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Reconciliation
User Topic: Rough week last week...
brokensmile322
Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

My WH and I had a rough week last week. TBH, we've had a rough couple of weeks.

After our MC asked me if "I remember what it was like to trust WH" and told me "I can have that again, if I want.", I just feel ganged up on.

He was basically saying that my WH has done everything and almost implying that I could 'choose' to trust again.

I realize that at some point we all make a choice to trust, but my WH has lost patience with me. I am not sure if he was ever remorseful or just doing what was asked of him. I don't know if he ever got it or just went through the emotions.

Our problem is that we disagree on what actually happened or was happening. I have what I believe to be truth and WH has what he says is the actual truth.

He is frustrated. He says he can no longer try to convince me of things I hold as fact that are just not true. He is mentally exhausted. This is not a polygraph type of thing as it has to do with feelings about the OW or what was going on in my WH's head at the time.

I am frustrated as well and don't know why I can't accept what he says. And I think this is what the MC was getting at with meI need to accept what my WH says is the truth about what he was feeling.

This past week was the first time that I looked at him and thought that we are really done. We are still at it for the kids. Hostility is gone on my part. I feel nothing. I can't be intimate with him anymore and I am not sure why. It has been a few weeks for us which is unusual. When I think about being together sexually, I feel it is not authentic so I do not want to.

I don't know what is going on with me. I am also starting to look at him and I don't like certain things about him that I did before. I find myself thinking 'ewww' or 'ugh' when he does them. I am so conflicted. I am just over year 2.

Is this normal?

And if I want R, is the MC right? Do I need to make the choice to accept what my WH says and move forward?


(MC basically said that if I don't, we will keep on this merry go round until one of tires enough and our M will end.)


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1497 | Registered: Jun 2012
mbbd
Member
Member # 41828
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

I can relate to your post. The end of this month is the 2 year mark and there is also a significant change in me toward my H. Too often to ignore, I wonder if I am doing the right thing trying so hard to reconcile. I once felt that my H was the most handsome man alive and now I view him as ugly at times. His personal idiosyncrasies are now annoying to me and his efforts to R, although sincere, are just not enough. I had a private session with my MC to discuss all of this and it was therapeutic to allow myself to change gears to putting my needs first. He told me that I have challenges because this situation is a trauma and it is a response to that trauma to protect myself. And yes, my life will not be the same again because of it.

The trust thing is big isn't it? How do you trust someone who could betray you? I wish there was a magical switch but alas, there is not. In my case, I am making a choice to try to trust. That's the best I can manage. I am working on it only because my H tries daily to reassure me that his A is a regret he will live with for the rest of his life.


Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2013
tfkeel
Member
Member # 19517
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

Unfortunately, MCs have a goal, to keep the marriage "together" and create "reconciliation".
This is unfortunate because in so doing, they sometimes fail to do what is best for THE PEOPLE.

He was basically saying that my WH has done everything and almost implying that I could 'choose' to trust again.

Well, yes, you can "choose" anything you want. However, for you to "choose" to trust, in spite of the facts that you know, would be foolish.

Dr. Phil rightly says "the most accurate predictor of a person's future behavior is their relevant past behavior".

And, you do not see anything which makes you believe that his behavior has changed.

I have what I believe to be truth and WH has what he says is the actual truth.

When I think about being together sexually, I feel it is not authentic so I do not want to.

Make no mistake about it.
What you believe is what your body and psyche will act upon. "Actual truth" has no input.

Do I need to make the choice to accept what my WH says and move forward?

Trust your instincts. God gave them to you.

As to the R, I don't think the choice lies in "trust" in your husband. I think your trust has to be placed in God, that no matter what happens in your marriage, God will still be there for you and will remain 100% faithful to you.

After our MC asked me if "I remember what it was like to trust WH" and told me "I can have that again, if I want."

I think your MC is wrong. He may be sincerely wrong, but wrong nevertheless.

I don't think you can have "that" again. Your decision should not be based upon having "that", but upon having what you need for a successful marriage.

If you have what you need, then move forward. If you don't, then don't.


[This message edited by tfkeel at 8:10 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


Posts: 460 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Pennsylvania
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

What our MC taught me is that if the WS is doing the work and you are trying to R then you need to trust his behavior that he is showing now. If the WS is not doing the work then they don't get the trust. Its a hard thing to do


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1632 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

I can tell you that the trust thing did not work that way at all for me. So for me your MC is wrong.

