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User Topic: xwh showed up at my house this morning
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

It was so bizarre. He was so confused and out of it. I still don't know what to make of it.

XWH has been watching DD 3x/wk and she has been in daycare 2x/wk this summer. So far it's been working out.

This is the text messages between us discussing this week, where I clarified which days he had her:

Me: you will have her the 29th, 30th, & 1st. She will be in daycare the 28th and 31st.

Him: I have her August 1st, not 31st.

Me: Yes. see above.

So he shows up this morning, after he himself had specifically said that he had her August 1st, not the 31st.

The doorbell rings at 7:25, I'm blow drying my hair, my DD runs to the door, I shout "Don't open that door! We are not expecting anybody!" I peek out and see his dumbass standing there.

Me: What are you doing?
XWH: *Dumbfounded stare* It's my day.
Me: "No, she is going to daycare today, and actually you specifically said you had her on the 1st, and not the 31st."
XWH: *seems out of it, takes his phone out of his pocket, pretends to look at it but didn't really look at it, didn't even activate the screen or anything* "It was today."
Me: "Noooooo, I'll even forward you the texts from you saying you definitely did not have her today."
DD: "I want to go to the bouncehouse!" (Daycare has a bounce house today)
XWH: *looks around confused, starts to walk away* stops and tells DD that he loves her and he'll see her tomorrow

Then he gets in his car and leaves. I forwarded him his texts clarifying, from him, and he never responded or answered my texts at all.

The whole thing just struck me as bizarre and he seemed, I don't know, vacant. Not all there.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3348 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

Hungover?
On drugs?

Ugh....sorry Sparky!


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6443 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
hopefulmom44
Member
Member # 44136
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

Is he under any type of medication? Sometimes when drs switch prescriptions, the body take a while to adjust.

Please be cautious! Based on reading your post, he really isn't all there.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Jul 2014
Lola2kids
Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

Maybe he thinks he has her Aug. 1 and Aug. 31st?

Weird.

X misinterprets my texts quite often.
English is not his first language and his english has suffered a lot since he moved out. OW speaks his language.

He sounds like he maybe just didn't sleep well last night and rushed over.
Hope he shows up tomorrow.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1386 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

Is he under any type of medication? Sometimes when drs switch prescriptions, the body take a while to adjust.
Please be cautious! Based on reading your post, he really isn't all there.

I wonder.

He had a head injury in November 2012 and at that time, he was out of work and was not allowed to drive. I would not let him take DD until he was cleared by the doctor to drive and go back to work.

I wonder if there is something going on with him, residual head injury effects a year and a half later? Or maybe Dr's did switch his medicine. Of course, he would not tell me.

He sounds like he maybe just didn't sleep well last night and rushed over.
This could be it too.

Maybe I am overreacting.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3348 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
peridot
Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

If you have a semi good relationship with him where you could say something and not have him flip out, I would say something if this happens again or you notice he is acting off again.

If he doesn't normally act like that, it could be something to do with his head injury. He may not even realize it.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4780 | Registered: Feb 2008
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

^^This.

It's a very troubling incident.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4634 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

Wth?

I would call him tonight, out of the blue. See how he reacts and see if his speech sounds at all different. If anything sounds funny, DD goes to daycare tomorrow.

Obviously, if he sounds fine tonight and looks as vacant tomorrow as he did today, same thing. I don't know what it could be. I've screwed up dates and days before so it could just be as harmless as that.

I know you'll be diligent and keep your eyes wide open.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2794 | Registered: Jan 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

From your description something sounds "off". Does he take drugs? Is there something wrong with him?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9674 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, July 31st (Thursday)

Do you feel safe leaving your child with him like that?


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
BtraydWife
Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, August 1st (Friday)

Yeah that makes you really wonder. Somethings not right.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, August 1st (Friday)

I wouldn't give a flying fuck except for the fact that he will have your DD.

Are you allowed to call the cops and report someone driving 'out of it'? I couldn't discuss this with him in my situation without him flipping out.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5559 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, August 1st (Friday)

Well this morning I was watching him like a hawk, he was completely fine, all there, not vacant, etc. If he was like he was yesterday, I was ready to tell him something was clearly wrong with him and that he wasn't taking DD today and I was going to take her to daycare.

I have to tread carefully with him. He is a narc/socio and right now he is on good behavior because he thinks he is getting his way. I don't want to mess with that. However, if he was like he was yesterday, all bets would have been off.

