SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Off Topic
User Topic: Mojo please! B. In. law hospitalized in Moscow
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, June 9th (Monday)

My bro in law, age 58, has congestive heart failure. He lives to travel and visit historical sites. They have been doing a cruise in Russia, staying in touch with his doctors by email. My sister takes good care of him, goes to all his doctor appointments, and got they got the ok from his cardiologist to travel that far.

They've been posting pix on FB of the beautiful sights. BIL has been tired a lot., not able to go on all the tours. He has been doing poorly and was coughing and coughing. He spat up blood. He was so tired. They called an ambulence and when they lay him on his back he couldn't breathe. My sister was trying to tell them to let him sit up when his eyes glazed over and he turned purple. They wouldn't let her be in the ambulence, or go to the hospital to be with him. They called to let her know he is alive and breathing on his own.

My sister called me crying having watched her husband almost die. Now it's early morning there and she is trying to rest. Hopefully she can see him in the hospital soon.

Is this normal for Russian hospitals not to let the spouse even wait in the waiting room?

At least he is in Moscow in a cardiac intensive care unit and not a small town like the ones they have passed on their river cruise.

Please send prayers and mojo to my dear sis and bil. He is the nicest guy and these are two lovebirds even after 19 years of. M. They tool the best care of me when I went through the D.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, June 9th (Monday)

(((((BIL and Sis))))) How terrifying! Can she reach out to the American Consulate for help navigating this? There may also be expats in the area who could help understand how things work there? I'll be keeping them both in my thoughts.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, June 9th (Monday)

Saying prayers. And ditto what NIK said, reach out to the US consulate.

(((((((Innerlight)))))))


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5284 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Cally60
Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, June 9th (Monday)

In case you haven't already found it, this page has the relevant contact information, including out-of-hours phone numbers. (It specifically mentions help for US citizens during medical emergencies):

http://moscow.usembassy.gov/service.html

[This message edited by Cally60 at 5:58 PM, June 9th (Monday)]


Posts: 2117 | Registered: Mar 2009
Cally60
Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, June 9th (Monday)

Another thought.... Phone systems, ring tones, etc. in other countries can sometimes be confusing. (As anyone who's watched people struggling with the payphones at US airports probably knows.) Though cellphones help now, obviously.

This page gives brief details about making phone calls in Moscow:

http://www.elenastravel.com/phones-and-mobile-phones-in-moscow/

[This message edited by Cally60 at 6:17 PM, June 9th (Monday)]


Posts: 2117 | Registered: Mar 2009
cmego
Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, June 9th (Monday)

(((Inner and family))))


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4186 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
purplejacket4
Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, June 9th (Monday)

My grandfather had to be admitted emergently in Minsk in the 1990s. They took very good care if him and from the pictures he took it didn't look as nice at the medical school hospital but was very comparable to the VA I trained at.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2247 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, June 9th (Monday)

I think they will take good care of him. Moscow is a world class city and I'm sure the doctors are good. My sister has been communicating with her husband's doctors and I think the russian doctors are talking to the american doctors.

I just don't understand why they won't let her go to the hospital to see him. It's 9am in the morning there, so hopefully that will be resolved soon.

I gave her the numbers for the us consulate in moscow. Thanks Cally.

Fingers crossed this all works out...


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)

Got an email from sister saying he is in a medically induced coma and they are letting her visit.

This does not look good. My sister is half way around the world dealing with this. If it was in the US I would be in the car driving to get to her side.

I will look into traveling there but I'm not sure I can do that...


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)

(((IL)))

Sending healing MOJO, and prayers.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)

How distressing IL. I'm so sorry to hear this.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17560 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)

Thanks for the good thoughts.

I just talked to my sister. She is haunted by watching the ambulance workers lie her husband down and him saying he couldn't breathe and trying to tell them that he had to sit up but they didn't understand her. Then he turned purple.

She has had this happen before in the US, and they kept him sitting upright.