It came more after consistent actions and healing on my end. I believe you have to have both.

I would be asking instead the need to believe differently than what your H has told you? Do you have proof that there is a discrepancy? Or is a gut thing? If it was true, would it be a dealbreaker?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4969 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

1 monnth out from MY 2 year antiversary....and I can relate to much of what you post brokensmile322.

I am also starting to look at him and I don't like certain things about him that I did before. I find myself thinking 'ewww' or 'ugh' when he does them. I am so conflicted.


Okay...I feel SIMILARLY, but not the eww or ugh. I don't feel repulsed by these NOW noticeable, repeatable patterns and choices made by my wife. Her lurking his FB page 3 weeks ago causes me pain.....but this is her pattern. To retract from the real relationship with me, with those around her....and escape through choices like this.


After our MC asked me if "I remember what it was like to trust WH" and told me "I can have that again, if I want.", I just feel ganged up on.


Okay....here is the thing. I remember those days when I trusted my wife. But what IC has helped me see clearly is "those days" also were filled with MY "intimacy limiting" (if not fully destructive) choices. By that I mean in "those days" I would choose to turn a blind eye to the reality of the situation.

"those days" had me seeing my wife choose to "lurk" outside of our M. But instead of seeing it as the threat it was to our M, I choose to "logic it away". I would think to myself "well, when BOTH girls are in school we will reconnect" and "once her business is up and fully running we will have time to interact" and "why would I ask for more, we are having regular sex and don't argue".


So "those days" in which I DID "trust" my wife are filled with days of me NOT trusting myself. I didn't trust myself to be honest with myself.

F CoD tendencies.


brokensmile322...you are one of my original brat pack members. I value you as a SI friend and you have nudged me over the past 2 years. I want to return the favor.

Trust is a choice.


Actions AFTER that choice is made do two things. They either build trust or they destroy trust.

But trust first and foremost is a choice.

That thought of "we are really done"?

Pretty common I think. From what I have seen on SI and what I have read.....the 2 year mark sees a spike in BS filing for D. Not sure of the reason but it appears to be a widely held theory.

And if I want R, is the MC right? Do I need to make the choice to accept what my WH says and move forward?


Okay....acceptance and choosing to trust are two very different, very unique actions. BOTH are necessary, but are not the same thing. Related but not the same thing. KWIM?


I have had to accept the following key parts of;

wow.....the list of what I have had to accept was way too long to list out. Rest assured there is some pretty unsavory things I have had to accept in order to move through them. Unsavory things about my wife and her choices revolving around her A for sure...but also had to accept many unsavory choices I have made too.


I am choosing to trust I CAN stomach what needs to be accepted.

This is new to me. My FOO issues had me, for 30 years, NOT trusting myself to accept parts of me.

The whole CSA thing is something I am STILL wrestling with accepting. I know it happened, have had a therapist gasp and put her hand over her mouth as I told her what happened....and here I am today, still wondering if it "was all that bad". yet when I put any other child in my place.....IT IS THAT DAMN BAD!!!

I know you are a reader too.


Please get and read "Healing is a Choice" by Steve Arterburn. It very clearly helped me do what you are wrestling with. And hopefully you know by know I am STILL wrestling with what you are....so I am not fixed. This book very simply offers the guidelines on how to repeatedly choose to heal.

You both remain on my SI specific prayer list.

God has been THE biggest factor behind change in me.

God is with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3763 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

Brokensmile322...I see you struggling like I am. We want some assurance that the person who hurt us more deeply then we thought we could stand and still live through that it won't happen again.

The fact is....it could happen again.

I see you searching for all of the clues you missed in your pre-A M....clues that would have protected you from this pain had you "just seen them". I see you finding some clues....some of which directly tie back to YOUR CHOICES on how to do M. We are similar in this regard....and think it a pretty common occurrence for most BS 2 years out. You might even be tempted to D and find another "clean slate" to "do M right" with knowing what you NOW know about how to choose healthier. I am right there with you.

Just tripple check the process by which you evaluate your choices.

to that end...I want to address head on Dr. Phils quote...and challenge something that is assumed to be a healthy way to live.

