SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Why now?
AmSoDone
Member
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I think I am just really starting to feel the hurt. Iíve been breaking down in tears for the past 2 days and Iíve been crying all day. I think Iíve been on auto-pilot for 6 months. I only started to come out of it when I found out about the OW (about 6 weeks ago). How could he do this to me again? I begged him not to do this again because I didnít think I could take it again but he did it anyway. Why would he beg to come here and live with me and then treat me like Iíd trapped him somehow, tricked him into doing something he didnít want to do? It was as if I wasnít living up to his expectations, somehow.

Before I found SI and NC advice, when he left, I was already having minimal contact with him. I was randomly answering his texts and calls and I saw him a few times, to pick up his stuff and drop off money for bills etc. He wasnít saying anything apart from it was for the best and he needed help and I just said whatever. When I think back, I was extremely calm, cool even. I couldnít deal with it, I realise now. I was better at ignoring him then.

Is it because then, I thought it was all about him and his issues and now, since I found out about the OW it has become, in my mind, about me, that I wasnít good enough, that I just didnít do it for him (especially as we werenít having sex)?
I have been avoiding him like the plague. He has asked to see me and I was seeing him when he first left but I canít bring myself to now. I canít bear the thought of him looking at me. It was bad enough when he was here when I thought he didnít desire me but nowÖ...

I just keep going over it and I feel helpless. I keep thinking that I shouldíve spoken to him more in the beginning but then I think did I really want to know? He wouldíve lied anyway so whatís the point?

I am angry with him for my DD but for me, I am just heartbroken. I know that I am better off without him, heís has loads of issues, heís a liar and a cheat but I just canít get my head round the fact that I am nothing to him anymore. WTF is that all about?

Maybe I am just realising that this is over. Iíve said it often enough and I AmSoDone after all but he hasnít bothered to try to contact me for over a week now. Itís what I wanted but it hurts. WTF is that all about?

I hate feeling like this, I really do. This is the only place I can say it how it is.


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
hopefulfourus
Member
Member # 25204
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

(((((((Hugs)))))))

I am feeling the same way at this moment. This is what I've wanted also.
I think I may be idealizing what he is/was. But when I really think about it as black/white, it wasn't that great. My H thought only of himself, what was good for him. He went out and had fun with his friends, traveled and so forth. I played the part of both parents. We did do things together and with the kids, but not what it should have been. He has cheated, lied and really my heart hurts. We really were not a team that way we should have been. He always chose himself or the OW , even over his own kids.

I feel alone, as you probably do to right now. A good friend of mine told me today to take one day at a time and things will get better. I told her that one day in the future, she better tell me..I told you so.


Me: BW. 40's
Him: WH POS. 40's
2 kids. DD16, DS14

Don't let my user name fool you...I am NOT hopeful for us at ALL!!


Posts: 62 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: New York
AmSoDone
Member
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I've just read your story HFU. Your XH sounds just like my X. I too got the 'I'm not happy' story and I was also blamed for what I didn't do to please him. I know I was unhappy with him so I'm having a hard time understanding why I am hurting so much now.

I suppose I hate the fact that I didn't mean enough to him to try to work it out and he would rather walk away.


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
sodamnlost
Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, August 3rd (Sunday)

(((((Hugs)))))))

I haven't figured it out yet but you are not alone in your feelings. I wish I understood my feelings more as well.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
meleanoro
Member
Member # 6210
Default  Posted: 4:14 AM, August 3rd (Sunday)

Sometimes the strong parts of us with skills to help us survive take over. This happens so we can thrive, move on, protect ourselves.

But that doesn't mean our soft parts have fully healed yet. Not remotely.

You carry within you the dreams of a little girl, a young woman, a hurt adult. All those parts are fragile, even if hidden sometimes from view.

You were hurt so badly. Acknowledge that. Allow yourself as much grief as you need.

There is no timeline for healing.

Much peace and kindness to you.


Me: Tired BS.
(I frequently edit for typos)

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jan 2005
Topic Posts: 5