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User Topic: Now this is a great profile on O L D
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, July 12th (Saturday)

Thumbs up for this guy. Too bad he lives too far away. I think he put a lot of thought into it.


So here we are wandering the halls of <dating site>. We see the illusions, the black holes, and the occasional glimmer of one that might just be, but as it turns out, is not. Relationships need patience, understanding, communication, support and most assuredly a sense of love and being loved.

Many are focusing on activities, hobbies, and doing stuff as a measure of expressing what they seek and what they feel that they offer. I have had to accept that this is the lens through which many view as to what is important in someone they want to be with. My lens is different. Try as I might I find it hard to reconcile how finding a partner to move forward with in life, is something that is done without much thought to the things that I think are mission critical.

What might you ask is mission critical? For me, the person I seek must have learned from their history and experience and has done the self examination and growth that makes them feel that yes I know how to do a relationship and I want to engage again. While I understand that many of us emerge from relationships that weren't working with a desire to be like shadows of ourselves when we were younger. I can often sense what some of you are looking to make up for lost time about maybe the things you didn't get to do before which you sure as hell aren't going to give up now. Profiles that feature sometimes exclusively, a desire for a Pepsi commercial lifestyle, are the ones that I am talking about. You know folks that want to always be on the go, laughing, traveling, fine dining, not a care in the world but seeking bliss through entertaining activities.

Maybe there are some that truly are on the go, having fun, with lots of vacations, and do nothing but exciting things and are living the rock star lifestyle and just are here to find another hedonist to join the party. I am led to believe that by reading so many profiles, I just don't personally know anyone that lives like that for long.

Sometimes, in fact most times, couples are living their lives, which are full of other things, You know, responsibilities, work, taking care of things. And most of us do those things and seldom talk of them because they don't create a vision of excitement. But look around the world, and you see that is what most of us are doing day in and day out. In that reality, the search for an ideal partner takes on a different meaning. I doubt it is hard to enjoy the pleasure of someone's company while paragliding off the Eiffel tower to eat a croissant at a fav cafe'. Yet as I do that kind of thing rarely, I would rather find someone whose company I enjoy within the life that I spend most of my time in.

I enjoy fun and pleasurable things as much as anyone, but the true joy for me exists in the interconnectedness, interdependence and satisfaction that I imagine arises from being with the right person. The test is do I get her and does she get me? Are we both interesting and interested?

I am drawn to women that are not vanilla or particularly conventional. More Phoebe than Monica if you get my drift. My dream is the possibility of that thrilling personality that still remains rooted in the real world too. Yet the curse of too much drama is something that quite frankly has eaten me alive on occasion. Is there a balance out there that fits me, I wonder.

What do you get in return? Whipsaw smart, funny, perceptive, sensitive, fresh, a good listener, a better communicator, and perhaps at heart a good guy. I lay claim to integrity, truth, and to also being a bit of an enigma, and sometimes a bit moody, but always come around to be someone that you knew was worth waiting for.

Do you want to live in a commercial or have a real life that is actually better?


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17412 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
cayc
Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, July 12th (Saturday)

Really? It''s lyrical, I''ll grant you that.

But it says a lot about what he''s looking for and not so much about himself, it almost sounds a little jaded & judgmental to me. I wouldn''t respond to a profile like this because I wouldn''t be able to tell if we have anything in common & I would assume he''d look down on me.

Which just goes to show you that it takes all kinds to make the world go ''round and he''ll be a good fit for someone If you think it''s you FF, go ahead and message him, you never know!


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3106 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, July 12th (Saturday)

Yes, he does sound like he's been looking a bit too long and been burned by a party girl or two.

I did send him a note to say I identified with a lot of what he had to say, and we agreed the distance was too much.

Seems nice enough.

I get jaded looking at the "activity man" profiles, so I can relate... It's all very one-dimensional. (Really dude, kayaking, skiiing, whitewater rafting, fishing, sailing, motorbiking, hiking, spending every winter in Cabo?)

I got the sense that he wants to dig a little deeper and reveal himself IRL as opposed to advertising himself too much.

He gets points for using big words and having no typos...

[This message edited by FaithFool at 3:10 PM, July 12th (Saturday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17412 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
kernel
Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, July 12th (Saturday)

He gets points for using big words and having no typos...

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one turned off by poor writing.

I agree with you that he sounds a bit jaded, but I would also be interested enough to respond. Too bad on the distance thing, FF.

Ironically, edited to correct a typo!!!

[This message edited by kernel at 3:43 PM, July 12th (Saturday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5190 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Lonelygirl10
Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, July 12th (Saturday)

I also think he sounds jaded, and probably wouldn't message him. But it's a definite improvement over what I see in my area!


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1168 | Registered: Jul 2013
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, July 12th (Saturday)

Bear in mind we're talking the 55+ crowd here. We've been around the block a few times, so we're pre-jaded...


