I really value the responses I rec'd so far. You have all said something really impt. Karmahappens, you have been a big support where this friend is concerned.
I just wanted to clarify what you already suspected karma...
I came up with the fact that I am now estranged with my girfriend of 25 years "because of him".
This is what I was mad about BUT...I realized it was NOT "real". I was able to recognize that my friend was and is not being fair. At first I wanted to hold onto this so-called reason to justify my shitty behaviour but knew that was wrong. Knew it was wrong bc her behaviour RIGHT NOW says more about her then his past PAST actions.
My H wrote her and her H a letter following D-Day. Not making excuses but apologzing for hurting me so much. He also asked to meet with her last year at this time so she could express her feelings. She cancelled. He has tried.
Being a friend of yours would allow her to see the growth and healing you have to go through to create a marriage that is what many hope for in life.
This is what I truly wanted her to see and not just read from my emails of the last 18 months or so. But she cannot get to this place and it is truly her loss. She has offered to be there for me when it comes to lonliness being away from home/missing friends, etc. But like hatemyhusbandwrote.....
This journey is tough enough wo having unsupportive people in your life. A true friend doesn't set conditions for friendship. It may not be a bad idea tht the foursome is broken up
life is too short and precious to waste time with someone who doesn't love you the way you deserve. Friendships are like marriages, they take work on both sides
very true devastated. And when I look back over the many summers and Christmases that I have visited over the last 9 years, it was always me initiating esp in the past four. Always me trying to accomodate her timeline, trying to get our kids together. I am her son's godmother and she is godmother to one of mine. I have never dropped that ball with her child. She has let some of my visits go by w/o seeing my kids. That really hurt.
Also, I can count at least 6 "BEST" friends she has dropped since I met her 25 years ago. I never thought I would be one of them but I should not be surprised. She recently told me of her "new best friend...well, you know not my best friend but someone I really like" and how similar they are and how they can just talk and agree. Whatever. It sounds totally boring to me.
We had a great time with my H's friend on the boat. This friend was an interesting guy and interested in me as a person, wife and mom.
Glad the post was helpful to you Zengirl. I felt I got to that place by being very intentional with my thoughts, feeling my feelings and moving on to do the right thing. I know I wont always get there but this time I did.