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User Topic: What would you do/think
bunni972
Member
Member # 33690
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, June 6th (Friday)

If you found an email account where your FWH was looking for a "discreet married man" to perform a certain sexual act that his BS does not like or want to perform.


ME: BS 40
HIM: FWH 41
2 boys: 20, 17
DDay #1: October 17th 2011 (A w/ co-worker & visit with 2 "working girls"
DDay #2: September 20th 2013(A w/ girl from Craigslist. Had sex multiple times with 2 women he found on Ashley Madison.
Not s

Posts: 99 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: West Frankfort, IL
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, June 6th (Friday)

I think I'd drop the F off of FWH...you've already had two DDays. And I wouldn't have sex again until he had an STD panel done.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
EvenKeel
Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, June 6th (Friday)

I would be performing a certain act that he does not like or want to perform.....serving him D papers.


Edited: Sorry - I did not mean to sound short. I read your history and he has a history that includes making you feel like you have done something to result in As. I don't see how this time will be any different, he is going to say he is doing this because you aren't willing.

None of that was your fault. He has other choices if he is not happy in the marriage.

Please stop letting him convince you that your actions creative his "recipe" for A(s). He has a problem that he needs to address.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 10:05 AM, June 6th (Friday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2177 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, June 6th (Friday)

This happened to me. I found his secret email account. Only he was looking to give..not receive.

A straight man doesn't look for other men to have sex..of any kind with. He is either bi, or gay. You need to know.

Have you confronted him yet? If not, start investigating, but don't let him know what you know. It'll be hard. But if you confront too soon he will tell you it's a joke, he was curious,blah,blah,blah.

Keylogger...VAR...etc.

Also...it doesn't matter if you will give him oral sex or not. He has no right to look outside the marriage.

Im so sorry. It's a tough situation. And scary. And shocking. And so very painful. Im so sorry.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7679 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
LostSamurai
Member
Member # 41347
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, June 6th (Friday)

I be deeply worried that he is looking for Other Men...

Have you confronted him about this? That too me is very troublesome.


I am now nothing by a mere Ronin.

Posts: 1041 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Maryland
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, June 6th (Friday)

I would do nothing other than see a lawyer and file for divorce. Probably with some shock and awe included.*


*this has nothing to do with the gender involved, but with the added dday


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
bunni972
Member
Member # 33690
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, June 6th (Friday)

I have not said anything to him yet. I just happened to see it this morning when I set down at his computer. He had a window minimized so I looked at it and that's when I saw it. I just read the headlines of the email notifications from Craigslist because I didn't have his password for this email account I didn't know he even had.
He was sleeping when I left for work this morning. That's all I have heard about this week is how he wants, needs, deserves a blow job. WTF ever!! He knows I don't like to do it, this isn't some big surprise, I never had. I have done it in the past but its harder for me to do it know, knowing the places he has put that thing! Yes it does it for me occasionally but that is the only way that I get any pleasure from our love making. Ughh.....


ME: BS 40
HIM: FWH 41
2 boys: 20, 17
DDay #1: October 17th 2011 (A w/ co-worker & visit with 2 "working girls"
DDay #2: September 20th 2013(A w/ girl from Craigslist. Had sex multiple times with 2 women he found on Ashley Madison.
Not s

Posts: 99 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: West Frankfort, IL
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Wow. I'm so sorry. I would think what everyone else has thought - he's going to cheat again. It doesn't matter if it's with a man or a woman - he's no longer a Former wayward and likely never was.

You have to do everything you can to protect yourself. It's bad enough when they develop a relationship with one person as the AP, but soliciting sex acts from total strangers on the internet is even worse. You have no idea who these people are, where they've been, and even if they do this as a "profession".

While I know it's a drastic move, I'm with the other posters who have said to just get your ducks in a row and file for divorce. He's not going to turn into a caring, compassionate husband who understands why his wife is uncomfortable with certain things. He's obviously extremely selfish and immature - almost like that 17 year old boyfriend we all had who would (not so subtly) shove your head in that direction during a make out session. That's manipulative, cruel, and toxic and it won't change unless/until he sees that it's wrong and does some serious work on himself. I wouldn't wait around for that to happen.

Get away from him. He's dangerous.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2840 | Registered: Jan 2011
Schadenfreude
Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, June 6th (Friday)

I'd think HIV testing right away for both of you especially if I'm reading between the lines accurately. As well as STD battery.

Because I'm on a transplant list, I'm HIV tested annually. And I get the same official-sounding letter every year that I'm negative. But I don't have a spouse who is "gay curious" with men.

Confused isn't confused. Straight men just don't have sex with other men. We're not even touchy feely like you women are with each other. Adding to that, straight men don't have an interest in playing catcher, if you know what I mean.


Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, June 6th (Friday)

I would
1) be concerned about the true nature of his sexuality; and/or
2) be concerned that his *desire* was so overwhelming that he's looking for a 'loophole'. I have no idea why, but when I read your post the first thing I thought was that, if caught by you, his response would be his behavior's not 'cheating' because it was with a man -- followed by blameshifting since *you* won't do 'that'.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Triple post

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:08 PM, June 6th (Friday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Oops triple post

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:08 PM, June 6th (Friday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Two DD's, both what I would call risky..craigslist and working girls, and now some random stranger to get a bj. Personally, I wouldn't perform any sex act with him, he's dangerous for your health not to mention what he's doing to you emotionally. I'm so sorry. I don't usually say this to members but really, I hope you find the strength to put him in the past. He's chipping your life away and there will eventually be just a shell left I'm afraid. A person can only take so much before they break. Please take care of yourself, you being priority, him not even close.
((Bunni))


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 13