User Topic: Phrase that takes you back to square one?
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

Many of us recall a song, smell that revives that memory so vividly. I am describing good memories.

How about the phrase that takes us back to bitch mode. I know some consider that a trigger.
Mine is. " she is just a kid and doesn't deserve drama". Mind you I caught the bitch in my home with my husband and the most absurd thing to me was all our family pix were on wall.

Recently I was told the same phrase about our granddauter by ex and a questionable decision she made . I was right back in the moment, yet I was dwelling on past. That phrase made me something I'm not round of.
I hate I am able to "go there". Embarrassing but I was right there 2 years ago reliving his affair.

Just hurts so much still. Thanks for listening to my rant/pain.

BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 626 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 43226
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, May 29th (Thursday)

Whenever he refers to our separation as a "breakup". It throws me right back to the night he texted me that he was choosing her.
I have told him this, and he has since made an effort to not refer to it as such anymore.

BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
Kintsukuroi: the art of repairing broken pottery with gold and silver laquer, and understanding that it is more beautiful for having been broken

Posts: 63 | Registered: Apr 2014
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, May 30th (Friday)

His use of the word "forever".

Posts: 643 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, May 30th (Friday)

"I didn't intend to ....."

Maybe not square one so much anymore, but insta-trigger.

BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3160 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, May 30th (Friday)

Soul mate and love of my life

Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.

Posts: 1584 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 2:47 AM, May 30th (Friday)

When he says "I don't remember"

DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"

Posts: 216 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, May 30th (Friday)

When he calls anyone a liar. Or a cheat. I think the one that got me the most was when he was said a work colleague lacked any integrity because he cheated at golf!! And this same guy was “telling one thing to my face and then going behind my back and doing something else.” We were changing our broadband supplier, after talking to our existing one, he came off the phone and was seething. “I don’t like being lied to!!” Really?

Another is when he is away for work and tells me he is meeting a colleague/supplier/whoever for dinner and I’m straight back to wondering just how many times he said that when he was with honeytwat.

D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 57 y/o Him, WS, 58 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 19 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3475 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Member # 42544
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, May 30th (Friday)

"We are just friends" or anything along the lines of "just a friend". Makes my blood boil!

Together - 14 years
Married - 7 years
DDay- Jan 15, 2014. WH had EA/PA

Hopeful reconciliation.

Posts: 80 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 24719
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, May 30th (Friday)

When he calls anyone a liar. Or a cheat.

"I Love you more." Nah, motherfucker, you don't. He's gotten good at not saying that anymore.

Me- 40- BS Him- 36- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 3 mo. EA d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute 11/5/13 in R
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah."- Leonard Cohen

Posts: 2286 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Midwest
Faithful w/Love
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, May 30th (Friday)

"Just friends"
"We are just don't have it anymore"
"It's for the best"
"I'm in a zone"

Almost anything he says is a trigger!

BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"

Posts: 2870 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, May 30th (Friday)

"We need to have a meeting."

That's what he said when he called me the day he found out OW was pregnant. I recall everything about that very second.

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2611 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, May 30th (Friday)

"It's not like that" ws response to every one of my statements about him having an A.

"My bad" that catchy little phrase is not allowed in my house, even my kids know not to say it. Ow said it to me when I confronted her by text, then ws who never said it before, summed up he was still in contact when he said it to me in casual conversation.

""Your so insecure and jealous" said to me by ws AND ow when int suspicions were confirmed.
Man I feel the anger setting in just by typing this.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5238 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Faithful w/Love
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, May 30th (Friday)

Oh I forgot
"Its not like that and Not what you think"
"Ill never be with that girl"
All these while he threw the A in my face.

BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"

Posts: 2870 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, May 30th (Friday)

"Soulmate" - because they thought they were. OW2 is the only woman my husband has said that to. Including me.

"Out of my league" - he thought she was, unlike me who was common enough to actually marry him.

"Friend" - their code word for each other in their facebook posts.

Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1514 | Registered: Nov 2010
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, May 30th (Friday)

"Im going to give it to God." - talking to OW2. Whatever.... you're on your third affair. Obviously YOU can't handle it.

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”

Posts: 5493 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 55
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, May 30th (Friday)

Just get over it
I don't remember
I don't know

Posts: 4272 | Registered: Jun 2002
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, May 30th (Friday)

I don't remember (well neither do I)
It wasn't about you (well I am suffering because of it) -and-
If we D, I'll have to get a one bedroom apt and sell all my stuff (too bad, should have thought of that)

These make my blood boil!

Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12

Posts: 1209 | Registered: Dec 2013
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, May 30th (Friday)

"Are you ever going to forget?" (um, NO)

For the life of me I can't pick out the exact phrase, but wh still will occassionally try to shift the blame to me. He always uses the same words. It doesn't work so well.

I'm more a places/dates kind of person.

ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 486 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, May 30th (Friday)

Last fall WH started telling DS6 to "make good choices" since he seemed to be getting in trouble at school. Funny thing is that was right about the time WH was starting his EA. Thankfully he doesn't say it anymore because if he did I think I'd punch him in the head.

I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Posts: 361 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
Member # 42734
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

'It was just a lot of inappropriate conversation'

As if an EA is any less destructive than a PA ... And whats worse is i dont belv him abt there being no PA. So when i hear this phrase i feel like theres really a PA he is tryg to cover up

Married '03 - DD1 '01, DD2,3 '13, DD4 '14
3 kids 7y and 4y twins
me - sahm since '07, him - idk him any more
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

Posts: 283 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 43530
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

"fine" (his non-commicatice answer for everything), "I don't know" , "I don't remember" ....And my absolute favorite, "sweet" as in cool or awesome.

AP was my friend and she used to say it all the time. When WS started using it even after she had moved away, that was one of the indicators that he had been communicating with her behind my back. WS insists he has been saying it since High School (yeah, I don't think so).

When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

DDay 1 - 1/13, False Recovery Discovered more + Broken NC so DDay2= 7/14

9/9/14: filed for divorce

BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)
DD-10, DS-8

Posts: 109 | Registered: May 2014
Member # 26750
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

"Don't forget Secretary's Day!"

Not a chance anymore.

many kids now, 1 then
DDAY: 1987

Reconciled; Sometimes still have hard days, but getting by. Still dealing with feelings I buried,but finally getting them out.

Posts: 265 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: USA
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

Well, my Husband happens to be in Las Vegas, one scene of many crimes.

I just had a mini meltdown, and he just said to me, " I don't remember, but I can assure you I was working." Really?

OW flew in at 8:30 am, couldn't get into the hotel room and just hung out in the lobby with her suitcase until 5 when he was done? Ummm, I don't think so! Why can't he just own it and tell the truth?

The other thing he just said to me was... "God forgave me, move on!"

Really, just forget it? He cancelled Homecoming weekend for two children's college at the very last minute. She got the time I was begging for, in addition to a very very expensive shopping spree, first class plane ticket, a credit card and very expensive dinners out for two nights! And apparently lots of sex...which I had none.

Right... Just no trigger at all that you are in Las Vegas!

Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 180 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

When H describes something as "different".

He told me sex with AP wasn't worse, it wasn't better it was "different". God I hate that word.

Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 692 | Registered: Jun 2012
solus sto
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

"You're the one who wanted the divorce." (Yes, Asswipe. That's exactly what I wanted. Not.)

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9019 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

Strangely enough....the word "cocktails".

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 35475
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

"Love you" without an "I" in front. He started saying it to me during his A. Shortly there after came ILYBNILWY. With the "I", i know he personally is involved in the feeling.

WS (him) 48
BS (me) 39
Together since 5/13/2005
Married 10/13/2012
No kids together. 3 total between us (17, 15, 13)
Affair started: 12/19/2011
Sobriety birthday: 1/11/2012
D-day: 2/17/2012
R-day: 3/1/2012
"The next time you think you a

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Leicester, North Carolina
Member # 40209
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, May 31st (Saturday)

"I can't remember"
"I'm not going to discuss that"
and ever popular "Well I'm here aren't I" that phrase just makes me all warm and fuzzy all over.