It is an hour drive in bumper to bumper traffic to get to the hospital, and she is so upset thinking of him in that long ambulance ride, and now alone in that hospital.

She is worried about brain damage and that he will never fully recover. They say he has brain activity. Alpha and Theta (I think) waves.

She can't eat, she can't sleep. She is a very calm, confident, together person, but this is too much. I feel for her. It reminds me of how I felt after DDay.

I might have to fly out there to be with her, and I will drop everything in a minute if I have to. My sister is my closest person in the world.

I am so glad I told BIL I loved him last I spoke to him on the phone just after his mother passed a week before their trip.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, June 10th (Tuesday)

((((((IL, sis, BIL)))))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, June 10th (Tuesday)

(((Inner, Sister, and BIL)))

Keeping all of you in my heart and thoughts. Sending mojo.


Posts: 35933 | Registered: Mar 2011
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, June 10th (Tuesday)

My BIL's american cardiologist is talking to the russian cardiologist and working on arranging a medi-evac.

He says that the heart issue is manageable, it's not knowing how long he was without oxygen and if he has brain damage that is the big question.

I've dug out my passport and packed in case I get called on to go. Right now just waiting to find out when/where/if of medievac.

Do I cancel my weekend workshop I've arranged? I guess I do...


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
purplejacket4
Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, June 10th (Tuesday)

Yes cancel. You'll be too worried to get anything out if it and you'll want to travel to wherever BIL ends up.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2247 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, June 11th (Wednesday)

Thanks PJ. I am the workshop leader and I hate canceling on people. I will give it another day as it is not clear if they can get him out soon... Or if there is a delay due to insurance.

Insurance may not cover medi-evac due to pre-existing condition...they may take a while to decide...


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, June 11th (Wednesday)

It's so hard on my sister. Her cruise friends leave today and soon she will be alone in Moscow.

She thinks her husband went too long without oxygen and will never come back whole.

This is heartbreaking and I wish I could just go. Still waiting to find out what city he will medi evac to and I will meet her there. Then she thinks we would unplug the ventilator and he may or may not die. He has a pacemaker. Would he stay alive longer as a veg with a pacemaker?

All prayers appreciated.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, June 11th (Wednesday)

Sending good thoughts, prayers, mojo... everything.

(((InnerLight and family)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17864 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, June 11th (Wednesday)

((IL))


Sending you all the good vibes and prayers I've got right now. How terrifying for all of you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, June 11th (Wednesday)

Thank you. I feel really odd. I am meeting with my distance learning students and carrying on as normal in some ways....then packing when I have a chance....talking to my sister or to her friends or office to update them...

and then now and then it hits me that I have probably lost my brother-in-law, and what a dear sweet loving man he was. And so smart. A lovely big-hearted clever Asperger's dude.

I spoke to his cardiologist for my sister and he may be able to talk to the russian doctor tomorrow. It will be 1am his time, but if my sister can get the russian doc he will take her call. He said the evac to CA is still a possibility, but we have to take it one day at a time.

In the center of all this I feel deep inside a peace...but there is a lot of debris, details and strong emotions swirling around.

Tell your loved ones that you love them.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
persevere
Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, June 11th (Wednesday)

Positive thoughts and strength for your BIL and Sister IL. ((Hugs))


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4614 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, June 12th (Thursday)

BIL off sedation now. Still unconscious and on breathing support.

Russian docs say it may be a week before safe for BIL to medevac.

Neurologist will check him in half an hour.

This is so hard on my sister. Strangers are being nice to here. There is grace in that.

I wish she had a friend or me right there.

Hard to sleep. Woke up at 4:45 with a call from my sis.

Emotions are all over. Calm and together to lots of crying and sadness. I am sure it is 100x worse for my sister.

Why is Moscow so far away with hard to get visas?

