Topic: Mixed emotions tubal ligation
Member # 32122
| Posted: 12:43 PM, June 16th (Monday)|
Hi. I wanted to ask if anyone had mixed emotions after having a tubal ligation (or for the guys, a vasectomy)?
Wh and I talked in length about not having anymore children after the twins. He offered to have a vasectomy but since we knew I was having a c-section I said I would have a tubal ligation instead.
Now just a week since the twins were born I am having mixed emotions about it.
I got a call from a public health nurse a few days after I came home. It's normal for them to call and do a check on how you're doing. She asked if I was feeling weepy and yes I am. First the financial issues are still there, it's beyond difficult to leave my babies every day (even though I know they are where they need to be) and wh going back to work this week because the parental leave wont pay enough for him to take any time off is upsetting (along with other work issues...).
Then a few days ago I got this overwhelming feeling of being empty and it hit me that I'll never experience being pregnant again. Not that we would try for more kids but still, it's just weird how it seems to bother me now.
Losing the baby belly was weird too. I lost 10lbs after surgery, then another 10 this first week home. I didn't gain at all with the twins. Infact I lost 8lbs. I wouldn't be heading to the beach in a bikini but I am a lot thinner. As uncomfortable as I was I guess I miss being pregnant.
Did anyone else experience feelings like this?
Posts: 3117 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
Member # 13333
| Posted: 1:18 PM, June 16th (Monday)|
I think this is pretty normal *after the baby* feelings. Our bodies/hormones go through a lot! Feeling empty? Yep - you no longer have 2 people living inside you to carry around. Combine that with the fact that you don't have your babies home with you, and of course you feel *empty*.
Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses
Posts: 6567 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
Member # 26928
| Posted: 1:18 PM, June 16th (Monday)|
In my case, no.
I'd had a miscarriage before DD21 and another between DD21 and DS18. I was at an age and stage that I knew I did not want more children. XWH had a vasectomy while I was pregnant with DS18 and I had a tubal a day or two after delivery.
For me it was freeing. My kids are now adults and I just turned 42. H (who does not want kids of his own) and I are young enough to go enjoy life (travel, etc) and not have to worry about little ones or school schedules or the additional financial strain of more kiddos.
I love babies, but I'm very happy to cuddle other people's little ones, then hand 'em back.
My guess is that the stress of the twins being in the hospital, post-partum hormones, and just everything all at once have your emotions all up in the air. Be kind to yourself.
((( Dragn )))
Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs
I edit often for clarity.
Posts: 6540 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 23375
| Posted: 1:19 PM, June 16th (Monday)|
I signed in at work just to reply to you
My twins will be 17 in August, but I remember some things like it was yesterday.
I had my tubes tied right after they were delivered, while they were fixing everything up after my C-section.
DD, had to stay in the hospital for about a week after she was born, DS got to come home with me.
Besides the fact that I had 2 different staph infections and a torn rotator cuff, I cried all the time.
It was hormones. PPD on steroids. Can you talk to your OB/Gyn?
I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair
Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.
It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.
Posts: 5447 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
Member # 43399
| Posted: 1:24 PM, June 16th (Monday)|
WH and I have always said that DS3 would be our last child. WH is planning on getting a vasectomy but hasn't yet because he would need to take off from work for a few days to heal. I'm really struggling with this. I know emotionally and financially we can not handle anymore but it makes me incredibly sad.
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14
Posts: 105 | Registered: May 2014
Member # 30314
| Posted: 1:56 PM, June 16th (Monday)|
I cried on the delivery table with our 4th - DS age 22 now, because I knew he'd be our last. We simply couldn't afford anymore. I hated being pregnant but I loved babies. But, we had to do right by the kids we did have, not just keep having them.
his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
Posts: 5281 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 15046
| Posted: 2:02 PM, June 16th (Monday)|
My husband is the one that had the vasectomy (after my third, his first). He had it 10 months after our youngest was born.
I took me until recently - 2.5 years after he was born and 1.5 years after the vasectomy - to actually be totally ok with not having another one.