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17412 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
asurvivor
Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, July 12th (Saturday)

A whipsaw smart enigma who lays claim to integrity and truth? Really? Are you sure this guy isn't taking a writing seminar from the University of Phoenix online school of discursive writing.
This OLD thing sounds like a blast. Just kidding


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 572 | Registered: Jun 2011
risingfromashes
Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, July 12th (Saturday)

But FF what I really want to know is does he live near me?


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1638 | Registered: Mar 2004
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, July 12th (Saturday)


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17412 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, July 13th (Sunday)

No photo FF?!?!

I picture this guy in linen drawstring pants and Birkenstocks.

And long hair.

Maybe an earring.

I get why it's piqued your interest. But I do like picturing him in all his enigmatic glory.

(And definitely agree with a ton of what he says!)


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Jpapageorge
Member
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, July 13th (Sunday)

I picture this guy in linen drawstring pants and Birkenstocks.

And long hair.

Maybe an earring.


Sorry Norabird, I wear sweat shorts and tennis shoes most of the time.

You ladies are tough, good thing I used Spellcheck.


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1746 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
norabird
Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, July 13th (Sunday)

Don't ruin the mystery Jpapa!!!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4190 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 13th (Sunday)

It is different from the norm, and that's refreshing, in a way.

But it's so purple prose-y that it raises red flags for me. It feels manipulative to me.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8728 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Amazonia
Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, July 13th (Sunday)

Manipulative jumped out at me too. And entitled. Like he's entitled to intimacy and connection with someone without putting in the time that it actually takes to get to know someone. I would not be surprised if the future faking and emotional games were strong with this one.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, July 13th (Sunday)

He's six feet, bald, has a big goofy dog and a boat. Lists his occupation as "secret agent".

I would have met him just out of curiosity.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17412 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, July 13th (Sunday)

I'm intrigued too

and this:

Bear in mind we're talking the 55+ crowd here. We've been around the block a few times, so we're pre-jaded
made me


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, July 13th (Sunday)

Pre-jaded


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20227 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
UndecidedinMA
Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, July 14th (Monday)

All I can think - Dude, you are so full of yourself.

Oh & really Friends reference So he is looking for a vapid blonde who can't form a cohesive thought.

[This message edited by UndecidedinMA at 7:03 PM, July 14th (Monday)]


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
Lostly
Member
Member # 43953
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, July 14th (Monday)

Hahaha, I thought the friends reference was interesting too! Especially after saying he doesn't want a 'pepsi' lifestyle.....and yet, isn't that what 'friends' kinda is???!!

However, he sounds interesting though, and I probably would've responded. I would've asked him what his favorite physics theory is, or the artist he finds most inspiring, or come up with some crazy, off the wall question just for the sheer fun of it, seeing as he thinks outside the box and all!!

FaithFool, too bad about the distance, but friends are always good? If he sounds interesting to you (he sounds interesting to me, I like different) perhaps ask if he's interested in exchanging a few emails or phone conversations as friends seeing as you both have decided the distance makes dating difficult. At the very least you'll have a new friend, and sometimes those can turn into the best relationships. People can always move!! The worst that can happen is that he says 'no' to the offer of being a friend, and hey, if that happens, then he's missed out on a great opportunity of being friends with you!!

I have to say that I am finding OLD an equally entertaining and bizarre experience that overall the jury's still out on! Its nice to hear others experiences.


BW 48 - Multiple d-days
Divorced 2012 after 19 yrs
6 smart, beautiful, amazing kids Dd 19; Ds 17; Dd 15; Ds 13; Ds 11; Dd 10

Sometimes I hear my voice, and it's been here, silent all these years. I've been here, silent all these years.


Posts: 106 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Australia
UndecidedinMA
Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)

Oh the other thing I thought of when you said no pic - HE IS MARRIED!!


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)

No, he has photos. On his boat. Or his friend's boat. Or something. Not sure.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17412 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)

He sounds like one of the guys phmh dated (no offense, phmh-- you just have the best dating stories ever, and I admire you for your courage and tenacity in the scary world of dating)!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3607 | Registered: Oct 2011
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, July 16th (Wednesday)

Yeah, he mentions that he can have a fun date at Home Depot. Could turn out to be a Cheesy Nut Man.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17412 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Brandon808
Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, July 16th (Wednesday)

But it''s so purple prose-y that it raises red flags for me. It feels manipulative to me.

DING DING DING DING
Yes, that''s exactly what it is. If this were written as some article or blog post it would be entertaining and certainly worth the read. However, to post in his OLD profile comes off as trying sell himself with his jaded-yet-sincere tone.

It is well written. Please remember though to carefully craft what he wrote took time and purpose. This is not some extemporaneous musing on the challenges of OLD. It is part of his profile which is intended to draw attention and attract others. His "wit and wisdom" are the peacock''s plume of his online profile.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3872 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
ISPIFFD
Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, July 17th (Thursday)

Waaay too much like something my ex would write - very proud of his wordcrafting and ability to sound like a deep thinker. I'd run from this just based on my own experience, not necessarily because the guy warrants it. But he does sound awfully full of himself.


Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1857 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
better4me
Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, July 18th (Friday)

Cheesy Nut Man.
I miss that guy!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 26