[This message edited by InnerLight at 7:40 AM, June 12th (Thursday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
luvbug0915
Member
Member # 22934
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, June 12th (Thursday)

I don't have any advice or sage words IL, just (((BIL, sister and InnerLight))).

I'm so sorry for your pain.


"I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it."-Patti LaBelle


Posts: 1049 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Metro Atlanta
still2suspicious
Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, June 12th (Thursday)

How truly terrifying for your sister and BIL.

Sending prayers to them, and you, IL.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, June 12th (Thursday)

((((IL & Family)))) Sending positive thoughts your way.......


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15293 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, June 12th (Thursday)

I''m so sorry. I''ll be praying for your BIL and sister. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4949 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, June 12th (Thursday)

I am very much appreciating the kindness of strangers. Many people being good to my sister as she navigates this maze in a foreign language in a huge strange city.

I am starting to get used to my new normal of not knowing what will happen from day to day. Of waking up pre-dawn and trying to help my sister from afar.

What a strange time. Appreciating all the SI hugs being sent our way.

(((((SI folks))))))



BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, June 13th (Friday)

After 12 hours of not regaining. Consciousness the doctors have re induced coma.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 6:03 AM, June 13th (Friday)

Sorry double post

[This message edited by InnerLight at 6:04 AM, June 13th (Friday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:48 AM, June 13th (Friday)

Inner - That is somewhat normal. If he has brain injury from not having enough oxygen, then there is also some swelling, just like after you exercise super hard, and you are sore, and tight, that is swelling.
Giving him support, while his brain doesn't have to do any real work and allow it to heal, and decrease it's swelling can really help. I know it's got to be totally overwhelming and nerve wracking for your sister, and you.

Sending mojo, prayers, and healing thoughts.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, June 13th (Friday)

((((IL, sis, BIL)))) You have all been in my thoughts non-stop.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, June 13th (Friday)

Just talked to my sister and she said the first ambulance that picked up my BIL when he was in distress was not completely equipped and didn't have oxygen. They made him lie down and he couldn't breathe and he turned purple. Then they took my sister away and that amublance waited for a better ambulance to come...took maybe 40 minutes to arrive. This happened Monday morning our time.

They diagnosed a hemorrhagic stroke. His left eye is popping out a bit. He is in a deep coma. They gave the number 63%, and they want to see 75% I think that meant 75% before transport is possible, tho not quite sure what these percentages mean.

He is on dopamine to maintain blood pressure which is now normal. All the heart failure condition issues are OK. On Sunday they will have a team discussion on his ability to withstand a medivac.

My sister has to move again since visa expires she can't stay in a hotel but hospital will let her stay overnight there, different one than my BIL is in.

He has a nice room with a big window and he is getting good care.

Thanks for all the thoughts and good wishes.

Please help me visualize him coming home with my sister soon. Flying safely to his local hospital in CA.

Feeling waves of anxiety and then I can deal. OK, time to get my own work in order again. I feel


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, June 18th (Wednesday)

The situation does not look good. Medical team involved with evac reviewed records and said they had not seen such a difficult case. It's Day 9 and he is no longer on the drugs but still in a coma. Chest tube detached yesterday and team says tube must be detached for 10 days before they will fly him.

We are discussing how to know when to pull the plug. American doctor says to make those decisions form here. Bring him home first.

It could be weeks before he is ready to come home. My sister is in limbo in this difficult situation. I am still working on visa to go be with her in case I have to go.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, June 18th (Wednesday)

((((((InnerLight))))))

so all of the problems are because he was forced to lay down???


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4209 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, June 18th (Wednesday)

((((((Inner Light and family)))))

I am so sorry. I know you wish you could be at your sister's side but I also know that she feels your heart with her, even with the distance.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, June 18th (Wednesday)

so all of the problems are because he was forced to lay down???

