New Beginnings
User Topic: t/j bad sex partner, warning: graphic
Helen of Troy
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, June 6th (Friday)

T/J from the other thread.
Have you ever heard of the reverse problem? a guy (who does not take Viagra, or any meds etc.) who gets very aroused, fully erect but cannot ejaculate during intercourse or by oral? only by own hand manually. Hasn't had many sexual partners, so not mr smooth type acting but most likely looked at porn/masturbated while single.

Posts: 4725 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Yes. If you want to discuss you can PM me, because I'm not sure who is reading my posts on here now.

I've read it's common with men with sexual addiction problems, guilt, or who masturbate so much that they can't ejaculate with a woman.

[This message edited by miadianna at 3:43 PM, June 6th (Friday)]

Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7485 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Member # 37672
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Yes there is such a problem.

Posts: 174 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Yes... this was XSO at times. I can't say for sure what his issue was but he was pretty into porn. I have a feeling that had a lot to do with it.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15435 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 24824
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, June 6th (Friday)

I've read it's common with men with sexual addiction problems, guilt, or who masturbate so much that they can't ejaculate with a woman.

Totally this.

What are you going to do when he leaves you?

Posts: 564 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Europe
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Yes, it's called delayed ejaculation. It can be a result of people who are SA, but it is also just a common form of sexual dysfunction. It can be very frustrating. The best way to handle it is to figure out what works - perhaps having him manually stimulate himself until he is "there" and then incorporating you into it.

DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, June 6th (Friday)

Sometimes, a big dose of patience will go a long way. I learned our first night together about his ED.....he had been on the bus for 11 years. He really wants to penetrate me and we tried about everything - up to and including shots into his penis. Only a few times have we had intercourse. Howsome-evah....he really wants to give me pleasure and has figured out several ways to accomplish that, as have I with him. We are both happy and compatible in bed. Give it a little time.

In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14

Posts: 2299 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, June 7th (Saturday)

My last BF had this issue. I'd never heard of it before until him. It could be frustrating at times since I could never "succeed" but I have a difficult time orgasming too (at least from a partner alone) so I think I could be more sympathetic to the issue

"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 877 | Registered: Feb 2006
Member # 36336
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, June 7th (Saturday)

BTDT. Many different things could be the problem.
I take an ED drug to get me like I was in HS, without it I'm "up" but not "UP!".

My situation is two problems. I don't want more kids and that REALLY plays on my mind during sex. I need to get cut asap. My other problem is opposite of yours, my SO is a "one and done" and she finishes early.
Might also be that it has been nearly 20 yrs since I had been with anyone but my wife. At first it felt like I was cheating.

Could also be that I drink beer, not to the point of "whiskey dick"...but I'm sure it has limited me.

Who says he has to finish? I know I don't complain, I may try to get her to keep going but I'm not going to force it. I'm happy just being with her.

I'm also one that doesn't "go it alone". I am in my 40's and can see a drop in sex drive. Not to the point that I'd ever turn it down though. lol.

Long story short, it's mental and could be many things.

Just a guys POV.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, June 7th (Saturday)

I like your point of view in your post..I admire people who have realistic expectations and are grateful for what they have..

During the latter years of my marriage(we are separated now) my WH had delayed ejaculation..

Sex with him has killed me for having sex with anybody else for the rest of my life, lol..He was very very needy and had a self entitled attitude as big as Texas..

Sex wasn't over until he had finished and finished with fireworks...If I didn't have any more energy in me to keep going and he wasn't finished, my life was made unpleasant by his pouting, shitty attitude for the rest of the day, for several days.. It was his attitude that pushed me away, not his problem..I was deemed sexually inadequate, frigid by WH because I couldn't bounce off of the chandeliers or last all day and night..

Nobody is perfect, lol...With GOOD attitudes of both partners there can be a creativity that makes sex physically and emotionally pleasurable for both..

[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:36 AM, June 7th (Saturday)]

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1362 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, June 8th (Sunday)

Anti-depressants can also cause this problem, so it happened for a while when I was with The Princess. I was always "there for her" first, and then would "help myself out" while she kissed me and/or paid attention to the rest of my body, so she was still very involved in the process. We both enjoyed this.

I swear, I sometimes can''t believe the things I reveal on here.

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, June 8th (Sunday)

Pass, I know what you mean! I share WAY TMI, myself!

In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14

Posts: 2299 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
Member # 21587
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, June 9th (Monday)

Does he drink?

BS 38
FWW 37 (fireandice)
Married 13 Years - Together 20
D-Day1:Jan 08 (EA OM#1)
D-Day2:8-15-08 (EA/PA OM#2)
DS12, DS9
Divorced 1-27-11
Remember, you don't drown from being thrown in the water. You drown from staying in it.

Posts: 1009 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 13