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time2grow
Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

With what little time I have I would normally be living over in F&G. Sadly though, I've had something jolt my life and I've been isolating for the last 12 days because of it. My brother committed suicide.

Finding myself very short with others lately so I do not know how much responding Iíll be doing. I am though searching for any suggestions on how to work my way through this shit should have anyone else been here. Thanks,


Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

No suggestions, but I'm so sorry for your loss.

((Time))


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
fireproof
Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

I am sorry. Take care of yourself and if you need to find support through your grief.

Posts: 1003 | Registered: Jul 2012
sad12008
Member
Member # 18179
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

(((time2grow))). I'm so very sorry. I know it's a uniquely awful kind of loss. I think one of the events that most profoundly impacted my life was the suicide of a very fun "honorary uncle" when I was a child. It seemed to be a grieving cycle of sadness, anger, guilt, again & again.

I hope someone comes along whose situation more closely parallels yours and is more contemporary; however, I'd recommend IC if it's possible. Sometimes there are support groups for survivors of suicide...your local paper may have a listing of support groups (ours does once a week). Check here, too: https://www.afsp.org/coping-with-suicide-loss/find-support/find-a-support-group

Journaling and/or writing letters to your brother may be cathartic.

Just know you're not alone and also that a determined person will find a way, so if you have any feelings of guilt, try to let them go.

Wishing you peace in this time of tumult and grief.


You can't fill a cup with no bottom.

Posts: 3890 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

(((time)))

I am so sorry for your loss. Keeping you in my thoughts.


Posts: 35788 | Registered: Mar 2011
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

(((time2grow)))
I lost a BIL that way. It is so senseless. It devastated the entire family. He had children.

I'm so sorry for your loss.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
movingforward777
Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

((time2grow)) I'm so sorry for your loss. It is overwhelming and hard to try and understand why...unfortunately most times we don't know the answer to that question.
At this point I'm sure your family is reeling and trying to sort a lot of things out. Take your time, cry, share stories and remember him with the people that knew and loved him.
It may be a bit early for a grief support group, but perhaps in a while you could look into a peer driven support group. They usually have someone who facilitates it, but the bulk of the conversation comes from the participants of the group. They are usually a group of people who have suffered a loss through death, maybe even a suicide survivors group.
Suicide can be a tough one to understand. Unless there was a long standing history of mental illness or previous attempts it usually catches us off guard and is devestating for a while. Give yourself time to grieve. Perhaps start a journal. It can be as simple as writing down memories of your brother, but can also include the things you are feeling/experiencing since his death. It is a private, safe place to "unload" those feelings and unless you choose to share it with someone only yours to see. It helps to "get it out"...Perhaps a counselor would be of help to you...if there is someone you have built a relationship with in the past that you feel comfortable talking to....it helps if they have some "grief support" experience.
At this time just go with the flow and give yourself a break.....HUGS


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

(((time))) I'm so sorry.

Posts: 11742 | Registered: Mar 2008
woundedby2
Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

(((time2grow))) I'm so sorry. What a devastating loss.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7823 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
karmahappens
Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

I am so sorry.

I cannot begin to imagine the mix of emotions and pain you are feeling.

Please take care of yourself.


ďAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossomĒ
AnaÔs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3844 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)

Oh, honey. I'm so very sorry. (((((time2grow))))) Do you have someone you can talk with IRL? A therapist or a trusted friend? I understand the self-isolation. It's something I tend toward in times of great stress, too. I worry that given the enormity of your loss, it might be tempting to keep the world at bay.

You reaching out here is good. We're here for you in whatever way you need us to be.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25687 | Registered: Aug 2011
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry. I second your finding a Survivors of Suicide group. You could try your local 211.org (it may still be known as Information & Referral Services in your area). They should have a listing if there is one nearby. A good friend of mine runs such a group in Tucson, AZ. She's helped a lot of people.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20272 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Chrysalis123
Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

Oh no, I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here for you for any reason.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2701 | Registered: Jan 2010
Bluebird26
Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

I am sorry for your loss. ((T2G))


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1358 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
BrokenButTrying
Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

So sorry for your loss (((time2grow)))


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

Hi time2grow. I have already sent you a pm.