Dr. Phil rightly says "the most accurate predictor of a person's future behavior is their relevant past behavior".


I disagree with this concept.

If you applied this to every one on SI....D would be chosen by many BS's because the relevant past behavior would indicate that "my spouse is a cheater!!!". The relevant behavior of my wife during the summer and fall of 2012 would have almost exclusively my wife selfishly choosing her A over just about everything else....her job, her M, her kids, her friendships. 5 months of affair-driven choices. So when does "relevant past" start? After DD, how many WS continue to choose wayward actions....white knuckle rather than dig deeper? Retrouvaille weekend presenters each talked about the process the wayward had to go through to move away from being able to choose adultery to process life. At what point in time do you say "starting now"? When does a WS start the clock on the BS with regards to the BS's "relevant behavior"?

Dr. Phils theory is also to close to a self-fullfilling destructive pattern....self-limiting. It subscribes to the theory I am who my past says I am.

You have been on this journey long enough to know it is a process....change can occur. You are no where close to the person you were 6 months ago....way different than you were 2 years ago. How long where you the person you were in your pre-A M? For me, I was a similar person for most of my married life....its just been since DD that I actually started to heal and mature parts of me I need to heal and mature....so chronological time has little to do with change.

Your masks have been destroyed and you are revealing your authentic self more and more. Mr. brokensmile322 may try to reach for his masks now and again...but you have seen the person under those masks. Your "relevant past behavior" is constantly in flux since DD....don't use that as a "predicting model" lest you are happy and content with who you are NOW.

The issue I take with Dr. Phil is who defines "relevant past behavior"?

If it is left up to the BS....ANY behavior in their spouse that smells of wayward behavior will influence the BS to move towards the "once a cheater always a cheater" thought.

If it is left up to the WS....ANY of their behavior that is indicitive of being vulnerable and open and turning towards their BS will influence the WS to declare victory! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.


In those sitches....when the BS gets just a wiff of a wayward action in their spouse a BS would use Dr. Phil suggestion and pounce on the wayward, the wayward feels double condemned (because they KNOW they just screwed up) and ....resentment in the WS is the result.

On the flip side, when the wayward DOES become more vulnerable and open and turns towards their spouse but declares MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! A wayward would use Dr. Phils suggestion is that they all fixed...but the painful consequences of the affair is still within the BS....resentment in the BS is the result because, while they recognize the WS is doing better, the pain of what they did do is still alive.


"Predictions" don't sit well with me to begin with. I work in "predictive models" every day at work. Marriage is not strictly a physical, scientific model we are working with. Marriages are not a work plan that has easily defined return on investments...there are emotional and spiritual battles going on. These elude Dr. Phils simplisitic theory.

The present is the healthiest way to guage what your next step is....not what the future at large is....just the next step.

My wife chose to lurk OM FB page. My next step was to inform her that caused me renewed pain. She then had to use that expression from me to her to choose her next step.


As a BS I am tempted to keep track of all of the pain my wife causes me...and forget the comforting "chocolate covered pretzels she made for me when I had a tough day at work" times.

I get that Dr. Phil thinks we should be very analytical about this...that I should be able to keep track of the factual good "chocolate pretzel" choices as easily as I do of the "lurking OM" choices.....but the emotional and spiritual pain of adultery limits this effectiveness. I, for one, can not be objective in the midst of the pain this journey causes me.

NOTE: This is why relationship friendly fellowship is so important. Lord help me if my go-to guys would rally behind every selfish feeling I express to them! I need them to help me stay grounded when my emotions run high.

MC help in this....but they are only present for 1 hour a week.

I am doing better with God's help...but I am not in a lab working with chemicals. This is real life with real pain and real emotions.


I know this is a soap box but this idea of using your past as a "predicitive model" for your future behavior is not correct. I used this in my pre-A M and it hurt way more than it helped.

Our past does not define us. It forms us and molds us and offers us wisdom if we choose to accept it....but we have today to USE that wisdome from our past experiences to make new choices TODAY. To become the person we want to become and NOT be defined by the person we were yesterday.


When a group of guys told me that "blakesteele, you are the life of this party....this race weekend wouldn't be the same without your enthusiasm!" I took it as a compliment mostly....but there was a part of me that got programmed to think "Well, I AM the life of the party....I better BE the life of the party". It caused me to move away from being authentic and to grab yet another mask to wear.


