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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: 50/50 custody split?
hopefulmom44
Member
Member # 44136
Question  Posted: 11:16 AM, August 14th (Thursday)

Hi All-

I had mediation this week and the mediator gave STBXWH 50/50 custody split because he felt he would get it in court anyway. Also my STBXWH's lawyer told him he could get him 50/50 split in court. He agreed to live and work close to my house. I don't have any proof that he is an unfit father. He is great with the kids now. He did not agree to the final proposal so nothing is set in stone yet. I might have to go to court due to disagreement on the financial side. What do you think about the 50/50 split? If you have this agreement, has it worked for you?


Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
Hopeful74
Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

Hi Hopefull!! My husband and I have shared custody with me having primary custody. It is working out. No big problems except he tries I push boundaries when I give a little, so I have decided his weekends are his weekends and mine are mine. No more switching. And he gets one weekday evening a week. But, my 16 year dictates wen she spends time with him, per the court. It's not too bad. I kind of look forward to some me time every 2 weeks, but then I miss them and am happy to have them back with me Sunday nights!!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
mhca
Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

Wow, two hopeful members.

homefulmom44, what state are you in? That matters a lot. If you're in California and you don't have evidence that he's a horrible father, 50/50 is what you're likely to get.

I don't have any wisdom on how 50/50 has worked for people so I'm going to watch this thread...


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 882 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

If he is a good dad, AND will actually take them 50/50, then it's fine. If he doesn't actually take them 50% of the time, then he pays less CS while you do all the work and have all the expenses and you would have to take him back to court after tracking how often he does take them to get the CS raised.

Our mediator suggested 50/50 to my XH and he thought it sounded great!....until I pointed out to him that he had no idea (at that time) where he was going to be living, where would the kids go after school, that he wouldn't be home in time to get the kids to activities if it was his time. Mediator tried to still keep it pretty on paper and keep it 50/50 and said how about he pays you to babysit them on his days from after school until he gets there? I bristled. Umm, no. If they are in my care, they are in my custody. I am not BABYSITTING my own kids. I would still have to feed them, and drive all over to towns an hour away to get my son to his games, and he would meet us there to say, hey! It's his time? Ummm, no. We did not go 50/50. And I was right. He couldn't in any way shape or form do 50/50. 5 years later, he barely sees them. And at that time, I would have said he was a good dad, it was just that I knew he couldn't do the after school/extracurricular events timing because of his job.

If you think your STBXWH would actually do 50/50, without you having to be oncall all the time, then yeah, it could be great. If you don't think he can do it, then say no. Just because the mediator suggests it, it doesn't mean you have to say ok, you know? You are allowed to say no. Have you been tracking how much he looks after the kids now? Do you think he can do it?


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5588 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

It would have been over my dead body that I would have agreed to a 50/50 split. Luckily, my state does not default to it.

Does 50/50 have any bearing on CS? My state does not, but I know that some do, and I have seen a lot of WS's go for 50/50 because they did not want to pay CS, not because they actually cared about having their children 50%.

Also, keep in mind that 50/50 physical custody is not the same thing as joint legal custody. People confuse that frequently.

[This message edited by sparkysable at 1:10 PM, August 14th (Thursday)]


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3496 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Futurefear
Member
Member # 43176
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

I'm going to watch this post too. I am going for primary physical custody, not sure about the joint legal...ugh.
So crappy that any of us even need to deal with this shit.


me- BW
him- WH
together 9 yrs, married 7
kids-8,5,17 mon
DD#1-Jan 2014, numerous others followed-filed for divorce April 2014, we are still living in the house together, he won't leave without his $$$.

Posts: 290 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
hopefulmom44
Member
Member # 44136
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

Hopeful-It's comforting to hear that it's working out for you. Maybe it can work for me, right now I am soo confused that all I want to do by instict is fight to keep my kids with me all the time.

mhca-I'm in Texas. Apparently in this state, the only way he can be restricted from his children is if he had an abuse case.

dmom-I've been very vigilant of the kids lately. He has spend more time with kids this summer, than he did over the last 2 years. He is a good dad. However, most of his free time over the last 4 yrs he spent it with the other woman telling me he was working. Well, I take that back, he was not a good dad.


Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
kra127
Member
Member # 41045
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

I was told by my attorney that if WH asked for 50/50 custody like he was threatening to do, the court would honor it as they feel a child needs equal time with each parent. However, my WH has backed off after considering his work schedule (no days off without the kids) and the huge change this would be for my kids. I guess it works in some circumstances but I wouldn't agree to it in my case.


Me 40
WS 39
2 young kids, Married 10 yrs
OW 22, admitted to EA and then TT to PA two weeks later. Also, found out about several "friends".
Dday 10/8/13
Divorcing

Posts: 102 | Registered: Oct 2013
mhca
Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

Sounds like TX is like CA then.

FWIW, I will die on the hill rather than agree to anything less than joint legal custody. Ceding my rights as a father to a woman who uses Ashley Madison just ain't gonna happen.


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 882 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
KeepOnMovin
Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

50/50 joint physical custody does NOT mean you don't pay child support. (at least not in Oklahoma). However, it may if your salaries are identical.

Most formulas are tied to the ratio of your respective incomes, and time with each parent. The higher wage earner will usually pay the lower wage earner child support even with 50/50 joint physical custody.

It has worked ok so far for us. It is not uncommon for her to ask me to keep DS 12 during her week if she has something come up. She was sick last weekend so i kept DS12 until she felt better. I have never turned down time with my kids if i am free or can get free. She has helped me for the most part too.

As much as i sometimes really hate her, i can't complain about our arrangement. other than she let's them get away with way more than i do.


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 407 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
little turtle
Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

XH and I have joint legal custody and I have primary custody. XH has our sons every other weekend and for dinner 2 nights a week. They can't stay the night unless XH isn't working.

When XH is laid off, we have close to 50/50 split time. XH wanted to have the arrangement of alternating weeks, but I wouldn't agree to going a week without seeing my boys. Instead, we alternate days. It's confusing, but it seemed to work while he was laid off. I got the boys Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday. He got the boys Monday and Wednesday. We alternated Friday and Saturday with the every other weekends. I was nervous about this arrangement because I had to give up some control. I was the one who always took the kids to school and picked them up. I helped them with home work and so on. XH was able to step up a bit and he was involved with them more while he was off. Now that he's back to work, it's up to me again.

Are your kids in school? Will he be able to pick them up and drop them off on his days?


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4224 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
hopefulmom44
Member
Member # 44136
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

little-

My kids (DD6 & DS 9) will start school in two weeks. I feel they are too little to be going back and forth every week. Are your kiddos older or younger?


Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
Kingsj
New Member
Member # 40776
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

I can't help but bristle a little at your comments dmom. I want to maintain a relationship with my children. As a provider, it is not as easy as you pointed out. I would take them everyday if I could, and did for about 6mo. I know how hard it is. It is also EXTREMELY difficult to pay her support, 75% of child support (how much OH reckons I owe her for a "50/50" split) and also try and pay for afterschool/beforeschool care. I have tried to get my STBXWW to work with me on helping with the children after school care and my youngest during the day while I work, but she has demanded compensation. In a way, that seems fair, BUT she is 1) not working, and 2) already getting every spare dollar I have! Just so you know, the STBXWW has a degree and works for about $25-30/hr whenever she is in the mood to do so. I am living on a fucking credit card, which is something I swore I would never do, because of the court ordered support and the fact I have no family support system anywhere nearby to help with things like childcare and housing expenses.

I would rather the children be able to spend time with her rather than a sitter. I would compensate her, but wtf, I don't have any more money!

Sorry, maybe this should have gone on another rant thread or something. I just know the children have been my world since this happened. I would give more money for more time, but I don't have it to give. My fear is I will not be able to afford to care for the children 50% of the time and which will lead to an erosion of my bond with them. So yes, it is also about the freaking money. I hate that it is, but it is.

Also, I know every situation is different, so I'm not trying to judge anyone. But if you can help your children maintain a relationship with the other parent and the other parent is willing, why not do it? I will and I can't stand her, but she is their mother (vice-versa for the other gender).


Me - BH 38
Her - WS 38
DDay 3SEP2013
2 DD (6,9); 1 DS (3)
Tried to R - No joy
Filed for D 3/2014
Hoping to finalize D before Christmas

Posts: 10 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ohio
hopefulmom44
Member
Member # 44136
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

KingsJ-

In my case, STBXWH got 50/50 split and is paying child support based on state guidelines. (he couldn't win the child support battle with the mediator). He will not be paying for anything else. This support will barely cover after school care and school lunches. Wow. You are paying lots of CS!


Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
ISurrender
New Member
Member # 44064
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

I'm in MD and they too make it pretty hard to agree to anything other than a 50/50 split. I'm early in my D proceedings - haven't gone to mediation or custody hearings yet - but our paperwork is already written to be 50/50 physical and legal custody.

Like everyone on this thread, I would take sole custody if I could but she's only been shitty to me - not my DD - to warrant getting it in court. So, I am going to have to make it work when the time we live separately occurs.


BS (me): 46
WW: 39
Together for 8 yrs
Married for 6 yrs (since 2008)
DD: 2 yrs
DDay: 7-Sep-2013; 6-7 month PA/EA as of Dday
I filed: Jun 2013, she's still in the house with me.
Kept seeing POS for 2 months after telling me. No remorse

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Maryland
BaltimoreBlues
New Member
Member # 43845
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

I am also in Texas and I had an initial consultation with an attorney a few weeks ago.

I'm a stay at home dad and have a child on the autism spectrum.

The attorney told me that unless my wife was an unfit mother, she can and will get 50/50 physical custody. However, she would still be responsible for child support and possibly spousal support for up to 5 years.


Me: 40
Her: 38
Married for 15 years
Two kids (4 and 5)
D-Day: June 16, 2014

Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2014
littlefoggy
Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

Another MDer. They default to 50/50 and joint legal. But we have NO paperwork on legal custody because we can't agree.

STBX waived 50/50. The mediator offered it. He realized that a toddler totally cramps the bachelor lifestyle.

I am trying to get sole legal. This may be the hill I die on.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 498 | Registered: Nov 2013
Feelthrownaway
Member
Member # 33772
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

A friend of mine has 50/50 custody with his ex wife. It started when the kids were 6 and 8. It works for them.
They live a few miles from each other. The kids spend one week with him and one with her, then back to him, etc. He works out of state every other week. She actually has them four days more than him a month. An extra day a week due to his schedule. He pays cs for those four days. They are both high income earners with salaries close to each others at the time of the divorce,which is why he only pays those days. He makes much more than her now.


BW- 48
FWH-49
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 23 years- together 25

What doesn't kill me, scars me.


Posts: 1209 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Down South
Feelthrownaway
Member
Member # 33772
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

eta..double post

[This message edited by Feelthrownaway at 1:44 AM, August 15th (Friday)]


BW- 48
FWH-49
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 23 years- together 25

What doesn't kill me, scars me.


Posts: 1209 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Down South
Feelthrownaway
Member
Member # 33772
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, August 14th (Thursday)

eta..triple post..sorry, it's one of those days

[This message edited by Feelthrownaway at 1:45 AM, August 15th (Friday)]


BW- 48
FWH-49
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 23 years- together 25

What doesn't kill me, scars me.


Posts: 1209 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Down South
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, August 15th (Friday)

t/j

KingsJ, I'm sorry if my comments upset you. That was not the intent. The intent was to let the original poster know that if in their situation 50/50 really won't work, you can say no and negotiate what will work. In my case, I did the right thing. At this point, I have the kids 99% of the time. I did not block him or refuse to let him see the kids. He cancelled most of it. I"m glad I refused, and got him to see that he couldn't do 50/50 in the first place because of his work hours so I didn't have to go back to court later.

I don't want to take over hopefulmom's thread, but I'd be happy to talk to you by PM if you want me to explain why I refused. Believe me, if he worked different hours and could have been home in time to feed them/get DS to his events, I would have gone with it. It was from experience that I knew I would have to be available every night, even if it was his night because of sports that I refused. We didn't even really fight about it...I just explained it to him, and he agreed with me that he couldn't do it. Now, 5 years later, he's the one cancelling and rarely seeing the kids although he texts them daily. It was his choice. I did not block him from seeing them.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5588 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
ideservebetter45
Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, August 15th (Friday)

The courts think children should have equal tine with each parent is such a joke.Even if that parent has cheated, lies and has no morals.Over my dead body. That's what is wrong in todays world. NO consequences. My ex didn't want 50/50.he moved right in with the whore.If he did, he would have a fight on his hands!

Posts: 163 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
MelisssaZZZ
Member
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, August 15th (Friday)

personally i think default 50/50 is wrong. to me it sounds so much more about equal aprents right rather than childrens best interests.

how can moving homes every week be good for a child? maybe when kids are older - like early teans and they like it - maybe then.

otherwise, i think is very unfair to kids, they suffer for their parents selfishness.


Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 5yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
Kingsj
New Member
Member # 40776
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, August 15th (Friday)

Dmom, I hear you. I would send u a private but I don't know how (pathetic I know).

Like I said, I'm not judging, and I appreciate your point of view, too. I'm just frustrated and struggling with my situation.

I also agree that courts should try and see the whole picture, but from what I've read and experienced every single courthouse, every single judge/magistrate handles things differently. And in the cases I've seen being female carries much more weight than having clean morales.

I personally think if the mother is the true caregiver, a selfish XH will let you take the children the majority of the time bc he wants the alone time more than the CS. This is probably a good thing. On the other hand, I think when a sole-provider male wants the children, it is an uphill battle against a selfish female because of the money involved and the way most courts (in my area) are biased for the mother.

I just hope my children get through this ordeal without significant permanent damage, and that is what I'm working toward.


Me - BH 38
Her - WS 38
DDay 3SEP2013
2 DD (6,9); 1 DS (3)
Tried to R - No joy
Filed for D 3/2014
Hoping to finalize D before Christmas

Posts: 10 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ohio
Kingsj
New Member
Member # 40776
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, August 15th (Friday)

(((MelisssaZZZ))) So you think I should just give up the children to their mother instead of fight so I can spend every other week with them?

I would love to have full custody, then I could actually afford child care. The reality, however, is there a very low probability of me getting full custody. So I should just settle for minimal time with my children and let them be raised by this person that betrayed and abandoned them (until she got a lawyer that explained CS) for their benefit?


Me - BH 38
Her - WS 38
DDay 3SEP2013
2 DD (6,9); 1 DS (3)
Tried to R - No joy
Filed for D 3/2014
Hoping to finalize D before Christmas

Posts: 10 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ohio
devistatedmom
Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, August 15th (Friday)

Kingj, I'll PM you so you can learn how. lol Look for a little note up the top of the forums saying you have a message.

I agree with you; the courts do make it an uphill battle for dads that are the main caregiver. I also agree I wish courts could look at each case individually rather than cookie cutter answers. I have never liked "zero tolerance" or This Is The Answer! type answers for any situation.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5588 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, August 15th (Friday)

slight T/J, I don't think kingsj can get PM's yet because of his post count. I could be wrong though. I know there are or used to be restrictions on what you could do prior to reaching a certain post count.


Back on topic, I have 50/50 custody and in my state custody does have an impact on CS. My XWW sucked as a spouse but she is a "decent" parent. We alternate weeks Friday through Friday. The 50/50 works for us. My advice to hopeful is to document who actually has the kids for the forseeable future. That way if you do end up in court you can pull out your documentation and show that your WH either did actually do 50/50 or never got the kids at all. He needs to put forth the effort. He is responsible for his relationship with the kids from now on. During my weeks I do everything for my kids. All appointments, school, shopping, feeding, etc... I act as if XWW is dead, technically she is not dead but as far as I am concerning she is to me. She treats me the same way and I am perfectly okay with that. If we need to speak to discuss the kids or something they need we do so. I don't have to like her I just need to coparent effectively with her.

I am not advocating for or against 50/50 just saying track it because there is no such thing as fair in divorce. If he does get 50/50 and you feel it's because he wants to lower his CS then track it and you can go back and petition the courts to raise the CS and show that he is not honoring the 50/50. If you want more than 50% then have your lawyer ask for it. Your WH may agree. It's sad but D is one big negotiation or business deal and your time with the kids is a part of the negotiation. For some 50/50 is a best case scenario and for others it's a worst case scenario. You know your situation best. You know your WH best. You fight for what is best for you and your kids.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:23 AM, August 15th (Friday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1924 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, August 15th (Friday)

I would love to have full custody, then I could actually afford child care. The reality, however, is there a very low probability of me getting full custody. So I should just settle for minimal time with my children and let them be raised by this person that betrayed and abandoned them (until she got a lawyer that explained CS) for their benefit?