I'm very sorry for your loss. My brother also committed suicide. Almost 20 years ago. It was the day after my 21st birthday. Still remember it like it was yesterday. My brother was a very kind, gentle soul. There were many reasons why my brother killed himself. He had excessively bad allergies and asthma which prevented him from doing many things, he suffered abuse from my mother, obviously he was depressed, and a controversial incident happened at school which pushed him over the edge. He was 17 and had it with life. Due to the controversial incident at school, we got to watch it all unfold in the local media (1994 no internet thank God). We had NBC, ABC, and CBS news looking for our story but we never gave it to them. My life has never been the same.

If you feel up to it, and absolutely don't feel you have to, no pressure here, let us know the type of person your brother was. Sometimes it helps to talk about it so we don't end up isolating ourselves so much. Isolating ourselves is a natural reaction to such a traumatic event. However, in isolating ourselves, we end up downward spiraling ourselves.

At one point, roughly 6 weeks after my brother's suicide, I found myself sitting on my bedroom floor. I ended up in a very dark place myself. Some of that came from isolating myself. I previously had been suicidal myself and now, to this day, was left with a tremendous amount of survivors guilt that I still have yet to deal with. It's something I'm absolutely terrified to face. While sitting on my bedroom floor I made the conscious decision that I was going to be alright. I was surrounded by drugs and had easy access to anything I wanted. I thought to myself, I could go that route, or I could be ok. I choose the later. I actually said out loud "I'm going to be ok." I want you to say it too. Out loud.

"I'm going to be ok".

It may help. Even if just for a second.

I will be thinking of you. I'm leaving for vacation with the family today but I will most certainly be around if you want to chat.

I'm very truly sorry for your loss.

yop

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 5:45 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2179 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
NaiveAgain
Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:12 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

was left with a tremendous amount of survivors guilt that I still have yet to deal with.
That is horrible to deal with, and the guilt that comes from feeling that we could have/should have done something to stop it. Don't fall into that trap, because there is nothing you could have done - when someone is ready to commit suicide, they are going to do it and there is nothing that we could have done. I hope you aren't dealing with that but I know my other BIL and his family were all feeling that it was their fault and they should have seen it coming (they couldn't have).

Also, the anger can be scary. Can you find a counselor to help you deal with the emotions from this?


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:35 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

(((((time2grow)))))

I am so very sorry for your loss. Know that we are here to lend an ear and provide support. You and your family are in my thoughts.


Posts: 7471 | Registered: Dec 2010
Kodi
Member
Member # 16237
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

(((time2grow)))

Posts: 1349 | Registered: Sep 2007
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

Oh, (((t2g))) I am so very sorry. The loss of a brother is like none other. I am so, so sorry for your pain. And for his. Much love to you and those who love him.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8828 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

(((t2g))) I'm so sorry.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13787 | Registered: Jul 2011
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

(((t2g)))

Be kind to yourself. Grieve.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10336 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
DixieD
Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

(((time2grow)))


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

How are you doing time2grow?

[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 3:31 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)]


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2179 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
cass
Member
Member # 24261
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

So very sorry for your loss.

(((time)))


DDay - April 2008
Me - 54 and doing great. Found myself again and loving life
Him - who??

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)

Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!


Posts: 4965 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
latebloomer45
Member
Member # 18021
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

One of my cousins committed suicide this past Mother's Day. So I know a tiny bit how you feel.

Have no words of wisdom not already expressed. Just a cyber hug.


Me: BS 52
Him: FWS 54
Married 28 years
Son-22 Daughter-19,
D-Day #1 12/11/2007
D-Day #2 5/23/2008 fucking trickle truth!
Whatever Threnody said, I concur.


