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User Topic: Curious about divorced at age 50+ ladies that been here awhile
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, May 29th (Thursday)


If you had to start over being divorced at 50+ as a woman, I am curious how it turned out.
Did you end up alone? Meet a good man you really like and are attracted to and he feels the same way about you? Did you just decide to settle on some guy because, let face it, not much to pick from at this stage of the game. Do you feel that only much older men were interested in you as a future care-taker?
Do you think you will find someone and get remarried in the future? Or just have someone to hang-out with?
What is your opinion on the dating market for women over 50?

Just curious . . interested in your thoughts on this subject


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
Charity411
Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

Hi Shiloe,

I'm in my mid fifties and have been alone for quite some time now. After my divorce I was in one long term relationship that was a disaster. I shouldn't have dated anyone for a long time. It would have saved me a lot of grief.

Since then I have dated a few men, some for quite some time. What I have found is that at this age, the men I have come in contact with are looking for all the perks of a wife without the burden of being a husband. It has been remarkably consistent in my case. And some have outright asked me to finance their dreams with no commitment of any kind. When I said no they moved on.

I can honestly say I am much happier being alone. I sure there are wonderful men out there and possibly if I were to come accross one I might reconsider. But for now, there is comfort in knowing who I am and what I have and knowing no one can destroy my world.


Posts: 331 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

I was divorced in my 40's, then in a long term relationship for 8 years. When it ended I was in my 50's.

I haven't dated since then, instead taking the time to rediscover and recenter myself. I get caught up in helping the people I love, that I tend to forget about me and my needs. I'm taking this time to rediscover my interests and to expand my friend base.

If someone crosses my path wanting to date - I'll visit that question then. Till then I'm working on keeping busy.

I don't want to need a man in my life. I want the right one, but if we don't find each other I'm ok with that.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5083 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
inconnu
Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

technically I was divorced at age 46, but I'm 50 now. My SO just moved in with me (and my adult kids) a couple of weeks ago. We've been dating for 4 years, btw.

I did not settle. I didn't plan to start dating until much later in my "rebuild my life" plan. I was happy settling into my new role as a single mom who was going back to college so I could enter the workforce.

And then I met this guy. Thought he was the kind of person I'd love to have as a friend. Intelligent. Witty. Funny. Open. Honest. Great conversationalist.

Yeah, I fell so hard that I was chasing him before I even realized I was interested in him as more than a friend. Then I had to do a little convincing that I really was as interested in him as I was. Lucky for me he was just as interested in me.

And it's been wonderful.

We may never get married. Then again, maybe some day we will. Marriage has never been the goal, though. Enjoying what we have together has. Loving each other and appreciating that love is what matters.

There are good men, and good women, out there. It's important to be healed, and happy with yourself and your life first, before you try to find that person though.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12149 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
Too_Trusting
Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

I'm in my mid-50's too, and agree pretty much with Charity411. I did have several relationships post-D, but I found the men to be less than truthful sometimes, and I eventually figured out that others were looking to me to provide their financial stability.

My last relationship was 2006, when my SO died suddenly from an aortic dissection. After his death, I learned many things that eventually led me to conclude that he was seeing his exW while we were supposedly in a committed relationship. After that fiasco, I determined that my picker is just broken. I am a good person, and I just believe (or want to believe) that others are as well.

I decided that I was no longer interested in a relationship. For the first time in my adult life, I began to focus on ME. I got busy building a life about me and for me.

And you know what? I've never been more content.

Here I am nearly 8 years later, and I haven't even considered dating anyone. I'm not looking and truly enjoy my life being lived FOR me.

I know it's hard for others to wrap their head around this, but it works for me. And at the end of the day, that's really all that matters.

I don't want to sound all gloom and doom to anyone that truly wants a relationship, SO, or marriage after age 50. I'm just saying that FOR ME, at this point in my life, this is what I'm doing and I'm actually enjoying it.


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2468 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

I'm six years out and still alone and really starting to enjoy the freedom that comes with that.

