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Reconciliation
User Topic: not working
jupiter13
Member
Member # 40999
Default  Posted: 2:44 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)

I have never in my life felt so inadequate in bed than I do now. I have always been able to enjoy and even get off on oral as well. This is no longer true. I can understand that giving oral to him is something that makes me trigger into feelings of total rejection and it is not always enjoyable anymore. When it is my idea it will usually go well but when he pushes for it feelings of rejection consume me. I understand that in July and August before D Day (Aug. 31, 2011) he rejected me every time I offered. So it seems a natural trigger that I would end up feeling this way. Then again he very rarely reciprocates and I am getting resentful.
As for the sex I always end up feeling like I am not good enough, pretty enough, exciting enough and otherwise just a receptacle. Especially when he ends up going to sleep right afterwards. He tells me Iím beautiful at times and I never take it very well I just donít believe him. He tells me he loves me and I donít believe him. He does nothing for my ego. I feel like I am the perfect candidate for having an affair of my own. Will I ever get past this? Anyone one else feel these feelings and end up wide awake crying after you have been with your WH?

Posts: 51 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Modesto
Chinadoll30
Member
Member # 43131
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Have you had a talk with him about it? I remember reading somewhere that men are biologically programmed to fall asleep after sex. But maybe if you told him how it made you feel he would be more likely to try?


"We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means 'I survived'." -Chris Cleave

Posts: 337 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Philadelphia
tl502
Member
Member # 42607
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)

It took an a, and the subsequent fear that I might leave him for my h to understand that improving our sex life depended on him putting my sexual needs before his. I also began to see that my h didn't listen to me unless I was very direct about my needs. He now know, because I've spelled it out to him that my continued interest in sex depends on my gettimg affection throughout the day, time to relax and snuggle beforehand, and definitely his not just falling asleep afterward.
What it comes down to, is that a happy folfilling sex life depends on both partners working to meet each others needs. That way it can be enjoyable to both.


Married 30 yrs.
dd1 9/10/2011 ea/pa
DD2 3/25/2013 same ow, never stopped email and phone contact.
Putting the past behind us and moving forward together

Posts: 361 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: tl502
tfkeel
Member
Member # 19517
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)

I'm the male counterpart but I share some of the same feelings of inadequacy.

But it's strange that your feelings are fueled by
him "pushing" for sex and, in me, they're fueled by
avoidance of sex, "pity" sex, and "duty" sex.

The same feelings result from diametrically opposite actions on the part of our spouses.

And, sex is like Sominex to me, it results in quickly going to sleep. Even when I was young. This is an involuntary reaction of my body, not something I intend to do.



Posts: 582 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 4