Wayward Side
User Topic: What your thought just needing a check
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

So lately I have been having these weird thoughts ideas feeling.

I am okay, I am proud of myself and I like myself and I accept myself.

I want to shout it. I want to share it, Its like this energy inside of me saying its okay, LIVE!

My depression, times of self pity, my triggers, my feelings of self doubt, shame, anger. I know where its coming from and I know what to do.

I think I am actually trusting myself, I think I am finding my voice, my grounding.

Am I proud of the things I have done, No. I am ashamed for those things in my life. The realization is, I can't change it. It is. Its part of me, and I embrace that, I know why that part of me did what I did, I know the negative and I know the positive side. WEird yes , the human mind is insane really.

I get it. Do I wish it had been different, yes.

I just at this moment and time have a sense of peace, in all the craziness that is going around me. I realized I guess, I am not going to old coping, as soon as I feel them I change them. I am aware of my self. And it makes me cry with loveand acceptance.

I don't remember ever feeling this way.

Thank you for listening.

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6

Posts: 437 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

Well done Joan, this is fantastic.

Savour it, take pride and joy in your inner peace. Know that you got here with hard, hard work.

You deserve this, I'm really happy for you!

Me - 27
Him - 27

My Ddays - Jan 2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.

Posts: 1261 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)

That is great. You deserve to feel proud. You are going through so much, and doing it the right way is an achievement.

Me: WH (40s)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 736 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)


Thanks for sharing this.

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1252 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
New Member
Member # 43712
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, June 26th (Thursday)

Joanh, this is good to hear. Have you forgiven yourself? If so, what does that mean to you? I'm struggling with that piece. I wonder if it even matters to get forgiveness from anyone except the BS.

WH 6 mo EA/4 mo PA 2012-2013

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jun 2014
Member # 43711
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, June 26th (Thursday)

Fighting what I call the demons is the to7ghest part. I keep reminding myself I am making changes for the better. I look at how my choices have changed me and others around me and I don't like it. I need to get back to a place of self acceptance. Keep fighting the good fight.

Posts: 56 | Registered: Jun 2014
Member # 29972
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, June 26th (Thursday)


I am smiling. So happy you are tasting some fruits of your very conscious and considerable efforts. You be brain rewiring! And it's working!

Breathe it in. Remember this feeling. Proceed with valor and conviction.

Proud of you.

Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
Member # 39146
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, June 26th (Thursday)

Thanks all, Now to hold onto this :-)

Embarking on a new life it feels like. I so appreciate and grateful for everything I have and for my Husband and my family, I can only hope some day, I show and fill my my husband will this love and life I feel for him , our children and myself.

We both have paid and are paying still a huge heartache. I hope I can help continue to ease that pain .

Thank you all my SI's for your 2x4 and the support. BS and WS you all have been so helpful. You have kept me strait and helped me look deeper, Thank you. I can only hope I can do what you have done for me , for others.

BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6

Posts: 437 | Registered: Apr 2013
New Member
Member # 43517
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, June 26th (Thursday)

Thank you for sharing! This gives me hope. One day I hope to reach this level of forgiveness, self love & acceptance.

Me: WW 31
Him: BH 34
DDay 5/23/14, 4 month EA/PA
Married 8 years Together 11
3 Beautiful Kiddos under 7

Posts: 43 | Registered: May 2014
Topic Posts: 9