Just watched an interesting documentary on it.

http://www.canada.com/onlinetv/documentary/doc-zone/9080795/video.html?o=15

It's OK to be alone. The more I do it, the more I like it. I'll probably never cohabitate again. Perfect boyfriend will be an introverted extrovert like me.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17391 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
fireproof
Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

I know quite a few. The realities:

1. There is a lot fewer men than women and some not ALL tend to be attracted to younger women but it is only some

2. The ones who are truly happy are very happy because they have their own space and to some the idea of marriage is not that appealing- they don't want to give up their freedom or space. They would be happy if each of them had their own place but spent a lot of time together including evenings but they feel like their space is important to them. That was refreshing just in case a partner is not in the future.

3. More of a focus on companionship and enjoyment.

I do tell my friends to be safe because they trust but in reality there are a lot of odd women and men and take your time.


Posts: 974 | Registered: Jul 2012
woundedwidow
Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

Well, I was widowed rather than divorced at age 58; I will turn 64 next week. I haven't dated in the interim. Your #2 and #3 reasons would apply to me if I ever get into another long-term relationship. I'm at a point of financial stability in my life that I have no desire to co-mingle my finances with someone else, nor would it necessarily be prudent. I like my space and my own time, and don't like having to compromise anymore. I did too much of that for years. I could happily have a "gentleman friend", possibly with benefits (hey, I'm old but I ain't dead yet!), but I'd be perfectly happy to keep my own home and he keep his. And I already took care of one husband to his deathbed; I don't want to go through that again, so I don't need any of the 80 yr. olds that would be seeking me out on OLD. Nope, no thank you.


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

I divorced at 55, and I simply do NOT focus on having another relationship. That's not what my new beginning is about. It's about me enjoying myself and making my own way in the world. If I meet someone, great. If I don't, great.

I love life without the anchor of the X around my neck. He's growing older and more unhealthy by the minute, and he's not my problem anymore.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20170 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
cdagal
Member
Member # 38154
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, May 30th (Friday)

DDay just before my 51st birthday. Divorced by age 52. Now coming up to 55 this summer.
Had a couple of nice meals and conversations with a equally nice gentleman last year but apart from that.....
Realizing that life without a man isn't that bad. I rather like knowing the bank balance is exactly what I expect it to be, eating what and when I want to, having classic movie marathons without feeling guilty about ignoring him.
I'm open to a relationship. I don't stress over not having one. It's very unlike my early 20's when I was constantly pining for a relationship. I've been through all the milestones - marriage, kids - that I don't feel a need to have that significant other to complete me. But if a nice one came along, I wouldn't drop the chance


M - 25 yrs
DDay - August 5, 2010
Divorced - December 12, 2011
He married the OW 35 days later
"Fall seven times, stand up eight" - Japanese proverb

Posts: 73 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, May 30th (Friday)

I'm not divorced but I'm close to 48 and this thread has been good to read.... just in case.


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4926 | Registered: Dec 2010
SoHappyNow
Member
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, May 30th (Friday)

I was also a widow, not a divorcee. I already was friends with my current husband at the time of my late husband's death. AND, I had already done most of my grieving before he died. I am perfectly happy living alone - I did it for a total of 4 years while my late hubs was working overseas. So I didn't just desperately grab onto the first man to show interest in me. There were 2 other neighbors who expressed some clear interest in me once I became a widow, and one of them is still a friend.

For me, it had worked out beautifully. I have NEVER been happier in my life!!!!


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14


Posts: 2290 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
fadedrainbow
Member
Member # 9280
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, May 30th (Friday)

Hi Shiloe,

My DDay was 9 years ago, divorced when I was 55. I'm 60 now and the last time I was single was in my 20's for a couple of years. Since my divorce both my children have left home so I am on my own now with my kitty cat. I was so devastated by the breakdown of my marriage it has taken me a long time to heal and start to reinvent myself and make a new life. I am introverted and am not very social. The few friends I have are married and their widowed or divorced friends seem to go after the younger women. I am not adverse to meeting someone but don't want to do OLD. The longer I am alone the better I feel. At first I thought I would die of loneliness and couldn't imagine my life without my XH. I have no idea if I will find another person to share my life with. I am open to possibilities but not actively searching. My focus is on me now and living the life I deserve but put on the back burner for way too long.


me: FBW
D-Day May 2005
divorced December 2009


Posts: 135 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: UK
foxglove
Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, May 30th (Friday)

DD was almost 8 years ago, and I've been divorced for 7 at aged 45. I dated right out of the gate after the D, and was not ready at all, so I took about two and half years off from dating, not intentionally, but I really found I had to grieve the end of my marriage and process a bit. I also went back to school, and got involved in a lot of other things that interested me.