Posts: 67 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: CA
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, June 1st (Sunday)

"It is what it is."

In the early days of trauma, I found a note written by my WH to himself on a business card hidden in a glasses case at our cottage. It was about how he was ok with the AP having sex with others because he was using me as a "release". After all, "it is what it is". He had apparently written it while waiting in the car for the AP to show up for a "date" after she had accused him of stalking her. I didn't tell him I had found it, I replaced it and waited and watched for weeks for him to find it as a test. He never did so I finally showed it to him. He claimed no memory of writing it, refused to read it and threw it in the fire to burn.

His actions upon being shown the note told volumes about his refusal to deal with the reality of his choices.

I immediately trigger when I hear that phrase.

Posts: 729 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 1st (Sunday)

when he says I forgot. It takes me right back to the moment I heard her voice on the phone. When I asked him for history he says.I forgot everything. He can remeber his golf scores from the years 2000 but cant remember details. Right!

The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1411 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, June 1st (Sunday)

I don't remember.

They didn't mean anything to me.

It was just a release.

I didn't love them.

I never stopped loving you.

I looked for qualities in them that you had. I was looking for you in them. (Right here the whole time, never left Asshole.)

We weren't communicating.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, June 1st (Sunday)

When he says something wrong, or does something just plain stupid and his excuse is

"I wasn't thinking"

Hey jerk, you no longer have the luxury of that excuse!


"My memory is horrible these days"

Any time he refers to him and another woman as a "We" or an "Us". Even if it's just about work, or talking about someone in his past.

And then there is the "You're my everything". This one pisses me off, yet if he stops saying it I'm sure I'll be pissed too. It's never going to be the same

[This message edited by TrulySad at 3:20 PM, June 1st (Sunday)]

Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.

Posts: 481 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, June 1st (Sunday)

"I've gotta take time for me"

His A was "me" time - and he will still occasionally use it - in reference now as to why he's canceling on the kids.

It makes me wish my super power was punching people through the phone.

"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08

Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
Member # 35989
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, June 1st (Sunday)

Words used when I was clearly concerned about their relationship

"Relax" -- said slowly / drawn out.
"We're just friends"

She never says relax or chill anymore, but even thinking about her saying them messes with me.

I typo therefore I edit.

Posts: 198 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, June 1st (Sunday)

One word "whatever".

That pisses me off to no end.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7816 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, June 1st (Sunday)

"She doesn't take 'no' for an answer."

BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014


Posts: 2333 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Member # 38653
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, June 1st (Sunday)

Adding to RightTrack's suggestion of "forever"' I'm adding "always". He used to sign his letters to her "love forever and always". Besides the terribly bad grammar, I can't think of another word, other than "infinity" that might take its place...

Course, after she dumped him, he told her he would find "another resort to take a vacation".... So I'm left with the word "holiday", and wondering when the next resort will rear her ugly head.

Me (BS) 42 Him (FWS) 43
AP#2 (LTA EA/PA) DD #1 16 Feb 2013
AP#1 (LTA EA with my BF) DD #2 16 Nov 2013
Married 11 years, T 19 years

Posts: 249 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 36763
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, June 1st (Sunday)

The word "pussy" because she called him a pussy and he said it was something about the way she said it to him that made him want her bad.

The video game "Mario Kart", which is when she would call him a pussy, as he would leave to go home to me his wife, she wanted him to stay with her longer, some friend she was!

The phrase "piss off", she used to say it a lot in a englishy way and he started saying it.

Nebraska, because she is from there. I will never be able to be friends with anyone from there ever.

Oh man!

me WW/BW-31
him BH/WH- 31

2002/3 (him) EA

PA(me)-Nov 2007

Tog. 14 yrs, Marr. 13 and counting!


Posts: 146 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 38