Just be very cautious about what you project and predict. Assumptions are always a part of models because in models there are usually gaps-in-data (facts). Never more so then in relationship modeling, where feelings F with facts constantly.

I was guilty of using feelings as facts in my pre-A M.

My wife absolutely used feelings as facts to choose adultery.


Feelings are indicators...not dictators.

Right now you are feeling strong feelings. The strength of a feeling does not changee the fact that they are NOT FACTS.

Peace.

I have 30 years of destructive patterns.

"predictively" I am who I am.

This is a very limiting way of living.

You owe it to yourself, brokensmile322, to be your authentic self. Your husband needs to find the courage to do the same thing. This is God's directive for us too.....so this is not a "its all about me" moment. It is bigger than that....far less selfish.

It is less selfish because as you find the courage to be authentic, you will become vulnerable. You will feel more pain...and not just pain from your husband. You will feel pain from your own choices.


I know.....I have that pain today.

God is with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:10 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3763 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
brokensmile322
Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

I would be asking instead the need to believe differently than what your H has told you? Do you have proof that there is a discrepancy? Or is a gut thing? If it was true, would it be a dealbreaker?

No, I have no proof. It is a feeling. It was really me looking at his actions and 'guessing' that he must have been thinking x,y,z. Why do I think that? Because then his actions would make sense to ME.

Also, I had an EA pre M (neither of us married or dating). And I think I may be projecting my feelings that were occurring with me at that time during my EA onto my H. Almost in a "This is how it happens" kind of way.

No, it would not be a deal breaker, but it would make it make sense to me.

My IC has tried to tell me that my WH is much more logical. He wouldn't and couldn't view it or experience it the same way I would have done it.

The strength of a feeling does not changee the fact that they are NOT FACTS.

This stuck out to me. I have the 'feeling' that it should have happened the way I think it did. Writing this out, it sounds so silly but it really is a stumbling block for me.

And I think the MC is saying to me that my WH has shown me trustworthy actions. My being stuck on this issue is keeping me back, holding us back from healing. It is a circular argument. If I won't let it go, the argument will eventually drain us both until one of us gives up. I think he is saying that I have to trust that my WH's version is the truth as my WH knows it. I need to accept that. If I can accept that, he thinks we can move to the next step which is true healing; we could finally close this chapter, not forget it, but start to write the next one in our story.

[This message edited by brokensmile322 at 10:53 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)]


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1497 | Registered: Jun 2012
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

I have the 'feeling' that it should have happened the way I think it did. Writing this out, it sounds so silly but it really is a stumbling block for me.

This brought tears to my eyes. I sooooo did this. And to realize it was NOT as I had assumed and projected.....it hurt.

"Adultery is crazy making shit!" was the therapists response to me at this time.

Adultery is illogical. My analytical mind could not grasp this. I have had to un-wall parts of my heart to accept some of this...and that is a painful and scary thing to do! But it is so liberating!

Pain does NOT equal unhealthy.

Far too long I did not understand the relationship between pain and growth.

Peace, my friend. I know where you are at.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3763 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, July 3rd (Thursday)

((brokensmile))

my WH has lost patience with me.

really? At two years out? Does he understand the magnitude of what he's done? At two years out from my affair my husband was acting out his pain like crazy!

Trust has never been a choice for me either. If you're holding back, there is a reason. Sure it may be you but it also may be something different. Trusting someone when I didn't feel I could makes my gut churn and I'm not sure the reason matters.

I don't think the place you're at right now is all that abnormal. You're in year three. Done with survival year, done with anger year, now able to really look at it year. Sit there for a while. Process and read. It maybe be time for both of us to look at our abandonment issues and see how that is impacting our recovery. Are you in IC as well?

hugs!!


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's


Posts: 5060 | Registered: Dec 2010
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

(((brokensmile)))

Our MC had to point out to me also that my ideas of what I assumed would have happened was not my H's truth. My H had an almost four year LTA, all the while feeling happily married and thinking I was amazing (and obviously taking me wildly for granted). So, right there that is hard to understand. But then he did not feel any romantic feelings for the OW; initially considered her a "friend" who he enjoyed mentoring, and why not fuck her too if she wanted him too? Again, not something that I could even fathom. For almost two years after Dday, he calmly and consistently corrects me any time I use words like "exciting", "fun", "passionate" etc. Nope, not the way he felt. The most he will say is a "moderately diverting stress release" at it's best, toxic and uncomfortable mostly.

