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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Finally saw OW's son face to face
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, May 18th (Sunday)

So douche and I had been arguing the last few weeks about money. We just got our final judgement, and he owes me over 12 grand retroactive. The fucker just wouldn't realize that was money he STOLE from me and the kids. It's like he borrowed money from me without even fucking asking, leaving me with ALL their bills.

And then he was refusing to pay his half of summer camps. I mean, what kind of f'ing father does he want to be? You want to give your kids opportunities in life or not fuckhead?

Then crickets for about a week.

On Friday night, he emailed me right before pickup saying he would give me some money for summer camps, so I walked out to the car with the kids. OWhore is always there and was driving, but I didn't see her face. I walked around to the passenger side, and we exchanged a few words and agreed on an amount. While he was writing the check, I noticed the kids surrounded OW's kid in the back seat. He's actually a cute little kid, between my son's ages, and was wearing a Marvel shirt, which I've had to become an expert on, so I talked to him and asked him some questions. He was cute and polite..

I don't think it would be all that hard to like that kid.. He's an OC from when OW was with a married man who already had 4 kids (and didn't leave his family for OW). My kids say he sees his "uncle" sometimes, and I'm tempted to think that's his real dad and they aren't telling him..

Hell, OW and I were arguing over text early on about them sleeping together in front of the kids, but still lying to them and telling them they were "friends." She certainly doesn't believe in being honest with kids or being a good role model.

I actually wish I could adopt him and get him out of that hell hole...


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2315 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Destroyed121813
New Member
Member # 42657
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, May 18th (Sunday)

I see A LOT of therapy in that little kid's future. It is a shame he has such a disgusting whore for a mother!

It is good that you aren't taking it out on the kids. Sometimes, people are so enraged at the situation they will take it out on whoever is around by having a nasty attitude - kid or not.

You seem like a really good person who is mixed up with a douche and his whore-of-the-week. Well, you are taking the high road. Oh and here is the fun part, your kids are going to figure out what a douche your ex is and you will not have to say a thing. He wants to fuck around now with paying for stuff and taking care of them, it will come back to haunt.

My dad had money growing up and wouldn't pay shit and we lived mostly in poverty. Everyone was more important than his kids. He would give the shirt off his back to his friends, but wouldn't pay to make sure his kids that lived with their mother had groceries. Despite his crap, all four of us got college degrees (two with masters) and we will fight (lovingly) over who gets to take care of our mother.

My father on the other hand, sits on his farm with wife number 5 (who barely speaks English and has a gambling problem) when she bothers to show up, her son who has been convicted as a minor of sexual assault against another child, and his money. None of us will go down and see him.

I don't talk to him and I sure has hell am not going to have my kids around a convicted teen sex offender. All in all, my father is miserable and drinks. One day they are going to find his lifeless body that has probably been sitting there for days because nobody gave a shit to check up on him.

Yeah, that's what you get for being a douche. Hang in there! You are going to have the last laugh on this one.


Married 11yrs, known 12
DDay 12/18/13
BW 42
WS 42 (SA with what can only be described as NPD)
2 great kids - Both 10

Posts: 40 | Registered: Mar 2014
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, May 18th (Sunday)

Wow. Congrats to you guys on your degrees! Giving me some hope I can handle this single mom thing and they might still turn out awesome


It made me feel really weird seeing how well my kids know OW and her kid, and I still don't know them really at all. Still never spoken to OW face to face, and my kids have known them both for years. Actually, my kids knew them for over a year before I did, but douche forced them to lie to me about where they had been and who they had been with. More lies in their sick world...

It kind of feels like if I had never went to the parent-teacher conference at the beginning of the school year. So I just sent my kids away to spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week with someone and I didn't even meet them first? And I have to trust FTFred's judgement?!?


When I was asking OW's son questions, we were joking and making each other laugh, and my kids were joining right in, and I think my boys were happy that I seemed liked him. It was like he was just one of the neighborhood kids we hang out with all the time..

I wish douchebag would realize how less stressful things would be, especially for the kids, if he would just be honest and polite and follow the rules..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2315 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, May 19th (Monday)

You are a wonderful person.