With a normal person you could say "Hey, are you ok? You seemed a little off this morning. Is everything alright with you?" But I dare not hand him any ego kibbles if I don't have to.

Are you allowed to call the cops and report someone driving 'out of it'?
Under normal circumstances, yes. However, he works for, and is a supervisor at the town police department. So even if he was fall down drunk, high, etc. his "friends" would show up, and nothing would happen to him, they would cover it up, etc. I used to work for this same police department, this is where I met him, and I've seen this type of cover up occur frequently.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3348 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
tryingagain74
Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, August 1st (Friday)

Glad that everything is okay for your DD's sake. An evil part of me wonders if he was distracted and out of it because he just got some really bad news... maybe he was having a DDay...?


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3606 | Registered: Oct 2011
DepressedDaddy
Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, August 1st (Friday)

I'll throw another possibility out there, it is call triangulation or splitting. He may have come over purely to stir shit up. Sometimes people do this to get two other people riled up, so they look like the good guy/gal. In your case, I could see him coming over, so DD saw him and then DD say things like, "I wanna go with daddy." Then it puts you in a position of getting upset and he has thus accomplished his goal. This happens all the time.

Don't get me wrong, the drug/medication thing could also be a possibility, but it sounds more like a manipulative move, but then again you probably would know best because he was standing feet away from you.

My motto - Trust your gut! If it doesn't seem right, it probably isn't.


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 754 | Registered: Dec 2013
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, August 1st (Friday)

He may have come over purely to stir shit up.
Oh I DEFINITELY thought of this, and this is DEFINITELY something that he would do, and has done in the past.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3348 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, August 1st (Friday)

The simplest explanation of all is that he made a mistake. He got his days mixed up. Slept in a bit, then panicked upon awakening because he mistakenly *thought* that it was Friday instead of Thursday, jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes real quick and raced over to the house so that he wouldn't be late, kwim?
It doesn't seem as if he was there to cause any drama.....and his reaction could have been from embarrassment. Idk, just a thought to consider.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8006 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
DepressedDaddy
Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, August 1st (Friday)

It doesn't seem as if he was there to cause any drama.....and his reaction could have been from embarrassment.

Absolutely true. I know I've been sitting at home after work sometimes and said, "oh shit! Was I supposed to pick my DD up from school today?" I have always been fine. I have yet to ever mix up a day, but I'm always scared that I will.


Since D I have become DDaddy 2.0 - or better known as DevotedDaddy

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so."


Posts: 754 | Registered: Dec 2013
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, August 1st (Friday)

It's possible I just have a hair trigger with him. He's done some fucked up shit in the past, so my guard is always up with him.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3348 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
GetEvenInAZ
Member
Member # 30891
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, August 1st (Friday)

Not to minimize his capacity for shittiness, but my eldest had a TBI (traumatic brain injury) Jan 2010 from a car accident.

Four+ years later she stll has moments like this: confusion, spaciness, seems drunk or on drugs.

Cause is stress or lack of sleep (she's in college-go figure ) or sometime just poor diet.

We worked w her roomates and now her boyfriend to ensure she doesn't drive in this state.

It may just be temporary or sporadic, but definetly something to keep eye on though.


Me: BW (44)
now xH (44)
20 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, and up to 5 - make it 6 DDays

Posts: 283 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: gilbert AZ
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, August 1st (Friday)

Geteven thank you for that feedback. That makes a lot of sense given his brain injury.

When it happens, does she knows it is happening? Or is she oblivious to it?


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3348 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 1:28 AM, August 2nd (Saturday)

The X had a very severe head injury in 1986; he still has residual effects from it. For the first few years I could not leave DS alone with him for fear something would happen. The one time I did, I came home to then 14 month old DS smiling at me while eating something from one his toy trucks. I asked the X "What is the baby eating." Without ever turning away from the TV, he said "Nothing." It turned out to be dog kibble.

Watch him carefully.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20173 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
GetEvenInAZ
Member
Member # 30891
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, August 2nd (Saturday)

She is aware after the fact, but not while the episode is actually occrring. She thinks she is perfectly fine and s unaware of everything around her. When she has an episide, we treat her asif she were drunk: water, iboprofin, sleep.

Its scary knowing she has these episodes, but time and better selfcare (esp getting enough sleep and exercising to relieve stress) have helped tremendously.


Me: BW (44)
now xH (44)
20 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, and up to 5 - make it 6 DDays

Posts: 283 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: gilbert AZ
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I really think the past brain injury is it! OMG!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3348 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 24