Posts: 2093 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Chicago suburbs
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

I'm so sorry. I hope you're OK, time2grow.

Posts: 1727 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
time2grow
Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

sad12008 - I looked at the site, thank-you.

movingforward777 -

history of mental illness?
Not with him or his family. With my own biological family, boat load of it and I burnt those bridges many years back. I was the foster kid. When he and I went threw our divorces together 5-6 years ago we became best of friends and have been since. (or I thought)

nowiknow23 -

Do you have someone you can talk with IRL?
Not for this.

yearsofpain25 -

let us know the type of person your brother was.
Our last 15 years were identical in so many ways. Great paying jobs. Positions were eliminated about the same time. Divorced together but for different reasons. He had a college degree, Iím still working on mine. We both left the Great Lakes and came to Joplin to help clean up after the tornado. He moved two hours south and I stayed. Both of us still volunteered our time to helping others no matter where we were. Now that I read this, it is a list of accomplishments and not who he was. Fuck . . . Iím avoiding. . . . This is going to take some time.

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
cinnamongurl
Member
Member # 37879
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

No words t2g! I am so very sorry for your loss!


Me: 36 fWGF He: 35 BBF and my heart
Together 18 yrs. Many ddays, last one late 8/12 "Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." Tori Amos



Posts: 511 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: home with my heart.
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

Be kind to yourself time2grow. This is a whole new type of pain that's near impossible to work through sometimes. And accomplishments can say a lot about someone's character. You've painted a good picture. Sounds like he was intelligent, kind, caring, and very giving. Those characteristics make him a very special person.

I'm also originally from the "original mistake on the lake". I swear there is something in the water there.

Seems like I've had a number if discussions regarding suicide around here lately. A lot of deep pain going around. Sounds like your brother falls into the type where it wasn't a cry for help. Please know that it's not your fault and there's nothing you could have done. I know, easier said than done. I should really take my own advice sometime. But it's true. If it was a cry for help he would still be here right now.

Try talking to someone IRL or in a support group if you can. You can always continue to keep posting here to vent and let us know how you're doing. I'm always around if you need to too. Honestly I'm a little worried that you may be isolating yourself and don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want you to end up where I am not being able to deal 20 years later.

I'll check back again later. Let us know how you are doing. Thinking of you.

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2179 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, June 26th (Thursday)

I'm so sorry.

(((t2g)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - FranÁois-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17764 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
caregiver9000
Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, June 26th (Thursday)

((((t2g))))

There aren't any words...

Emotional pain is unlike any other. The things that cause it are horrible and unfair and in many ways unimaginable unless you have "been there, done that." I am sorry you are in such pain now. And trying to imagine his pain that led to such a decision.

Be kind to yourself, please. Remember the stages of grief. And when you are ready, you'll get back to F&G.

you have my deepest sympathy.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
movingforward777
Member
Member # 6850
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, June 26th (Thursday)

Fuck . . . Iím avoiding. . . . This is going to take some time.

You couldn't speak words with more truth to them...it is going to take some time. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. It will come and go and catch you off guard, but every one of us does it a little differently. There is no "right" way unless you are allowing it to stop your own life from happening.

Your brother sounds like an intelligent, caring person who for some reason (that you will probably never really know) chose to end his life. As harsh as that sounds it is the reality of it. HE made this choice and carried through. It does leave everyone else wondering "why didn't I see it coming?" but HE didn't want you to.