About four years ago, I started dating a bit again, but nothing special other than figuring out that I didn't want to settle for just anyone or anything. I actually liked being on my own. About two and a half years ago, I was reintroduced to the brother of a good friend. I'm 52 and he's 53. I don't anticipate that we will ever marry, but we are talking about moving closer together. Right now, we live about three hours apart. I'm looking to relocate closer to him, since he still has kids in school and mine are grown. He is a good, good man and we have lots of fun together.

I think there some very nice men out there our age, but just like us, they have had life experiences-some good, some not so good.

For me, the best thing was learning to enjoy my own company first and foremost, so that no matter what, I'd find satisfaction in life.


Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1453 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, May 31st (Saturday)

DDay 6-2-08, age 47. Separated a month later and the d dragged on for 18 months. I met someone soon after that. I went from being allergic to dating to feeling ready to interact with men again.

I had the most enjoyable courtship I've ever had with a kind thoughtful masculine man. We are together 4 years and we've talked about being open to the possibility of building a life together but we are in no hurry.

My finances are not secure. The d was really hard on my finances. I'm in a field where you mostly have to be self employed and it is challenging. He is accomplished in a creative field that doesn't pay well. We are both somewhat focused on figuring out the money puzzle. I thin if we were more financially secure it would be easier to think of marrying again.

Mostly I just enjoy his companionship and I don't feel strongly about marriage.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 1:13 AM, May 31st (Saturday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5817 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Blackhair
Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, May 31st (Saturday)

I am 49 now, legally separated for a year, divorce soon. I dated a nice man but too much too soon, he needs his space and golf time. He loves me but I don''t feel the kind of love I want..... There are lots of men who is 60 are interested in me on old, or younger men are just for sex, so good post, I am ready to be alone for a while at this point. Better to have few good single girlfriends.


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, June 8th (Sunday)

So from all the replies to this thread, most of the older women have not found "love" after the divorce and all seem happy and/or resigned to being alone. It's not really what they want but know the odds of finding a man close to their age with who is a good match with them would be against the odds.

Or they are dating someone for companionship but not feeling "passionate love".

Any 50+ men care to tell what they think also???


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, June 8th (Sunday)

all seem happy and/or resigned to being alone. It's not really what they want

How did you come to THIS conclusion from the responses. Pretty much everyone said it IS what they want.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20170 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, June 8th (Sunday)

It may not have been what I wanted at the beginning, but it has become what I absolutely CRAVE now.

I can't imagine living any other way and I'm completely satisfied with that. It's bliss not having to compromise.

My boss is in a 30-year marriage and has hit the wall with a husband who isn't open to changing *at* *all*.

She's craving a new post-retirement home scenario and some travelling. All he wants to do is golf and stay put.

I don't envy people in that situation...

[This message edited by FaithFool at 1:07 PM, June 8th (Sunday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17391 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, June 8th (Sunday)

SadinAZ
I guess from the lack of responses saying something along the lines of: Found the love of my life after divorce, so in love, we are happy together, talking marriage, etc


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 8th (Sunday)

I was divorced at 48. Am now 54 and very happily single. I realize in all likelihood I will be alone until my death.

At first, it bothered me terribly, and I dated out of desperation to fill that hole......... REALLY...BAD....IDEA

Kind of like putting krill in the water because all the sharks show up. LOL

I figure life throws curve balls and my job is to accept the uncontrollable with peace and joy.

I could also fight it like a fish on a hook but that makes me tired, miserable, and cranky and I miss the joy of the present moment.

So I choose to just be. It is what it is and I am happier then I ever was when I had that tumor attached to me...I mean FT.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2673 | Registered: Jan 2010
SoHappyNow
Member
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, June 8th (Sunday)

shiloe, I thought that I was saying the "so in love, blissfully happy, DID get married and still newlywed thing in my post!

Turns out that my new husband and I are better matched than I was with my late husband (who cheated).

And I'm not only over 50, I was 64 when this new romance began to flower.


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14


Posts: 2290 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, June 9th (Monday)

hit-by-a-train

Yes, I did see that you posted that.