In a way yes. It made it so he couldn't breath because of the fluid due to heart failure. Then the ambulance was not equipped with oxygen. There was a language barrier and my sister and the captain of the cruise ship were saying can't you see he needs oxygen, and that he has to sit up, but they were set up trying to find a vein to give him morphine. He did not need morphine.

Then they had to wait for 45 minutes while a second ambulance that was equipped with oxygen got there through moscow traffic. Then they went another 45 minutes before he got to the hospital. I think when he got to the hospital he was having seizures so they put him in a coma.

So yes, unskilled treatment in an ill-equipped ambulance. The heart failure and fluid issue would not have killed him if he could have gotten to the hospital unabused where they would have drained the fluid.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 3:48 PM, June 18th (Wednesday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 18th (Wednesday)

(((Innerlight & family)))

Posts: 35933 | Registered: Mar 2011
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, June 19th (Thursday)

The russian director of the hospital spoke to my sister about end of life issues. He has an advanced directive, but it doesn't apply in Russia where they don't unplug patients per an advanced directive apparently.

It is not yet totally hopeless for my dear brother in law. He is about the same, in a coma, eyes not responding to light, no reflexes, but also no more pneumonia either.

Still working on getting air ambulance to bring him home. It has to stop 5x to get all the way to CA. These are small planes.

I think his care is competent there, as the American doctor is saying the Russian docs are doing all the right things.

So much ambiguity and uncertainty.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, June 19th (Thursday)

((IL))

I've been thinking about you all week for some reason.

How is your sister holding up? I will keep sending out all the good thoughts and mojo I can.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, June 19th (Thursday)

I cannot imagine how horribly hard this is on you and your family.

I only had to go 4 hours away when H had his MI, and that was hard enough.

Wishing you answers, and a plan soon.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, June 19th (Thursday)

How is your sister holding up?

She is doing amazingly well and staying up on the sea of paperwork, allowing space for her grief too. She is very very sad. She realizes this might the end of the line for her beloved husband. At the least he will be disabled. Chances of full recovery seem very slim, a fantasy, it would truly be a miracle.

I think there is so much to do to say abreast of the situation that there is only so much a person can allow themselves to feel. She is eating a little more this week. This is going to be a long experience for her, years.

Thank you for thinking of her, of me, of BIL, of our family. It is just...wow....


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, June 20th (Friday)

Today I got the news that he has been determined by the docs to be allowed to fly in the air ambulance. It will fly at sea level. They are looking at 3 choices of medical crews. The chosen crew will spend a day with my BIL (still in coma, on ventilator) before they fly out. I am sure hoping this works out and they both will be home soon, and the Russia chapter of this tragedy will be over. No offense to Russia, its just so far away.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, June 20th (Friday)

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts, IL. (((((hugs)))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, June 20th (Friday)

I hope he is home soon, IL. Many blessings to you all.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
luvbug0915
Member
Member # 22934
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, June 20th (Friday)

Holding you, sis and BIL in my thoughts and wrapping you all in love and light for his journey home.


"I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it."-Patti LaBelle


Posts: 1049 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Metro Atlanta
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, June 20th (Friday)

So happy to hear this. What an operation. Wow...


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17560 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, June 20th (Friday)

Itinerary received. They should arrive in CA Monday night. So relieved. Some of my sister's friends have called me crying tears of relief.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 6:49 PM, June 20th (Friday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, June 20th (Friday)

So relieved to hear this! (((((IL, sis, BIL)))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, June 20th (Friday)

so happy that this progress has been made. Still sending you all healing thoughts.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, June 22nd (Sunday)

One day postponement because of visa renewal delay. Oi Vey!

New departure is 10:40am Tuesday, Moscow time. which is 11:40pm Monday Pacific Time, arriving California 8:40pm PT.

There will be a doctor, nurse and respiratory therapist on board as well as his wife - my sister.

The plane is supposed to fly at sea level to avoid changes in pressure that would negatively affect BIL's health. I don't know how that is possible, and it sounds really dangerous. If there are any pilots here, please explain!