Take care of yourself...eat, sleep, avoid alcohol/drugs to compensate, and when you are ready find someone with some experience in suicide to talk to. Most general counselors are great for general things, but suicide needs someone who has some experience dealing with the survivors.
Keep coming back to your SI "family"...there are so many caring, loving people here who have a wealth of experience in many things...it is a good place to "unload" and gain some support....HUGS


You can't reach for anything new if your hands are still full of yesterday's junk.......Louise Smith

Posts: 4845 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Ontario
time2grow
Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, June 26th (Thursday)

movingforward777 -
Take care of yourself...eat, sleep, avoid alcohol/drugs to compensate
As I mentioned in a forgoing post, ďI was the foster kid.Ē Alcohol destroyed my biological home. After my young, dumb and I donít give a crap teen years I realized I was heading down the same path as them. I made the decision to not have any drugs or alcohol in my life. It is not an option for me today. There are times when life sucks, this being one, but I enjoy having clear thoughts. I donít always like or want my feelings but they are mine and I own them, not run from them (Iíve been running lately and Iíve had enough).

counselors
I mean no offence to any that are here but Iím lmao. They have this thing of meeting others where they are at. I know where Iím at, what I want is to think, be challenged and grow. I want a little sandpaper in my life. Meeting me where Iím at is a waste of my time.

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, June 27th (Friday)

((t2g))

its going to take time. of course you're avoiding...you can only process so much at once.

i'm so terribly sorry for your loss.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

ďMany of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.Ē -foulton oursler


Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:26 AM, June 27th (Friday)

How are you doing t2g? Still thinking about you...


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2179 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
time2grow
Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, July 2nd (Wednesday)

yearsofpain25 -
How are you doing t2g?
Today is one of those days where I canít help but feel I am surrounded by blooming idiots. Many have suggested to me that I would benifit talking to someone who has been in the same situation as myself. So just to get people off my back I started looking and making calls. Online, f2f, etc.

I finally got directed to an organization in town that is to have a suicide survivors support group. I called and the office manager answered. I said my name, my brother took his life 3 weeks ago and I am looking for a suicide survivors support group. She responded, ďI am the office manager. I can answer your questions.Ē I said no, I want to talk to someone who has experienced the same thing. She was starting up again with being the OM so I hung up the phone. Not even 20 minutes later I am getting phone calls, 2 of them, from the local police department wanting to know if I intend to kill myself.

The old battle axe heard what she wanted to and NOT what I said. I never said that, I never eluded to it. I am surrounded by blooming idiots.


Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
yearsofpain25
Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

Yikes t2g. Sounds like the OM was probably just following protocol and giving canned responses. But there lies the problem right? A canned response.

Very sorry. I have never called one of those numbers myself so not sure what to expect from them. But I am happy to see you reach out. Any thoughts about reaching out again? I know you said counselors didn't work out for you, but surely something should.

Our environments may be different, but I have been in your situation as far as your brother committing suicide. I'm worried about you isolating yourself. I certainly tried to do that but I had a friend who came from a rough background himself and wouldn't let retreat. Do you have any friends IRL that could at least get you out?

yop


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2179 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

I'm so very sorry.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6804 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
FindMyselfAgain
Member
Member # 36969
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

(t2g)

My heart goes out to you. I can relate on some level to the pain, confusion, fear, guilt, etc. that must be hitting you.

My suicide experience was my best friend. I was 15 years old. All these emotions plagued me for years. I never properly grieved...until very recently. I am still grieving her loss. But for over 20...yes, TWENTY, years....I isolated myself, I convinced myself I was unworthy of friendship...after all, my best friend killed herself; I was obviously not a very good friend.

The only real advice I can offer (as I am still figuring out my own grieving process) is this: Find a way that feels right to you to honor the bond you shared with him. Share (in whatever fashion suits you) who he was as a person, what he taught you about yourself, ways that you supported and loved one another...pick what's important to you to remember. And honor him as you see fit. Allow yourself to feel everything that you feel. And as you sit with those feelings see if there are some you need to let go of. Find ways to release them. And hold tightly to the ones that bring you peace.

I'm going to bump a post I made as part of my honoring/grieving process. To give an example of a way I found some peace...though I will warn you, it's pretty raw, the feelings are real, and as you are well aware this process is painful.