I just imagined this little cute guy sitting there all quiet.... You know it is not unusual that the child of a person like OW and his dad to be a sweet child. I wish you could adopt him. He is being shown to have no moral or values from your ex and the OW. And the whole "uncle" thing... I mean does OW feel he doesn't deserve to have someone he calls dad who is his real dad? I would not stand for that. And to know that she has been an OW before and your ex STILL went for her is very telling about himself!

Fuckwade!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
mamazen
Member
Member # 42137
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, May 19th (Monday)

good job, butterfly! You appreciate the innocence of a child. They are indeed f*ckwads. Poor kids.

You are not alone wrt money….mine refuses to pay for children's camps too…and he took the OW skiing in Vail over Christmas --mega $$ for that week and (we are in Canada---flights $$). He took her to Chicago for a long Easter weekend getaway….and he's going to Europe w her in August. Yeah, no money for kids this summer…not even taking them on a vacation. Great message to send the kids, eh? "My whore is more important than you guys" It breaks my heart (even more). Congrats for getting the check from your *sshole.


mamazen


me 56
WH 57
married 19 years
separated since 8/2013
D FINAL! Sept 10 2014
D-day Dec 21 2013 (after separation)
2 sons 15 and 12
OW = family friend and WH work colleague, going on many years (I was clueless)


Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: canada
GingerAle
Member
Member # 33822
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, May 19th (Monday)

Good for you, ButterflyGirl. What a classy and sweet way to handle that situation


My WH (The KISA, NPD) 6 month EA in 2010
2 other EAs in 2012 & 2013
Filed for D 7/2014


Posts: 425 | Registered: Nov 2011
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, May 19th (Monday)

Fuckwad indeed. To tell the whole story, I swear we are Jerry Springer.

OW's baby daddy actually lives a couple houses down from her parents. I mean, how sick is that? You just fuck the guy down the street who has a wife and family?

And she was married to a different guy when ex and her started their affair, and my ex actually worked with him. Her BH knew way before I did, and I'm pretty pissed he never told me. But he knew another of my mutual friends, and we ended up chatting over a Facebook a couple months ago, and that's how I found out about OW's son..

I have no idea why ex and OW feel the need to lie so much. I saved the texts between OW and I, so I'll just share some of them here.. Some backstory is that I had left the marital home with the kids and stayed with my parents since FTFred refused to leave and was escalating his anger and abuse and my first lawyer was no help at all getting exclusive use. And OW and her kid moved into our house almost immediately when I left..

These text exchanges were from August of 2013. I was emailing with FTFred trying to work out some scheduling issues, and she just texted me out of the blue.. I had already tried to warn her that he was cheating with another girl from his work, but she decided not to believe me..

I should have gone with crickets from the beginning...


OW: would u just leave FTFred the alone shit

ME: You should mind your business. And I should mind mine. I don't need my friends telling me how they keep seeing FTFred at the bar kissing a long haired blonde. That's your problem now.

OW: he is my business and that's funny bc he's always with me
is that another one of your lies to make u look good in court

ME: Florida is a no fault state. Cheating doesn't matter. It's just another truth that makes you look naive.
Buh bye

OW: ur fuckin crazy bc he's ALWAYS with me bitch.... just leave him the fuck alone psycho bitch

ME: No wonder the kids come home cursing every week. You guys should work on your anger issues.
And I'm trying to coparent with him if you didn't notice, so get used to me having to communicate with FTFred and mind your own business.

OW: we don't curse around the kids or let them curse so nice try... we don't have anger issues ur just mental and really need to get some serious help

ME: Gee, I'm really gonna that to heart from an abusive lying cheat.. Unless you're encouraging him to be reasonable to his wife, just mind your business, k?

OW: no u aren't ur sending ridiculous messages just trying to start shit... u get used to it bc it is my business

ME: Can't wait for you to figure out what's really going on. Don't say I didn't warn you, and don't come crying to me..