I did not say all, I said most.

So from all the replies to this thread, most of the older women have not found "love" after the divorce


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 592 | Registered: Mar 2003
somer222
Member
Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, June 9th (Monday)

I was 50 when my marriage ended six years ago. My new beginning has been primarily about surviving the financial devastation (and emotional) brought on by my wayward ex and not long after, being diagnosed with a serious chronic and incurable health problem that I have had to manage very carefully. It is my opinion that the devastation my ex created in my life led to the health problem.

I'm very happy to say I am in a very good place. I've recovered financially and emotionally. I love my home, my family, my friends and my pets. I feel a sense of peace and contentment. I never had that during my marriage, unfortunately. I'm also happy to say that I have been able to manage my health condition quite well.

If I happened to meet the right guy, who was willing to take it slow and who is self-supporting and who is agreeable to no co-mingling of money, perhaps then I might consider a serious relationship. But only then. If that doesn't happen, I am fine with it. My life is good!


Posts: 1408 | Registered: Oct 2008
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, June 9th (Monday)

Shiloe,

I think when you wrote:

It's not really what they want

it really made some wonder because, for many, that is PRECISELY what they want. They are not "settling" or "resigned" to it, it is simply what they want out of life and are not seeking to change it.

I will be 50 within months, and I don't know what I want, really. That is what makes the journey interesting, and I won't be disappointed with the outcome. I have no desire to remarry, ever, and I can easily argue that not having someone in my life is precisely what I want and would be content. However, I am not shutting the door on companionship either, if I end up going down that path. I think what most are saying is that happiness is where you find it, by yourself or with someone else. Everyone is different and you cannot compare your expectations with what others have experienced. There are plenty of examples of "happily ever after" with a new love after 50, but there are just as many examples of those that crave the independence of not being in another relationship. I really don't think age has anything to do with it.

Just my two cents.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
SoHappyNow
Member
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, June 10th (Tuesday)

Phoenix1:

Picture me standing up in my seat and applauding and shouting "Bravo!!! Well said! Bravo!!"


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14


Posts: 2290 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
UndecidedinMA
Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, June 10th (Tuesday)

I guess from the lack of responses saying something along the lines of: Found the love of my life after divorce, so in love, we are happy together, talking marriage, etc

I was divorced at 45(I am now 54) from a 20+ year marriage, me my now SO soon after. It was an easy divorce, no animosity so no big healing issues so I was ready to see what life held - alone or coupled.

He was not what I wanted at first but there was "something" FF 1 year later, we went solo. It has been wonderful, well except the obvious. I can say yes he is actually the love of my life. We fit together in enough ways to match and bring enough differences to keep it intersting & fun.

Marriage is in the future but no rush, we have some older parental issues that are more in the forefront.

But yes - Happy, & now I can say I truly have a love like I never had before.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Newlease
Member
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, June 10th (Tuesday)

Let me start by saying that I was 43 when my D was final. I was a total mess after 24 years in what I thought was a good marriage. I dated some - got into a relationship too soon that was not right for me - took my sweet time ending it.

Now I'm 53. To answer your questions:

Did you end up alone? No - but I am prepared for that eventuality - women tend to outlive men, so I would say most women better prepare to be alone (without a man) at the end of their lives.

Meet a good man you really like and are attracted to and he feels the same way about you? Yes six years after my D was final.

Did you just decide to settle on some guy because, let face it, not much to pick from at this stage of the game. Hell NO! I am way too fabulous to settle for anything. And I have no fear of being alone, so no need to settle.

Do you feel that only much older men were interested in you as a future care-taker? My current SO is 13 years older than me. He treats me like gold - he is truly the best man I have ever known. He hates that I might have to care for him some day, but I went into this with my eyes wide open. To care for someone you love is not a sacrifice.

Do you think you will find someone and get remarried in the future? Marriage is not a goal of mine. But I never say never.

Or just have someone to hang-out with? I have plenty of girlfriends (married and single) to hang out with.

What is your opinion on the dating market for women over 50? There are good men to be found in every age category. Is it easy to find them? Obviously not or it wouldn't have taken me 6 years to find my SO. But I'm really picky!


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7690 | Registered: Aug 2005
Topic Posts: 28