User Topic: Suing on the basis of Adultery
Member # 44261
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I was just wondering if anyone when filing for a divorce in a no fault state used adultery as the reason. I want to know what the reaction was from your Ex and/or their AP. I am filing with that reason because I want it on record that what they did was wrong. And that will be on record forever.It will not make a difference legally or monetarily, but it will make me feel I took a little bit of power back. I thought about it for weeks and finally made my decision. My friend didn't do it and says she regrets it. My lawyer said people do it or don't do it for many reasons. She said some people do it to heal or to get revenge-but that it's a a personal decision. I just wanted to know what your thoughts were.

Married since 1994
DDay 9/18/10
DD 15
“You two deserve each other, and I deserve better” ~Me

Posts: 61 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Jersey
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I live in a no-fault state so it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I knew I wasn't going to get any satisfaction out of the divorce, and it wouldn't have meant anything anyhow. I just didn't really feel like poking that bear and running the risk of the proceedings turning nasty.

Posts: 1734 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I'm confused. How can you file a no-fault divorce....and list a *fault* as the reason?

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8078 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 44159
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

Me, personally, I think I would want it in there, on the record, especially because I think in the future these types of public records are going to be much easier to find on the internet.

Give it a thought if you have kids whether you care if they know someday. Because it it's in there, chances are they will read it someday.

Posts: 373 | Registered: Jul 2014
Member # 44159
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

Will putting it in there make him play hard ball with any of the items being negotiated?

Posts: 373 | Registered: Jul 2014
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

gonnabe: even in a no fault state, you have to file grounds for the divorce. Some states still have adultery as grounds for divorce, but most people nowadays just use irreconcilable differences.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I could have, but didn't for two reasons. First, I was told I would need to practically have pictures of them having sex to prove it, and second, because I didn't want him to become difficult as I just wanted it done. I was getting what I wanted without any argument from him. Had I filed for adultery, he could have created all kinds of misery to drag out the D. It just wasn't worth it to me. I wanted to move on with my life as quickly as possible.

ETA: Using grounds for adultery also would have necessitated filing for divorce (MUCH longer process in my state) rather than dissolution (30 days). I opted for expediency to legally extricate myself from him as quickly as possible.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 10:00 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)]

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I did. I asked the attorney if it could be in bold face type, enlarged letters, and a printed in red. He said no. Lol. But it's on there.

It's the truth. It's on there.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 43859
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I filed with Adultery as the reason. STBXWH has let me know many times that he thinks it is a "low blow."

He has begged me to take it off, saying it would be public record and anybody could see it. He whined that a future employer who hates adultery could find it and then not want to hire him.

It is a personal thing for me. I planned on being married forever. I did not just give up one day. So I wanted Adultery listed. I imagine it gives me some leverage. He wants it off so bad that I know I could use it to get things I want in the divorce. I haven't played that card yet, mostly because, like I said, I want it listed for me.

BW (me) 29, WH 29, DS 5
Together since 2005, Married 2007
D-Day: 5/23/14 He moved out: 5/31/14
No remorse, its all my fault, I pushed him to it
I filed: 6/23/14
Drowning in pain.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Jun 2014
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I live in a state that all you have to do is live separately for a year and presto you are divorced. He wanted it to happen that way but he deserted me and was ad is hot and heavy into his A with a M OW. I filed on both charges. Here I can even file criminal charges against them both. I am holding that card until we get down to the last wire.

They did it and I believe they should both be forced to face what they did.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I filed using adultery as the basis for the D. We lived in MO. One of the smartest things I did was to subpoena the bimbo/MOW to testify at our hearing. Xh had spent marital funds on her and her testimony was to define those expenses. She swore to tell the truth then lied 90% of the time and got caught in her lies over and over. I wanted it 'all out there' because I was not responsible for the breakup of our 35 yr marriage. A delusional now-x and a stupid mow were responsible. If it affects either of them down the road, not my problem. Actions have consequences.

BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 504 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)

I had it stated that it was adultery, my choice.

Every time he has to hand over the divorce decree to prove he is divorced, for anything, there it will be. I had to pull out his paperwork from his first divorce for military, home financing, and some other things I can't remember.

It screams, I am a lying cheating sack of $h#t that my wife divorced. PRICELESS. It is the one thing I got in the divorce that I didn't have to fight for.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 42648
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, August 3rd (Sunday)

My L suggested not filing as Adultery as it would only incite my stbxww and make any mediation/collaboration more difficult. I'm not sure it'll make any difference, and I sure mention the affair in various motions.

DDays- too many

Status - In D.

Posts: 90 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, August 3rd (Sunday)

Being sued for adultery is just of the consequences a cheater should suffer. Them and the partner as my STBXH is going to be listed in the decree.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)

i considered it, but did not for a few reasons:

1) Tried to protect my kids from that being out there.
2) I was afraid if the word was out there, STBXWW would have a tough time getting a job as a school administrator, and may move to another city or state and take my kids.
3) I live in a no fault state, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
4) My attorney advised against it. I didn't want to poke the bear and make things more difficult and longer and drawn out.
5) I wanted to take the high road.

Did it pay off?
My kids figured it out anyway. most people in my small town know she cheated and a lot of them knew when we were still together. She still can't get a job as an administrator, she's already dragged this out so much longer than it needed to be, and 'took me to the cleaners'.

If i were to do it over again, i would have listed adultery as the reason for the divorce. maybe i'm just bitter. i hope to not care one day. In our society, but most people don't really see infidelity as that big of a deal, unfortunately.

Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 332 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 15