Yes at the time I knew intellectually that it was the best decision, especially as I faced health problems with that pregnancy and :ahem: I am not getting any younger....but it took my heart a while to catch up.
I used to joke newborns made my uterus twinge. I can honestly say that NOW I don't feel that way. I've become one of those people that will play with the baby and then gladly hand it back the second it stinks or fusses!
Sooooooooo, yeah: the (long-winded) point is feel those feelings, they are valid, but know this too shall pass.
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009
Posts: 742 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
Member # 25560
| Posted: 3:05 PM, June 16th (Monday)|
Absolutely. My H had a vasectomy after DS#2. I made him wait until final vaccines. I longed for a daughter, but knew we really didn't have the resources to give three kids what we could give two. Besides, chances were good I'd have another boy, nothing wrong with that, but two kids was the best choice for us.
It's normal to feel weepy, you've been through a lot, don't have your babies 24/7. This too, shall pass.
Enjoy the beautiful children you have. It will be okay!
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!
Posts: 3669 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
Member # 38928
| Posted: 8:37 PM, June 16th (Monday)|
I made the decision to have my tubes tied after a fourth pregnancy scare about a year after DD17 was born. The "thought" that I might have been pregnant again literally terrified me so I knew I was done having babies and just wanted to raise the three I had. My OB actually would not do the procedure unless he was convinced I would not regret it since I was still in my child bearing years. He made me look him in the eyes and convince him I was truly done. I looked him in the eyes and said, "I have been changing diapers for eight years straight (my son was late in potty training and overlapped with the birth of youngest DD) and I am done. The thought of doing it for even longer with another baby is as appealing to me as sticking hot pokers in my eyes." He laughed and said, "Well, you convinced me and I can't argue with that!" Procedure was done shortly thereafter and I have not regretted it for one moment! In fact, it was one of the best decisions I ever made!
BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
Posts: 1198 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 18222
| Posted: 9:04 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
I had my tubes tied a long time ago, it wasn't immediately after a pregnancy though, so I don't think I had as bad of hormone swings at the time. The only time I've ever been anything but thrilled is the once in a great while I wish my new H and I could have one of our own. But then, my kids clean their room, and make their own snacks, and run out the door, and I'm glad I'm done with babies.
My x had a vasectomy, and he did have a hard time accepting he wouldn't be having more kids. I don't know if he ever came to terms with it or not.
Me-29,Two boys, 10 and 9
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end
Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.
Posts: 4491 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Indiana
Member # 25376
| Posted: 9:11 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
I had 3 children and decided to have a tubal ligation. No regrets, ever. I loved being pregnant, loved breastfeeding, and loved being a mommy, but enough was enough. I also have strong feelings about population control and dwindling world resources and didn't want to contribute more to those problems.
Posts: 305 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
Member # 21101
| Posted: 9:13 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
I understand what you are saying, but no I never felt that way.
My H had a vasectomy, and that was the plan all along two kids, and done. Being a nurse, and knowing all the things that can go wrong, and having two normal, healthy babies made me very blessed, I didn't want to push my luck or tempt statistics.
Now I can remember the Gyno being all weird about doing the ablation on me at 30, he was very concerned because I was so young, and didn't want me to give up my chance to have more (he had 5 kids himself), but I said no. No worries I am done. We had a similar discussion when I needed to have the hysterectomy.
I'm still young by most standards, 43, and my kids are close to launching. I think it's great that before I'm 50 they will be adults, and I have hopefully another 20 good years to have fun without always playing the role of mom.
Anyway, I hope those dragons are doing well, and eating and growing. Trust that it's going to be good, and now you can focus more of your attention to your nestlings that you have.
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy
Posts: 8717 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 15300
| Posted: 9:22 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
I had my tubes tied after my second child. No tears, no regrets. I loved my babes but knew I didn't want more.
Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
Posts: 7285 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Member # 6850
| Posted: 9:56 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
I also had my tubes tied a year after my second child was born. I was 30 yrs old at the time, but knew that I didn't want any more children.
