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User Topic: Approaching A season
Unagie
Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, May 27th (Tuesday)

In July of 2012 I went from flirting once and awhile to a PA. I realize recently I have looked in the mirror or at ex and tears come to my eyes. The thought that come into my head is you fool. AP's name comes unbidden and immediately my heart clenches, my stomach turns and I think about my whys and what I was thinking at the time. I think did you really think that your life would be better? I realize I didn't I never believed that. I never believed it to the point that when AP suggested being together I cringed and felt sick. The idea of a future with him and not my future with xSO made me that way. I felt in that moment I had already lost everything but I sure as hell didn't want him and that made me even more disgusted by my actions.

These thoughts happened last year as well. This is going to be my second day antiversary and I am going into my 3rd year. I prayed for a long time I would be on the 2 year time line for my A and his. Im not. I will still be healing and growing going into year 3. There are days I feel broken by my actions and days where I burst into tears thinking of his. Just felt like sharing.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2755 | Registered: Oct 2012
stupidgurl
Member
Member # 36763
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, May 28th (Wednesday)

No advice but I just want to wish you a more healing 3rd year, and that you can find closure. Also I hope you can learn to love yourself once again, you are not just made up of your mistakes you know, you can rebuild yourself better than before.

We believe in you!


me WW/BW-31
him BH/WH- 31

2002/3 (him) EA

PA(me)-Nov 2007

Tog. 14 yrs, Marr. 13 and counting!

R'd


Posts: 133 | Registered: Sep 2012
badchoice
Member
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, May 28th (Wednesday)

No advice either, but just want to wish you more healing in year 3. I just entered year 3 too.

I too experience the roller coaster of emotions, just yesterday it took everything I had in me to get up off the floor to get to my kids parent teacher conference.

Good luck.


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D


Posts: 725 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
Topic Posts: 3