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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: finally done
HurtingandLost
Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Been a long time since I've been on here, tried 4 years of bs reconciliation, moved again, and again, and not one thing with her changed. Called her on it and she flipped out full bpd episode; next day started argument and I threw it on her that she hasn't done shit in 4 years to get help or make changes. Next day she says I threw the past in her face she wants a divorce. Next day I brought her prefilled out paperwork and now she's pissed. Told her get over it and start looking for a place. On one hand I feel like I wasted four more years on the other hand I'm relieved. Maybe she's right, I must just be an asshole. And at this point, proud of it.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 11:05 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
nekorb
Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry.

You're not an asshole. Four years is a long time. You tried. it wasn't wasted time, it was time spent trying. Now you know.

Now she can deal with it.

Isn't it ironic that she said she wanted a D, so you provided the means for that to occur, and now she's pissed?

Yeah. You're in a no win situation dude.

Watch out for yourself and yourself, only. (unless you have kids...)

[This message edited by nekorb at 11:13 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
HurtingandLost
Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, July 9th (Wednesday)

Three kids 8,7,5 in this marriage two more from previous 16 and 11. I once was broken but now I'm fixed (neutered). And trust me I'm thinking about all of them every move I make every day. They're the only reason I haven't gone off the deep end and to prison with some of the shit she's pulled.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
catperson
New Member
Member # 38441
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

Maybe the kids will benefit from a stable home with you half the time.

Posts: 14 | Registered: Feb 2013
Numb2014
Member
Member # 43919
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

I know the feeling. I wasted 4 years on R as well. Our daughter is 4 now and will be devastated. I should have ended it before she got used to the idea of mommy and daddy together.

(((hurtingandlost)))


BW-me (31)
WXH-him (30)
DD-4, DS-14
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

H&L - I'm sure it feels like you wasted four years, but now you know YOU gave it your all and you don't need to carry any guilt about ending it. Lots of us that ended up the D route talk about the moment when you just know you are D-O-N-E. Time to work on you and protect yourself and the kids, as best you can. Get your legal ducks in a row and round up your support system.

And, go Packers and Badgers! (I'm also in WI)


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5337 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
traicionada
Member
Member # 10310
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

You're not an asshole. You were giving your marriage a chance. It took me 2 years to muster the courage to file for D & there was never a chance to reconcile. XH was going on his 3rd or 4th live in girlfriend when he was served


Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...

Posts: 3353 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas
HurtingandLost
Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, July 10th (Thursday)

Thanks for the support folks been a rough week. And yes, GO PACKER's!


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
GetEvenInAZ
Member
Member # 30891
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, July 11th (Friday)

Here's another! Born & raised in GB!
What is it with us Cheeseheads and giving our unremorseful WWs so much of our life? Closing in on 4 yrs after most recent DDay and I still give him benefit of doubt....tho that may finally be done as of yesterday.


Me: BW (44)
now xH (44)
20 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, and up to 5 - make it 6 DDays

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: gilbert AZ
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 3:28 AM, July 11th (Friday)

You didn''t waste 4 years. She did. don''t direct that anger towards yourself, it''s her fault.

She wasted the gift of R, she wasted 4 years, she and her lack of actions are hurting you and your children. It''s all on her. Free yourself from self blame you did your best, and she didn''t.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1107 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 10