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User Topic: Fake it till you make it
needrespect
Member
Member # 37951
Angry  Posted: 2:36 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)

We all know that part of the reason we are here is from a crapload of lies.

How is fake it till you make it any different?
I feel like I am lying to myself and everyone around me just to keep some peace.

On the other hand if I showed my true feelings 24/7 there would be a constant battle.

IC says I need to work on forgiveness for myself and I am being a martyr. Where is the line between being honest about your feelings and being a martyr?

And to quote many on here "this shit ain't for sissys"


BS-me 45
WH-40
married 11 yrs, together 15
DS13 DS9
Dday May 2012 EA
False R... Dday#2 11/30/2012 PA same MOW

The opposite of love is not hate ... It is indifference.
Status:%$$&^&^$#@@
seems I'm on the 15 year plan


Posts: 69 | Registered: Dec 2012
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)

I think that "fake it till you make it" is mostly for people who are still thrashing around on the emotional rollercoaster and don't know which way is up.

"Should I go? Should I stay? Crap, what day is it? Have I even eaten today?!?" <--- This is an example of the peak of my confused days, and I hoped that R was possible, so going through the motions with a remorseful FWS made sense.

Faking it when you know the horse is dead is a whole other thing. Some people stay because limbo feels safer than D, and in that case the best thing is to bunker down and work on yourself and your own happiness and future with minimal impact to the relationship. Which DOES come with an amount of faking it, which IS soul draining.

The thing for everyone to keep in mind is that what is happening today doesn't have to be what every day from now on is going to look like. We really have to do the best with what we have, and to be brave when both our hearts and brains are in accordance but our body won't move. This shit is NOT easy, but the more we work on centering ourselves the more we can face our troubles with power instead of fear.

(((needrespect)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 2:45 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)]


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17318 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, May 20th (Tuesday)

Well said Jrazz.

I often question why would you fake it?

If you are hurt, and in pain, you should be able to show it. Now I don't mean rolling around on the floor with snot on your face, and dog hair sticking to it feeling it, but it's ok to let the kids, the spouse, friends and family know that hey we are having a rough time, and I am having a really hard time finding any happiness in life right now.

And if you are pretending to have a good M because your WS isn't doing the work then the only person you are really helping by doing this is the WS. IT's certainly not helping you, it also is hurting your kids showing them some f'd version of what M is. It is soul crushing.

If you are faking it, consider your reasons why. Perhaps you need to reevaluate your choice, and be more authentic to you. You need to grieve. It's ok.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8506 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 3