(t2g) Reaching out here was a good step. Opening up is so hard. You are doing fine. Keep going. We're here.


DDay: October 7, 2011
R finally started in earnest: April 2014

Posts: 202 | Registered: Sep 2012
truthsetmefree
Member
Member # 7168
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

As I mentioned in a forgoing post, ďI was the foster kid.Ē Alcohol destroyed my biological home. After my young, dumb and I donít give a crap teen years I realized I was heading down the same path as them. I made the decision to not have any drugs or alcohol in my life.

I mean no offence to any that are here but Iím lmao. They have this thing of meeting others where they are at. I know where Iím at, what I want is to think, be challenged and grow. I want a little sandpaper in my life. Meeting me where Iím at is a waste of my time.


I'm going to be presumptuous with my response, t2g. None of this may fit and I may fall squarely in the category of blooming idiots. If so, just disregard.

I highly suspect your normal coping skills are not going to serve you well as you find your path through this whole process. They may get you through the day but that doesn't mean that they are going to move you forward. Yes, some things we can overcome...they actually push us forward (ie, biological family & drugs). But some things actually hold us in place until we see/acknowledge what we are to learn/how we are to grow. It's here that we see the things that we can see no other way - where we do our soul work.

Losing your brother as such is not just a loss - requiring the navigation of the acceptance process of grief turning to fond memories. Because of the nature of both the likely before issues and now the resulting after issues, there's now many more elements to the acceptance process - most of which are going to involve very conflicting emotions. Not just toward him but also toward yourself. This is not something that you just rise above. This is one of those things that holds you down.

You need a counselor.

This is a dark process.

A good counselor won't forge the path and encourage you to follow. A good counselor will simply hold your lantern - so that you can find your own way.

Please find one. This is too much to do alone. I, personally, don't think a support group is going to be a good fit for you just yet.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have no doubt that your brother was not all of any one thing so I can absolutely understand how confusing all of this has to be.


Posts: 7682 | Registered: May 2005
TrulyReconciled
Member
Member # 3031
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

(((time2grow)))


"In a time of deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act."

Posts: 21264 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Hell and back, way back :o)
time2grow
Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

yearsofpain25 -
Any thoughts about reaching out again?
After this experience, I have no intentions of looking again.

friends IRL.
I have some that I've been spending more time with. Yes, I am getting out more. Donít always like it but Iím doing it.

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
time2grow
Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

truthsetmefree - Nice bait, Iíll bite this time.
I highly suspect your normal coping skills are not going to serve you well as you find your path through this whole process.
Iíll be finding some that I can learn to live without. Replacing them is when I need to look at others experience. What worked for them and what am I being led to do. I have run into this a few times over the years, just because I think itís right doesnít always mean it is nor is it always best. For me its a good idea to find someone with a similar experience and talk to them.

some things actually hold us in place until we see/acknowledge what we are to learn/how we are to grow. It's here that we see the things that we can see no other way - where we do our soul work.
When the pain is great enough, I become willing. In my willingness, I learn to accept. In my acceptance, I am humbled and have a better understanding of true love and unselfishness.

This is a dark process.
Yes it is.

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

I mean no offence to any that are here but Iím lmao. They have this thing of meeting others where they are at. I know where Iím at, what I want is to think, be challenged and grow. I want a little sandpaper in my life. Meeting me where Iím at is a waste of my time.
I understand. I switched ICs last year because mine wasn't challenging me enough. I needed a higher "grit" than she was giving me, and I ended up with diamond grit.

That said, I know counseling isn't for everyone. Not trying to push you to that if it isn't something you would do.

Seems like the peer support model (what I consider SI to be) is something you're more open to. There are online communities for survivors of suicide as well as in-person ones. Not pushing - just throwing it out there.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25687 | Registered: Aug 2011
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, July 5th (Saturday)

I am so sorry for your loss. ((((T2g)))))

This kind of loss is traumatic. Be kind to yourself.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Topic Posts: 46