as much as needed, but the physical touch to an emotionally painful heart is soothing. I tend to do this a few hundred times if needed. I will take deep breaths, lay outside, or do this exercise while in a warm shower.

This is all about listening to our body, versus listening to our mind. You can do it. We are here for you. Stay strong. You will get through all of this.


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 813 | Registered: Dec 2013
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)

I wish I could give you a hug IRL but this will have to do ... (((((FaithnMe)))))
I understand that feeling of being gutted by the fact that a spouse/partner/best friend could just move on. It's truly incomprehensible! Please realize that the bullshit he is saying "blah blah blah holding him back" and "blah blah blah barf pretending" is pretty much textbook for a wayward. BUT of course, that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt.

Your heart needs time to catch up with your brain. It WILL happen but it does take time. Are you in IC? How is your support IRL?

The man you thought you married is dead and you need time to grieve. You are so strong ~ stronger than you ever imagined. You and your children will be ok. I know you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is there.

Lean on us during this difficult time, FaithnMe! We are here for you!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
FaithnMe
New Member
Member # 42244
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, May 14th (Wednesday)

I cant express the gratitude I have for this site and all of you. When I look around and see my DD, family, friends, & the outpouring support from this group of people I know I can do this. My head knows it.. my heart.. well thats a different story. But im getting there. Those bad days are the ones that get the best of me.

*Praying today is a better day.. for all of us


Posts: 30 | Registered: Jan 2014
DepressedDaddy
Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, May 14th (Wednesday)

Everyday gets a little better. An inch leads to a foot, a foot to ten feet, ten feet to a mile. A little at a time. Don't try and rush it. It will actually provide the opposite effect.


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 813 | Registered: Dec 2013
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, May 14th (Wednesday)

((((FaithnMe))))

As much as it hurts that he is leaving, you will be so much better off when his poison is far away from you. His cruel words only mean that he is broken, to hurt you in this way. It means NOTHING about your worth.

And the pain you feel, as hard as it is, means that you know how to love fully. It opens you to being injured, but it also says something wonderful about you.

You can get through this and you and your DD will have a wonderful new calm once he is gone. It will take time but you will heal and be renewed.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 10