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User Topic: Bad night
Imabrokenman
Member
Member # 43886
Stop  Posted: 7:51 PM, July 16th (Wednesday)

BW texted and asked if I could meet for dinner. Unfortunately, I had a dinner meeting and was unable to, but told her I would cancel to meet with her.

My heart leapt when she asked - I thought it was a really good sign.

I called her and she said she had some things to say in person, we could meet Thursday night and that no matter what, she would always care about me.

My heart sunk.

I said that it sounded like she has made a decision (about D or R) and she said she had. I know she wants to divorce.

This breaks my heart. I know I am making strides through IC, I know I am a better person than the person I was, I know I have a ways to go but I am well on my way. And the rug is suddenly pulled from under me.

My first priority has been changing myself. I need to be a better person. But it hurts so much knowing that I have ruined so much.

I want to regret working on myself first and not on reconciliation, but I know that would be counterproductive. It still hurts.

But I put myself in this position. I did this. I have to live with the ramifications.

It still sucks. I love my wife.


Me: WH (49)
Her: BW (48)
DDay 1: June 9, 2014
DDay 2: June 23, 2014
Married: 19 Years
No children

Currently living apart, unsure of reconciliation. In IC.


Posts: 69 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Richmond, VA
DrJekyll
Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, July 16th (Wednesday)

My heart goes out to you.

You have done the right thing, you have to work on yourself. You cannot "Fix" the M until you "Fix" you. After 18 years of M, I am sure that your BS loves you too. And is going to hurt badly if you D.

Be encouraged. Even in D. You can show her the new and improved you. You can be the best you. The safe you. Be amicable. Be loving and caring. Show her even through this process, the love that is inside you. And That you are not that monster anymore. You will have the real opportunity through D and afterward, to show her.

R is still possible after D.

I can understand that feeling of hope and then crash down into despair. Sending you strength and will pray for you tonight.

Make sure that you never give up on what is most important. And that is YOU. because with or without her you cannot be a safe partner without healing you.


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I d


Posts: 708 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
caspers1wish
Member
Member # 28720
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 16th (Wednesday)

I'm sorry this hurts so much. Please do not have regrets for working on yourself, it is a major part of reconciliation, however, it isn't the reason for it. Sometimes, infidelity is a deal breaker, as it should be. Keep working on you. You become a better person for you, for those who come into your life later, even for those you've hurt and become a part of your past. You will be ok.

Hugs and support.


Me - FWW (35)
Him - BH (34)
Kids - Ages 6, 8, 10
Married 13 years, together 18 years.
Last D-Day - November 2008

Posts: 778 | Registered: Jun 2010
Imabrokenman
Member
Member # 43886
Default  Posted: 4:10 AM, July 17th (Thursday)

Thank you SO MUCH for your support. I truly appreciate the kind words.


Me: WH (49)
Her: BW (48)
DDay 1: June 9, 2014
DDay 2: June 23, 2014
Married: 19 Years
No children

Currently living apart, unsure of reconciliation. In IC.


Posts: 69 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Richmond, VA
SelfishHusband
Member
Member # 43174
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 17th (Thursday)

Sorry to hear this as well.

As was said, you will be ok. We will all be ok. Because the alternative is *not* ok, and that is not an acceptable way to live out the rest of your life.

You can't change the past and the future will be what it will be. Hope for the best, expect the worst.
It's out of your hands now.

"You can't control an independent heart
Can't tear the one you love apart
Forever conditioned to believe that we can't live
We can't live here and be happy with less
So many riches, so many souls
Everything we see we want to possess

If you love somebody, set them free"


Me: FWH (39)
Her: BW (34)
DDay 1: March 2013 (EA/PA that *I* rugswept)
DDay 2: April 2014 (PA with double betrayal. OW was wife's friend)
Married: 13 Years
1 Handsome and Amazing Son (10)

Posts: 384 | Registered: Apr 2014
Imabrokenman
Member
Member # 43886
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, July 17th (Thursday)

I just received the divorce papers. The hits just keep on coming.

You can't change the past and the future will be what it will be. Hope for the best, expect the worst. It's out of your hands now.

Thanks for the kind and inspiring words. I will get through this somehow.


Me: WH (49)
Her: BW (48)
DDay 1: June 9, 2014
DDay 2: June 23, 2014
Married: 19 Years
No children

Currently living apart, unsure of reconciliation. In IC.


Posts: 69 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Richmond, VA
DrJekyll
Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, July 17th (Thursday)

Hang in there, Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Eating, drinking, sleeping .

Do you have IC coming up? Have you talked with an attorney?


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I d


Posts: 708 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
Imabrokenman
Member
Member # 43886
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 17th (Thursday)

I had a preliminary meeting last week with an attorney, just in case. I really didn't know this was coming so soon.

I am going to IC regularly, every week. My next appointment is Monday.

Now I'm torn - I want to contact her, but I am afraid of what to say, what not to comment on, worried that something will be held against me. The legal aspect of this is frustrating me completely.


Me: WH (49)
Her: BW (48)
DDay 1: June 9, 2014
DDay 2: June 23, 2014
Married: 19 Years
No children

Currently living apart, unsure of reconciliation. In IC.


Posts: 69 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Richmond, VA
DrJekyll
Member
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, July 17th (Thursday)

If you contact her tell her how you feel. do you understand why she is going D? Do you feel remorse? if so explain these things and leave it at that.


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

no stop sign = BS always welcome
I d


Posts: 708 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
Actionsoverwords
Member
Member # 41949
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, July 17th (Thursday)

Imabrokenman,

I am sorry that you and your BW are heading for D. Would it help if you wrote down some of the things you want to say to your BW and hold on to it?

You are heard. Hang in there and take care of yourself.


Me: WH, 30's
Her : BW, 30's, (determinata)
Children: An amazing son.
I am a sex addict, working on myself, and facing the wreckage of my actions.



Posts: 272 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
Imabrokenman
Member
Member # 43886
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, July 17th (Thursday)

Actions -

That is a great idea. I will do that. I've been journaling regularly - I will include. Thanks for the support, and the idea.


Me: WH (49)
Her: BW (48)
DDay 1: June 9, 2014
DDay 2: June 23, 2014
Married: 19 Years
No children

Currently living apart, unsure of reconciliation. In IC.


Posts: 69 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Richmond, VA
Topic Posts: 11