3 stops for refueling - Ireland, Newfoundland, Minnesota.

I will be thinking of them NON-STOP during this flight!

[This message edited by InnerLight at 6:40 PM, June 22nd (Sunday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
yewtree
Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, June 23rd (Monday)

Oh goodness this is complicated! Safe travels to everyone!


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4694 | Registered: Oct 2007
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, June 23rd (Monday)

hope the flights are going well today IL!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, June 23rd (Monday)

Another delay. But only a few hours.

The flight will now leave at 1:40am Tuesday and be in 12:40am Wednesday.

I hope he doesn't die en route.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, June 24th (Tuesday)

I texted with my sister while she was waiting to go to the hospital. She is not normally anxious about flying but she was terribly nervous about this 20 hour flight and worried how it affect her sick husband. She was just trying to breathe and read inspirational literature. It was so hard to find the words that might help without being annoying. I settled on 'I love my brave little sister.' and she texted back, 'I love my strong, resourceful big sister.'

In the middle of the night I checked her FB and she had posted from the airport saying it was 35 minutes to departure, and that her H had made the transport to the airport OK.

So they are in the air, out of contact, and I am just praying they land safely. Another 17 more hours or so to go....


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 24th (Tuesday)

Every finger and toe is crossed that the journey is smooth and uneventful for all, IL. Sending you strength for the long day of waiting ahead. ((((IL, sis, BIL, flight crew))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, June 24th (Tuesday)

What NIK said.

Hang in there.

(((and strength, and mojo, and prayers))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
metamorphisis
Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, June 24th (Tuesday)

Sending love and strength and mojo for a peaceful and safe flight.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44989 | Registered: Sep 2006
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

so happy that he is in the air on the way. sending lots of love to your sister and BIL


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

Landed safely In Newfoundland to refuel, trip halfway over.
Bro in law stable


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

So glad to hear things are going well so far.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
positively4thst
Member
Member # 23998
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

Think positive and picture the best outcome. Don't draw any conclusions until he is evaluated by US docs. Russia does not need any more bad PR and I'm sure they want to hand him over to US med staff just as badly as we want to receive him. Some of the stuff, inducing comas, etc. can be par for the course to stabilize patients. Don't draw any conclusions yet, western medicine can do amazing things.

Hugs to you and your family.


Posts: 1253 | Registered: May 2009
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

I'm happy to hear it is going well. Good thoughts coming your way.

Posts: 35933 | Registered: Mar 2011
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

Last leg of the air ambulance now. Landing in 3 hours, then I'll go meet them at the hospital. I just don't know what to expect when I meet her, I will just stay in the present...

Think positive and picture the best outcome. Don't draw any conclusions until he is evaluated by US docs. Russia does not need any more bad PR and I'm sure they want to hand him over to US med staff just as badly as we want to receive him. Some of the stuff, inducing comas, etc. can be par for the course to stabilize patients. Don't draw any conclusions yet, western medicine can do amazing things.

Thanks for this. There has been very little hope offered by either the russian docs (who spoke good english) or the american docs conferring with them from here. But you're right. The evaluation here will be critical...

[This message edited by InnerLight at 10:38 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

Sister home, thank god!

My mom and sister and I were up til 3am, a happy reunion even as bro in law is gravely ill. I had a few minutes to be w him in the hospital.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

So glad they made it home! Sending prayers for peace and healing


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

I am so glad he is back here! (((IL & family)))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

So happy to hear he is home and stable. Now you can all take a breath, regroup, reevaluate where things are, and go from there.

Do NOT hesitate to ask for help from the Pastoral Care staff, and Palliative Care team. These people can help in ways you couldn't even imagine.

(((and strength to you, your sister, and BIL)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, June 28th (Saturday)

My beloved bro in law passed away yesterday evening.
He was 58 years old.
We had the family meeting with the doctors in the morning and they said there was no hope for a meaningful recovery. My sister was between my mom and I, holding on to us. She asked that he be removed from active care which would be his wish. 4 hours later the feeding tube and ventilator were removed. He was given morphine.