So intellectually and emotionally I can't understand it at all. Sure, I know now how broken my H was, and more importantly he does too. I have had to accept that his reality differs from anything that I could imagine.

Now, why the OW would accept what he was offering for years (crumbs) only goes to how broken she was as well. Their "relationship" doesn't deserve either the designation "relationhip" or "affair". My H feels the best description is "mutual fuckedupness".

Good luck to you.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

The whole "2 years out" thing? I know your journey.....R did not start 2 years ago...R was slow to take hold. False R was a part of your journey, just like my journey.

False R was because of several factors.....not the least of which were our spouses choices following DD combined with our ignorance of what true R really was (and how healthy we needed to get BEFORE it was offered).

Choices.

So many choices.

Your spouse can choose now that he wants to D because he is frustrated. My wife can choose to D because of the feelings she continues to get as she lurks OM FB page.

We always have choices.


During true R....really tough choices must be made. True R is the narrow path...the one less folks choose to walk after adultery.

Keep going brokensmile322...you are on a healthy path.

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3763 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

Hey Catlover50...great to hear from you. Read your name on my prayer list last night and thought "havent seen much of her lately.".

Now, why the OW would accept what he was offering for years (crumbs) only goes to how broken she was as well.

It appears to me that the fantasy, the escape of affairs are just...crumbs. The lies and feelings make them appear to be full loaves of bread...but they are so devoid of truth and honesty they are as filling as eating crumbs.

You mention the severe case of taking their betrayed spouse for granted. This was us providing the loaf....enabling the wayward to be comfortably content while engaging in adultery.

Unfortunately...by my own choices after DD's...I was more than happy to keep nurishing my wife in ways that allowed her to THINK her affair was far more than it was.

Thats on me to own....and my IC work has focused on MY brokenness. Why I was so willing to settle for crumbs in my marriage pre-A.

CoD is a terribly destructive thing to engage in...regardless of if you are the CoD or the counter D part of that circle.

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3763 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

Hi blakesteele! I have not been on much lately; we are doing really well and have a lot going on. But I still check in once awhile and always think of you.

Best wishes to all!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
tired girl
Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

Broken smile

Why do you need to believe it was the same for him as for you? I know you say because then it would make sense but I believe there is a deeper reason.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4969 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Exhausted in OH
Member
Member # 34340
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, July 3rd (Thursday)

No, I have no proof. It is a feeling. It was really me looking at his actions and 'guessing' that he must have been thinking x,y,z. Why do I think that? Because then his actions would make sense to ME.

I can relate 100% with this. A part of my story that I've never really mentioned here , but is my biggest stumbling block, is a 3rd woman, "B". Long before DDay, I knew that something was wrong, that something had changed. It turns out that my gut was right, he had had a ONS with OW1. I never suspected it was her, but I did become very suspicious of and uncomfortable with his friendship with B (OW1 and B were both nurses in his OR). I focused all my attention on B for YEARS. He refused to distance himself. Good friends, work well together, blah blah. He got tired of my constant accusations, and began to downplay and hide their (supposedly innocent) working friendship. Flash forward to DDay - after being busted by me for OW2, he admits to OW1. Still doesn't think that it was wrong to have friendship with B. Continues to downplay and hide - so that I'm not upset. After all, he's not doing anything wrong with B. It took months of heartache for him to finally see that it didn't matter whether there was anything "wrong" with their friendship - it hurt me, and it needed to end. And it did . But almost 2 years later, and I'm still not sure I believe him. I convinced myself for sooooo long that there was more to the story, and I can't change my thought pattern. I believe him but I don't believe him. It's totally irrational and a huge stumbling block.
Any way, no real advice in that long treatise, but just letting you know that I hear ya.
((BS322))


BS 42(now 45), WH now 46
Married 15 (now 18!), together 22, 3 great kids - 15, 13, 10
DD Sept 2011 - 4mo PA; on DD also admitted to ONS in 2007
R going well
And now I realize...- Me OEA - old college friend
No longer exhausted nor in OH

Posts: 436 | Registered: Dec 2011
Topic Posts: 16