User Topic: MC and IC ?
Member # 43122
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, June 26th (Thursday)

For those of you in MC and IC, should these be different people?

Working on R in MC and I'm feeling like I'm not really making progress on a lot of fronts dealing with things so I was going to do some IC. Thus, I was curious what others do. Should I find a seperate counselor to see independently, or just schedule time independently with our MC. I can see pros and cons of both.

Appreciate your input

BS me 41
WW 42
Married 11 years
R for now I guess
DD 9 & DS 8
DDay 2 (PA) - March 3rd, 2014
DDay 1 (EA) - July 2nd, 2011

Posts: 103 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, June 26th (Thursday)

We used the same IC, but our MC was different. I think the traditional school of thought is they should all be different, but this worked for us - and probably because our IC was really good, no bullshit kind of therapist.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, June 26th (Thursday)

We each had our own IC no MC
we are both in check in mode now....
I think we need to check's been a few months

3 adult children 1D 2S
LTA 09-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, June 26th (Thursday)

It takes a very highly skilled C to serve multiple roles for a couple and the individual partners.

To be effective as an MC the person has to be viewed as being on both partners' sides - the client is the M. To be effective as an IC the C is on the individual's side.

The potential for conflicts of interest are innumerable, and a conflict can really screw up an M and/or a person.

If you have any question about the effectiveness of a C, it's better to use that C in only one role.

JMO, of course.

We use the same person as MC and IC for each of us, though....

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10352 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 4