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User Topic: Update, back in psych hosp
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Sorry to all the folks needing support, have been offline again for more than a month.

25 May, went voluntarily to psych hosp for a planned 'rest' as things were getting over the top at home. 2 days later was granted a home visit. A few hours later shit hits fan and I just NEED TO CALM DOWN.

So I took a lorazepam/ativan (1 mg). Then another. and another. stopped a 23. (I didn't even know I had that many lying around.) WH takes me back to the psych hosp, who then send me to the reg hosp for the od. Next day back in locked ward at the psych hosp for, well, it's been 6 weeks so far.

They took away anything I could used to hurt myself - like computer charger. Well, my computer will only work a few more minutes without charger, so bye-bye computer and SI, hello haloperidol and (ironically) lorazepam.

I have graduated to the unlocked ward, have had a few home visits (but still sedated, so not much inclination to do anything but lie around), and am looking for ward to going home for good in another week or so. Am off the sedation and back to my 'regular' meds (effexor and seroquel). Feeling mostly pretty good/normal. On a home visit now to watch the holland-argentina semi.

I hope I will little by little be back - both here and irl.

In the mean time, big group hug to all of you suffering out there. Been there, doing that.

((((SI))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)

I''m glad you''re getting the help you need. I remember my stay in the psych ward as being the hard reboot I needed to get my life back on track. Please take care.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1929 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
deena04
Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Thoughts and hope to you. I hope to see you up and feeling a bit better soon.


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
I want out!

Posts: 975 | Registered: Dec 2013
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Take care of yourself, DMW. We're here for YOU right now.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17332 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Thanks for the kind words.

Pass: hard reboot - yep, that's what it feels like. Why couldn't I learn better the first time

This time, I am beginning to feel like I'm 'getting it'. Starting to feel more like myself. Hope it sticks better.


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Why couldn''t I learn better the first time

I think there is a limit to how much recovery we can do at one time. I''m sure you did/learned some important stuff the first time around, and you''ll do the same this time.

For me, the aftercare has been most important. I was there in February 2012, and I''m still seeing a shrink once a week. While the hard reboot was vital, this weekly maintenance is huge as well. Will you have some good aftercare set up?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1929 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
soccermom9
Member
Member # 43805
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Hang in there! Together we will all make it thru these hard times!


Me: 44
WH: 43
Dday: 6-20-14
He admitted to drunken sex at massage parlor!
Attempting reconciliation

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Kentucky
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

As for aftercare, I will continue with my regular shrink 1-2 times per week. In addition, my (imminent) release certificate will be conditional on attending a day hospital for a few weeks to a month. Defining the exact parameters of that is still pending, but it will probably be something like hospital-organized individual and group activities for a half-day 2-4 times per week.

So there is substantial aftercare. I didn't have the day hospital component after my previous hospitalization.

Thanks again for the support, you guys are the greatest!!


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

(((((DeadMumWalking))))) x1000 more hugs. So glad you are alive and taking care of you.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2196 | Registered: Oct 2012
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

So there is substantial aftercare. I didn''t have the day hospital component after my previous hospitalization.

I''m so glad to hear that! It could make all the difference this time.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1929 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

((((DMW)))) Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8690 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

((DMW)). Happy to hear your doing better.!!!


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5039 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Kajem
Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. It sounds like things are coming together for your aftercare.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5090 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Glad you are getting help. You get to be the person to see your sons become men. Plz continue with aftercare , it helped me a lot.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2126 | Registered: Jan 2012
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

I''m glad that you got help. (((hugs))) It''s good to hear from you again!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4804 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

Please take care of yourself. (((DMW)))

Your boys need their Mum -- today and always.

I hope you continue to heal and feel better. One day at a time.


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 679 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
selkiescot
Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

Take care of yourself! Saying lots of prayers for your peace and strength,


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
WinterBranch
Member
Member # 42671
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

Dear DMW,

I am sorry for your pain, but am so happy you got help.

I hope you get everything you need. After that, I hope you get what you want as well.

This pain...it's not for the faint of heart, is it? You are a true warrior, and I honor you.

Onward and upward! And I hope you feel better every single day.

Much love,
WB


Me: Woman. In. Pain.
Him: Skittle-Sucking Toad and Con-Man.

Posts: 140 | Registered: Mar 2014
mychild
Member
Member # 40186
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

Wow. Have you always been on edge or is this because of your husband's emotional affair? If it's because you can't handle your husband's emotional affair and you deal with it with trying to commit suicide - no I won't step around the fact that you did try to kill yourself - I suggest you get out of this marriage.

Your husband has a long term emotional affair and seems to work a lot and you are in the psych ward again and yet no words about how your 3 teens are doing.

I grew up with an emotionally unstable mother who was depressed and not there for me because she was so depressed and a father who was physically there but again not emotionally. My mother finally killed herself with food - on death cert - obesity. I was neglected during my childhood which includes teenage years because of my parents obsession with the self. I didn't understand that I married a man who would then disregard me also.

I feel so sorry for your teens. I hope someone cares about them.

[This message edited by mychild at 7:11 PM, July 10th (Thursday)]


Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

That''s pretty harsh, Mychild. Just because DMW didn''t mention the kids in her post, it doesn''t mean they''re not on her mind. It means they weren''t part of the topic of the post.

Depression does a real job on your priorities. You know that your kids are still important to you, but the illness can convince you that you''re so worthless they''d be better off without you. That''s what gives depressed parents the ability to kill themselves. It truly is horrible. I was there, and it just made sense to me at the time.

I understand that you were on the other end of this, and it was its own kind of hell. I don''t want you to think I''m belittling your pain. However, please don''t pass judgement on a person who is in her hour of greatest need. She feels enough unjustified guilt and poor self esteem.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1929 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
mychild
Member
Member # 40186
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)

You know, I really apologize and I totally jumped the gun here.

I believe I was wrong.

I don't trust psych hospitals also. But now, truth be told, after thinking about what I wrote, regretting what I wrote, maybe I need one?? Maybe we all need to check in once in a while.

I have this idea of them doing bad stuff I guess.

I also worry about the children and how our actions affect them, because all of our words and actions affect them greatly. Sometimes we become so consumed with our grief that we think it is all consuming and that others should just deal with it. Well, they shouldn't and we should get better help and better medications and try to calm down = for not only ourselves but for the children. They will be so affected that it will last their entire life times and then they may have to go to tons of therapy because mom or dad just couldn't deal.

So yes, I apologize profusely. I have felt awful since writing my post. And again, maybe I need to visit a facility. I know my anxiety is over the top also.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 21