Mind has been wandering today. Most know my story but I'm hoping I can share a few thoughts that may help someone else or maybe someone can help lift me up today.
No chance of R in my situation. Ex says we had other issues before the A so she believes it would have ended anyway. Says she should have filed years ago. I can see this was an exit affair and and attempt to downgrade the A. What is does to a man is make them think they were not worthy of healing the non-A issues. Not even worthy of a chance to TRY and mend the issues. What I've come to realize is, there is always a point when you know you are done, ALWAYS. Maybe it doesn't reach up and slap you in the face like it does for the BS, but your actions and thoughts seem to prove otherwise. You took your rings off during your "activities" because you knew it was wrong. Still didn't keep you from doing it. Just made you feel less guilty.
Lies, hiding details, deleting texts, using mobile data apps to communicate instead of text, living a double life.... GEEZUS, being a WS is exhausting. No wonder you want to run from this mess and be on your own. Much easier to engage in this activity when no one is watching you. When you don't have anyone to let down. This has adverse effects on the BS because he knows what you left him for. He knows the actions will not stop and you feel like it has more to offer than a man who promised you the moon for 12 years
I see that my WW did not have the emotional courage to honor her promise. "For better or for worse". Instead our relationship was chopped up in a million pieces and over time, she allowed others to take those pieces from me. Most of this happened before I even had a clue. I've also learned a lot about myself in this process. I've fallen into holes LONG before the A. I fell into bad habits that aren't responsible for the A, but I could see where a person without emotional fortitude could see that as an excuse for the A. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
I'm going to continue to grow in a positive way. I'm going to avoid those holes in the future AND the holes you placed in my path with your infidelity. Maybe you did do me a favor. Maybe you helped me put together the pieces for a perfect relationship to come, with someone who will honor the commitment and put in the work of a successful marriage. I'm still in a place where I desperately want that person to be you, but I know it just isn't possible. Not with me anyway. Me/BS 35
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.