^^^Kings, you SHUOLD fight for custody of your children if that is what you want. In my state 50/50 is the norm unless one spouse can prove the other is unfit and it's pretty damn hard to prove that. What usually happens is one parent doesn't want the responsiblity or one is trying to manipulate the system for CS reasons. Each case is unique and you know your situation best. Don't get discouraged. You have every right to fight for your time with your children. Get with your L and figure out what your rights are and fight based on your situation. Each of our personal situations color how we read and react to posts. How we go through the D process is often emotional when the the legal system is anything but. Emotion evokes thoughts of fairness, righting wrongs, and payback but the legal system is way the heck over there as far away from emotion as possible. Hell, it isn't even "fair" most of the time but it is what we have. You do what's best for you and let your L guide you.

My kids go back and forth each week and yes it's an adjustment but that is life. Again life is not fair. My XWW made some choices that impacted many people, my kids included. Each situation is different so you fight for you and your kids. You are your own best advocate.

ETA: Hopefully I didn't come off like an ass and I didn't intend to TJ but both you and hopeful should fight for what YOU want for you and your kids.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 10:20 AM, August 15th (Friday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1924 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
brokeninfl
Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, August 15th (Friday)

I know several people who have 50/50 and it works fine. So much depends on your kids, and how well you can work with/count on your ex.

During mediation my XWH asked for 50/50. I refused, and the mediator pushed back - but a that point we had been separated for almost 2 years. I had kept a record of when he had actually taken them (we were going on a self-imposed EOW with two dinner nights on "off weeks" and one on "on week". He took them about 40% of his scheduled time on that schedule - and was significantly late (and hour or more) for 30% of the ones left. When the mediator saw that, she backed off (as did XWH's lawyer who was apparently *shocked*)

My kiddos were very small - so I agreed to two "reevaluation points" where we would renegotiate on time sharing. When the first came XWH said his time was fine (we agreed on LESS time then he had previously - based on the actual time he had taken) The kids didn't really fit with his lifestyle.

I'd keep track of when he actually takes them. If he's a good dad, and will actually keep them 50% of the time - then I don't think it's a bad thing (as long as your kids can handle it)


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, August 15th (Friday)

personally i think default 50/50 is wrong. to me it sounds so much more about equal aprents right rather than childrens best interests.
how can moving homes every week be good for a child? maybe when kids are older - like early teans and they like it - maybe then.

otherwise, i think is very unfair to kids, they suffer for their parents selfishness

.

Many kids to very well with it. I think its short sighted to just assume children "suffer" in this arrangement.

I have 50/50 custody with my Ex. He is a very committed dad. I probably end up having our son about 60/40 due to him opting out on some nights b/c of work load (supposedly).

Our boy is 3.5 and this is all he's known as we separated when he was 1.

We alternate every 2 or 3 days, generally. He is always very happy to go to his dads, and very happy when he comes back to my place. The only issue we've ever encountered is occasionally he'll want a toy that he has taken and left at his Dads, but even that he seems to accept it and be ok with it. He is extremely happy and loving.

My point being, its wrong to just assume children are "moving homes" every week and "suffering" in a 50/50 arrangement. I initially had majority custody, and Voluntarily agreed to 50/50 when XH requested same, as I felt it was the right thing to do, as he is just as much a parent as me, and my child deserves to be with both equally.

If problems ever arise with XH's parenting, I will go back to court to change it.

[This message edited by ShiningAutumn8 at 11:44 AM, August 15th (Friday)]


Posts: 534 | Registered: Feb 2014
MelisssaZZZ
Member
Member # 25953
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, August 15th (Friday)

I understand that every situation is different. I am just thinking that *I* would not want to live 1 week in one place, another in another..

Therefore, I am skeptical all the kids would like that.



Me BS - 37
WH 39
1 child - 5yrs
married 5 yrs, together 7
DD1 midmarch 09
DD2 early june 09
some more DD's of course - cannot bother to list
LTA (2 yrs) fully?? finished mid Aug 09
Status: Divorced Oct 2011

Posts: 1235 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: London, UK
ShiningAutumn8
Member
Member # 42558
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, August 15th (Friday)

I don't think I would like to live in one place one week, and one another. However, if each place was "home" to me, fully furnished with all I needed, I don't think Id be suffering and I think it would not be so bad at all. I think Id be suffering a lot worse living in 1 home with 2 parents who disrespected each other, OR living with 1 parent and rarely seeing the other. Its not like he has to pack up all their belongings and "move" each week. He considers both places his home.

Im just saying, using words such as "suffering" and "moving homes each week" doesn't really describe the situation of joint 50/50 custody.


Posts: 534 | Registered: Feb 2014
Topic Posts: 32