I enjoyed the freedom of not having to be on birth control pills any more! Knowing that you can't get pregnant somehow frees something in your life!!
I had to have a hysterectomy at age 32. The OB/Gyn tried to talk me out of it and going back on the pill to regulate things and stop me feeling like I was going to bleed to death every month. I told him I was happy with the family I had and was not planning on any more children no matter what! He even tried the "What if something happens to one of your children?" routine....but I knew it was the right thing for me.
The overwhelming desire to have kids is something so strong in many women, that is why we can't understand women who don't want any children....but when enough is enough I feel it's time to stop and enjoy the kids you have and give them the best life possible....HUGS
You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith
Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
Member # 22870
| Posted: 10:13 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
I had my tubes tied when I was 30-ish because I knew that I never wanted to have whx's children, and I never thought we'd be divorced.
Now, I wish I had divorced him sooner and found a man that I knew could be the husband and father that I deserve to have in my life. A different sort of regret.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 7772 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 36883
| Posted: 2:09 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
Yes and no.
I love my children for sure, I just know that while I love them as little kids, the long term aspect of having more the 2 is not the right choice for us or any potential kids.
its been over 3 years now since my tubal and I will get a 'damn I am never going to have a wee little one' when i see little kids.
The other thing that scares the crap out of me is that if i were to lose one of my kids...that's it. No more.
DH and I have discussed adoption/fostering, but right now, we are not in a position to do it.
Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit
Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 38597
| Posted: 2:26 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
I have my moments of regret, but then my head clears and I know deep down that I just can't afford more kids and it was for the best.
I got it done because I fall into baby fever pretty easily! I didn't want to end up with 4+ kids and no means of taking care of them!
DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"I am pretty sure enforcing the boundary is the most important part of the boundary"- Jerry Seinfeld
Posts: 771 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 36134
| Posted: 3:12 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
I've been pregnant 7 times with 3 live births resulting in 4 daughters. I had a tubal after my last pregnancy.
I was weepy, the thought of closing down the baby bake oven bothered me. Even though I knew it was the best thing for me and my family. It took time to come to terms with it. Would I do it again- yes. I mourned the idea of a future pregnancy. I wanted to end my childbearing years holding a baby. I did and for that I'm grateful.
It took my heart a little longer to reach the place my head was at. It was the best decision for us.
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Posts: 5279 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 38207
| Posted: 7:02 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)|
I knew before I was pregnant with #3 that I wanted to be done after that. I didn't have my tubes tied, but I did have a permanent procedure called Essure done. I knew I knew I knew I was done having kids and I still felt a little of that sadness leading up to and in the days after the procedure. I was 3 months post partum when I had it done. I can only imagine what the added hormones would have done if I had done it right after delivery. Hugs to you!
Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 32122
| Posted: 9:13 AM, June 18th (Wednesday)|
Thank you everyone for the reponces!!!
Sorry I haven't replied. Been busy.
Stressed to the max. I had left my hospital tag at my parents. Drive over to pick it up and the brakes on my truck failed. Nearly rammed into the garage. Joy...
Posts: 3117 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
Member # 12145
| Posted: 11:55 AM, June 18th (Wednesday)|
I had it done 32 years ago this month. My one and only child was about a week away from being 1 (I was 23 and single) NO I do NOT regret it, never did. I never really planned on having kids, so it was and easy choice for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my son and I'm glad he is here... He was a good surprise!
I ♥ my Husband!!!
Posts: 2287 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Our happy place
Member # 32122
| Posted: 12:22 PM, June 18th (Wednesday)|
I got back from the feeding a little while ago. Turns out the twins might be home by Friday
We have to bring in their car seats tonight for the seat test, both are being moved to cots this afternoon but already their incubators temps have been turned down so they have to maintain their temps, their feeding tubes are out and they are on their 48 hours of oral feeds test.
Can we say wow!!! I am excited and terrified at the same time.
Posts: 3117 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
|Topic Posts: 22|| |