OW: it is my business and u guys aren't together so i wouldn't refer to u as his wife.... and he IS NOT ABUSIVE or a liar or cheater so it would be nice if u didn't refer to him as such. .... just quit harassing him all the time and there wouldn't be a problem.. i understand u guys have to talk regarding the kids but u don't have to say some of the things u say to him

ME: He's not a lying cheat?? Lol.
How about you tell him to just answer my questions and we could stop emailing back and forth so much.
I would be happy to have the title of ex wife if he would just agree to the best things for the kids and not make me go to trial to get it.
Until then, I am wife, and you are mistress.

OW: he puts the kids first unlike u putting them in the middle of your made up shit... ur not the wife and sorry I'm not the mistress .... u really need to grow up

ME: Yeah, everyone's right. You can't argue with crazy.. Open your eyes honey.
You are the very definition of a mistress. Lying to yourself doesn't change it..

OW: yep and u r the crazy one... my eyes r open i just know the difference between reality and fantasy unlike u

ME: At least you have company since you're not his only mistress.

OW: lol i really don't care what names u call me or FTFred it's not going to change the way we feel about each other... keep making up more lies

ME: I would have appreciated a decent coparenting relationship with you, but after the toilet thing, the rated R movie, the spanking, the forcing my children to lie to me, cursing and sleeping with him right in front of my children before they have even accepted our divorce, I just don't see how you can be reasonable at all. You even lie to my kids now about the status of your relationship. You are as bad as he is..

OW: all a bunch of lies u made up... the only reason we don't tell the kids is bc we we're going to wait to tell them that's not something u just go and tell kids i mean really i thought u could at least understand that.. do u really want us to tell them we're together?

ME: I prefer the truth. Though i do admit "daddy has a mistress and broke up his family for her" is a hard one..
If you really wanna coparent, let me know how they react when you tell them you've been lying to them all this time..
And I know this will be a hard one for you guys, but being parents is about having morals and setting an example. Sleeping with another woman while still married wasn't something I was hoping to teach my sons.

OW: lol ur such a dirty bitch ... u really don't think about the kids do u

ME: Nice deflection. You two are the ones who blew up their world.
All for a 5 inch dick, how sad for them..
And DS10 knows already. He said FTFred told you, "you better play or I'll dump you."
He knows you guys are together. You've made it more than obvious. Try the truth for once..

(Here I send a pic of a DVD of an Adam Sandler movie called "That's My Boy", a rated R movie with cursing, drugs, cocaine, marijuana, nudity, etc, that they gave to my kids..)

ME: And that's not the movie DS10 said you bought for them to watch? Yeah, all a lie...
Really wish he would just stay with Twink (the other woman FTFred was cheating with). Even at 21, she is way smarter than you..

OW: sorry i never got that movie for them nice try bitch... lol he's not with Twink he's with me get use to it

ME: And I'm his ex and DS10 and DS6's mother, so keep your wicked witch of the west nose out of our business.

OW: it is my business bitch get use to it

ME: Mistresses don't get a say.
Especially not ones that wreck homes and set bad examples for the children.
If you didn't want the kids to know, you shouldn't have involved them.
Real nice that my kids knew you before I did. Most cheating men would just keep the kids away from their affair partners, not involve them and have them lie to the wife.
You guys have done nothing but lie to them and fuck with their minds..
And you tell me to learn fantasy versus reality, when you guys are creating a fantasy world for my kids instead of teaching them reality.
What a mindfuck you guys are putting them through..
"Yeah kids. She's here EVERY day, and we lock the bedroom door and pretend she leaves, and we just hang out so you guys can see (OW's son), and friends sleep together, and (OW) and I are just friends." Real smooth.. I'm sure they are buying it. Thanks for setting such a good example of what adult "friends" do.
My opinion is you should tell them the truth or stay the hell away while he has them once in a while.. If you're a family now, act like one. If you're not, then give him a chance to be a dad without his "friend" there every time.
And since you admit you are ALWAYS with him, maybe you could help him with the city and water and electric on the house so he can start paying some child support. He's down thousands in retroactive.

OW: :-)

ME: Is that your "ha ha I got his money face?"
Nice, way to put the kids and their financial support first..

