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Reconciliation
User Topic: Spinning My Wheels
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, May 29th (Thursday)

I just feel like Im spinning my wheels! When we were getting D, life was very fast... court, documents, private i... kids, visitation... stress...

Then WH left OW and it was bipolar, drug detox, call police on OW for various things, court, etc etc...

Then, in 2012, WH was well enough, and we made enough progress, we moved together to where he found a new job. So that was stressful, lots of decisions (get an apartment, kids in school, etc...)

Now, its 2014. life has settled a bit, and we have time to make longer lasting decisions (example... in 2012, we were grateful anyone would rent to us bc wh had ruined our credit. Now, we are in a better financial position & looking to buy a house)


The two big decisions are where to buy a house (i want to be closer to wh's office, he wants to be 15 miles north in the 'big city') Also, Im 35. I want to have more kids. 2 more. Do I do that now.. wait until we have a house (when will that be)


The past 4 years I have had to make snap decisions. I have had to take what the court gave me and be happy with it. I have had to take the crummy apartment because I couldnt get anything else.

Now... I have decisions that I can take time on. I have the luxury of choices. And Im not picking ANYTHING!!!

I almost need a push, like, my landlord had decided to sell and wants me out by August... or Surprise! You are pregnant!

I have learned how to make lemonade with the lemons life dealt me... Im having a hard time making decisions in a time of peace.


Posts: 1431 | Registered: Jan 2010
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

IMO it isn't just making decisions in a time of peace.

It becomes about making choices wrt what you want....after dday so many choices are the have-to kind.

So, you are not in a hurry, think about what you really want, in a house, a neighborhood, school system etc and start making a list.

It will start to feel good, the sense of calm that takes over your life. Learn to sit with things and enjoy it.

These decisions are good ones.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3858 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, May 30th (Friday)

Learn to sit with things and enjoy it.

i wonder if this is a problem i have been experiencing... i have this constant NEED to be on the go. Its just the past 2 years (post Divorce stuff)

I think, I'd like to enjoy life, sit back and relax, but something inside me acts out and over commits and plans to the point where im stressed and not thinking, enjoying, living in the moment...

i wonder if im not comfortable with the calm


Posts: 1431 | Registered: Jan 2010
LdyD
Member
Member # 42870
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, May 30th (Friday)

i wonder if this is a problem i have been experiencing... i have this constant NEED to be on the go. Its just the past 2 years (post Divorce stuff)

I think, I'd like to enjoy life, sit back and relax, but something inside me acts out and over commits and plans to the point where im stressed and not thinking, enjoying, living in the moment...

i wonder if im not comfortable with the calm

I'm the type that if I don't have 15 things to do at once, I don't know what to do with myself!

I think that it's less about not being comfortable with the calm as it's more about not being used to it!


Me - BW: 43
Him - WH: 42 (MisterBC)
D-Day #1: 2/16/14
D-Day #2: 11/20/14 (discovered lies he's told during false R)
TT and 9 months of False R
Married 12 years, Together 16 years
2 -DDs ages 11 & 13 1/2

Posts: 127 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 4