My sister and I stayed with him and played a chant that he loved that means 'I honor the divinity within' , we mediated with him. At one point my sister suddenly felt exhausted and we took a break. When we were getting tea from the cafeteria, he passed.

We came back and sang to him one last time, and went home with a booklet on what to do next.

He was a beautiful man and he had a successful life as a full human being who was kind and loving to his wife and all those he met.

There is a big hole in our hearts today. But he had a serene death and he is free of all the troubles of his body now.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, June 28th (Saturday)

I am so sorry for your loss.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2715 | Registered: Jan 2010
HeartStings
Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, June 28th (Saturday)

(((InnerLight,sis,mom)))

It is obvious your BIL was a beautiful man. He waited to cross over until your sister had the support of you and your mom.

What a peaceful death. Blessings to all of you.


Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, June 28th (Saturday)

Sending you all massive hugs today.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17560 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, June 28th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Posts: 35933 | Registered: Mar 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, June 28th (Saturday)

(((IL)))

I'm so sorry for the loss you and your family must endure.


Posts: 11754 | Registered: Mar 2008
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, June 28th (Saturday)

I am sorry for your loss. He sounds like a wonderful person who left the world a better place.

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
yewtree
Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, June 28th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry for your loss, and hope you an all find comfort that he made it home, and was able to enjoy his trip to Russia.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4694 | Registered: Oct 2007
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, June 28th (Saturday)

Strength and prayers


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2999 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, June 28th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry IL. I'm glad you were there at the end.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20292 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Cally60
Member
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, June 28th (Saturday)

I'm so sorry, InnerLight. :-( But I'm really grateful that your brother-in-law made it home, so that you were able to see him again and your sister had your support, and that of other family members, as he passed away.

Posts: 2117 | Registered: Mar 2009
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, June 28th (Saturday)

((((IL))))

So sorry to hear this, but so glad you're able to be there for your sister and she didn't have to go through this alone, in Moscow.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4209 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, June 29th (Sunday)

((IL))

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like BIL was a wonderful man. I'm so glad you could be there for your sister as she made such a difficult decision. Your positive energy can't help but be a comfort to those around.

Lots of love and good thoughts for all of you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, June 30th (Monday)

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am sending you strength, and courage to support your sister during this difficult time.

How wonderful that she was able to follow through on his wishes, and she was able to have the support of her family there for her.

((( and strength )))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8722 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, June 30th (Monday)

(((((Innerlight, sister, family))))) I am so very sorry, honey. You all have been and continue to be in my thoughts.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, June 30th (Monday)

So very sorry for your loss. What you wrote here was such a loving tribute.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, June 30th (Monday)

((((IL))))

I'm so sorry. What a hard time for your family. It is obvious he will be dearly dearly missed.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
InnerLight
Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, June 30th (Monday)

Thank you everyone for your kind and tender thoughts.

There are so many blessings packaged with this tragedy. We are missing our dear one, and grateful for all the love show to my sister and my family.

I made the 4 hour drive from my sister's to my home this afternoon and made up a silly song about how my BIL is free and at peace, the way you can sing stuff in the car and you don't care if you are out of tune and the words are repetitive. It felt good to remember that he no longer has to suffer with the many layers of his illness. The medications he had to take were very harsh with many uncomfortable side effects including diabetes that led to more and more medications. He no longer has to put up with this.

I am going to get back to focusing on my work as best I can this week. At least there are only 3 days left til the holiday weekend.

Blessings to all of you and your loved ones.
Feeling grateful amidst the loss...


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5863 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Pentup
Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, July 1st (Tuesday)

I believe your BIL held on until he could get your sister back to her family for support. What a gift and testimony to his spirit.
(((IL and family))))


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Topic Posts: 87