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User Topic: My brother - long & pointless
TrustedHer
Member
Member # 23328
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)

I am the youngest of 3 widely-spaced children. My brother is 12 years older than I am.

We grew up separately, for the most part. I heard stories that he took care of me when I was very young, but I have no memories. He went off to college when I started first grade. He graduated college before I finished grade school. He moved away and started a career.

Our dad died when I was 14, and he moved back to the farm, and managed our Mom's affairs. I was a busy high schooler, and we didn't interact much.

He was in the grips of clinical depression all of his life, and I was unaware of that. It was his "normal", and how I knew him.

I got married during college, and after graduation moved home to a separate house. He had moved out of the farm for his privacy at this time. And maybe to get distance from our "eccentric" mother.

We got close then, spent hours talking about ideas, moved to another state and bought land and an apartment house together. It was a good time.

One thing about my brother was that he was never without a woman in his life. Most of them were crazy, but he had several long-term relationships.

I moved back to the area we were raised in. He remained in the other state. We drifted and spoke mostly on holidays and his birthday.

Then our mother died. My brother was named Executor of the estate in the Will. He was hopeless. The only good thing was his common-law wife, Carol, who was mostly sane. She was starting to get a handle on his paperwork, and there was some hope he would get moving on the estate.

Carol died. All progress stopped.

I went out to help him a few months later.

During that time, we hired someone from a temp agency to help make sense of his office. "B" wasn't there very long before she moved into his house, and became a fixture in his life.

I convinced him to resign as Executor, and I was named Administrator. Eventually, I got the estate wrapped up.

We visited my sister together about 10 years ago, and talked on the phone some, but only rarely.

The last 3 or 4 years, we haven't talked at all. I call him and leave messages on his answering machine on Christmas and his birthday (which was yesterday).

Never an answering call.

Besides the emotional aspects of this, I also have business interests with him that need to be addressed.

I feel like he's so detached that he could die, and I wouldn't know.

I don't know if it's just him, or if "B" is adding to the isolation. And I have no way of knowing.

This is one more aspect of my life over which I have no control. This Fall or Winter, when the appeal of my divorce settlement is complete, I hope I will have the practical and emotional bandwidth to pursue this.

I miss him.


Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Posts: 5201 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)

Sorry that you've lost contact with your brother. Sending some SI mojo to kick him in the parts to return your call.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 53014 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)

Are you doing anything to maintain connection, or has his failure to connect made you quit? (No answer required.)

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:59 AM, June 17th (Tuesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10580 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)

(((TrustedHer))))

I'm so sorry. I'm sure he misses you too. I wish he could reach out and connect.

Life isn't easy, is it? But you are doing your best. Hopefully you can mend the fences...but don't let the drifting apart all be on your shoulders either, as it is a big burden to carry.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)

((((TH)))) I hope all is well with your brother, and he makes contact with you soon.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26198 | Registered: Aug 2011
yewtree
Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, June 17th (Tuesday)

Have you considered showing up on his doorstep?


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4707 | Registered: Oct 2007
Guinness23
Member
Member # 42852
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, June 18th (Wednesday)

Take care of yourself. There's a great future out there. It won't come to you; you have to go to it.

Your answer is in your quote, my friend.

I am a girl. You know better than I what kind of roadblocks men put up with their emotions. Get rid of them and go be the bigger man to address this.

My brother - long & pointless

Quit excusing the importance of this. It IS important to YOU. That is all that counts, right?


Me 47
ExH 43
Divorced 2010

47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.

What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that

My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23


Posts: 687 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 7