OW: sorry but i buy him stuff and go grocery shopping i don't take his money
u really do need some serious mental help

ME: And FTFred needs some legal help.
His mistakes will start catching up to him very soon.
If you were a good widdle girlfriend, you'd tell him to pay his child support on time.
Taking his electricity and water IS taking his money.. Have you seen the bills?? They are not amounts for a single man with kids a couple days a month.
His child support should come first. I would tell you to remember that in case you ever have a kid with him, but thank God he said you can't have anymore..

OW: lol u wish
like u that have mommy and daddy paying for everything

ME: Well since FTFred is a deadbeat, yeah, I'm lucky I have people who help me give them a good life.
You should laugh at FTFred for not being able to support his kids.

OW: lol grow up
wtf ever dads have the same rights as moms shouldn't you be working anyways oh wait u never do that

ME: And just wait till his work records come in. You know how many times he lied under oath??

OW: lol ur delusional sorry but everything isn't your way bitch

ME: We will see then. Good luck..
You picked the wrong family. You picked the wrong wife to mess with. And all I had to do was give you guys enough rope to hang yourselves.
Tell him to stop being a deadbeat and support his kids already..

OW: ohhhhh wow u got a couple emails from April... go ask mommy and Daddy what u r gonna do next

ME: Lol. Just wait..

OW: lol u wait

ME: Real original. I'll assume you're a dropout just like him..

OW: lol sorry but your assumption is wrong grow up quit trying to put him down all the time

ME: Yeah, he cheats, mindfucks my kids, dunks my sick kids head in the toilet, brings his mistress around my kids before the divorce is final, doesn't pay child support, has horrible parenting techniques, and I'm supposed to be extra sweet to him?
I'm business professional in my communications with him. Perhaps he misses me and that's why he's so rude. You know, like the boy who pulls the girls hair on the playground?
I don't miss him, but I'm sure as hell he misses me and his old life and all the friends he lost. Hope you are worth it, but I'm doubting it..
You helped turn him into his dad. Congratulations.
Now if I can just break the cycle and prevent my boys from turning into abusive assholes, I will have done a good job..
Would be nice having your help preventing the cycle, but you're just part of the problem. Laughing at him dunking their heads. Yeah, real funny. The type of shit an abusive person would do and tell you "its just a joke" and to laugh about it. You guys are some sick fucks. Can't believe you don't see a problem with that.
Finding out you slept with him knowing he was married was your first strike.
Finding out you involved the kids and forced them to lie to me was your second strike.
Laughing at my SICK sons head being put in a toilet? Strike 3. You're out. Don't ever expect me to respect you.

ETA: For anyone that doesn't know, I ended up wiping the floor with his ass at trial. I got the house back, the schedule I wanted, the parenting plan I wanted with me being the tiebreaker if we can't agree on parenting decisions, and his wages are being garnished. Yeah, suck on that OW...

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 11:17 AM, May 19th (Monday)]


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2315 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, May 19th (Monday)

Where's the like button?


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, May 19th (Monday)

Holy shit... How many times can she call you a bitch??? She is one sick cookie.

She sounds just like my wh ow! She use to text me all the time before I changed my number. Whenever they would fight she would text me asking for gifts back that she gave him. Ask me if I was fucking him still, told me to get use to sharing my husband, she isn't going anywhere, oh it went on and on,,,, and the names she would call me?

I love how they think they are the wife and we are the OW?

fucking mental muffins!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, May 19th (Monday)

I love how they think they are the wife and we are the OW?

OMG, I know

Doesn't she feel so fucking stupid? He told her, "Uh, yeah, we sleep in separate rooms. She's, uh, dating someone too. I just can't leave the house yet. And don't talk to her." She believed that? Can't quite figure out if she really thought we were in-house separated for over a year and a half or not. What.A.Moron.

I guess I hate her, but we really REALLY don't know each other. I have all his texts saved too, and I should post those. Me texting him telling him to focus on the kids now and he can't have me, and then him texting her within a minute that now he can't see the kids. He had a couple, "Uh, ignore what I just said" text messages too.. Dumbass. I shut that off after a month being separated. I just couldn't look anymore.. I'd seen enough.

He lied all over the place, who knows what the truth was. If OW and I took a calendar and went through that whole year and a half and asked each other what FTFred said he was up to, she probably wouldn't be with him anymore.. Lying bastard. I should send him our vacations pics from during that time to be polite and return some of his things.. I'm sure she would love those..

But just from the way she dresses, I prolly wouldn't like her anyway. Moms shouldn't wear short shorts ya slunt..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2315 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 19th (Monday)

Butterfly,
It doesn't matter if she knew the truth, she would still be with him... you see, these types of women, have no self worth within themselves.

The OW in marriage is still pinning for my wh... She knew that I moved back home and STILL is right there in his corner... He keeps her for back up, ego kibbles and maybe money. They don't really see one another..I mean 5 years pinning for a man, that doesn't take you to family functions, no holidays, no phone calls (text only), doesn't know my kids just knows of them, ect ect... I honestly can say he won't be with her because he is after a new person. She dresses like a ho at work all the time. She sleeps with anyone who gives her attention, she is immature, ect.. So joke is on her. LOL... She is just to stupid to see it.... They feed off one another like leaches.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, May 19th (Monday)

OMG, reading that exchange made me sick.

The MOW in my case tried to engage like that also. She got crickets.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7765 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
ButterflyGirl
Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, May 19th (Monday)

Yeah, she's sick. And he's a cheating player too. If you don't want monogamy, fine! Just fucking say so and don't promise it to anyone! If he wants a piece of crap like that for a while, whatever. I'm just pissed he strung me along for it. This isn't a "breakup" website I'm on. It's a "he fucking lied and cheated and manipulated and stole my money and got my car totaled and put my health at risk and fucked with my kids" website. Who the F does he think he is?

What fucking role models. I think OW has most of the custody of her kid, and I really do hope he turns out okay. I'm looking at possible stepbrothers and half siblings if he knocks someone else up, and I really think I would take custody of them if I needed to.. My mom gave up a kid for adoption when she was 16 cause "teen mom" wasn't allowed in her generation, so I always thought I would adopt a kid to pay it forward.. Maybe I just met him..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2315 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, May 19th (Monday)

You never know Butterfly.

I too feel the same way but he love to play with my emotions. You know one sec he loves me the next he is going to be dating back to the other sec of I love you again.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
oldtimer97
Member
Member # 2365
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 19th (Monday)

Hi all, was just visiting...had to read this post. Just a slight t/j to Destroyed and her comment about her dad being a douche, yet her and siblings all got degrees.

Just wanted to say since it applies to all here, I handled my sons getting their degrees when I also was a single mom. My one son graduated from Berkeley, Stanford Medical School, then went on for Surgeon fellowship with Harvard. On the latter I have to say if I hadn't been single, I don't think he would have been afforded the same opportunities in grant and scholarship money. So don't let being single scare you, it's actually a blessing when dealing with college costs.

(FYI he is now a one of a kind surgeon for N. Calif because of his education & got a chance to save one of his brother's coworkers little girls who was in a bad accident. He got her transferred to his higher tech hospital which alone probably saved her life, then did the surgery on Easter successfully which means she'll be able to walk again.) Like I said, don't be afraid if you're single and your kids reach college. Just read up on every entitlement they qualify for. I had worked for the Fed'l Gov't and got poisoned & ill from the workplace, I had absolutely no qualms knowing he received so much federal money, hehe.


“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

― Maya Angelou


Posts: 3261 | Registered: Oct 2003 | From: Sunny Arizona
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, May 19th (Monday)

I'll second old timer on college. Right now I have 3 DDs currently in college, one graduated last spring. My girls are doing it all without any support from XH. I file FAFSA for them January 1, every year, they got good -great grades in HS, lots of scholarship money, financial aide and loans. Each has purchased her own car and handles the expenses for it. I provide moral support and pay the cell phone bill( family plan).

I am so proud of them!

You can do this single parenting thing AND college too!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 16