SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: Mini Update
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

We're....ok?

Not much discussion. I've talked. He gave me an open door one day with a comment about another situation, and I called him on his crap. Shook him up a bit. Still not much conversation. But there are actions.

Over the weekend I had a small disappointment. He apologized. Genuinely apologized for the sitch. With his hands kneading my shoulders. He didn't shrug and say "bummer. Sorry 'bout that.". His apology language has changed. It feels like he actually cares and doesn't brush it off anymore. Like my hurt/frustration/irritation actually register with him now.

He is still running with me. My allergies are murdering me and it's really a struggle. He works all day, then runs with me. As tired as he is. Pushing and encouraging. Not just on Sunday anymore. But every day I run. He knows what this means for me and is supporting. Even if I fall short of my goal.

One evening after the kids were in bed, he surprised me with something we used to do. It was a moment for just the two of us. It felt peaceful. Happy.

Again, not much talking. But I'm seeing action. Not just with the examples above, but all the way across the board. I'm reading between the lines of his actions to fill in my blanks. I wanna analyze and talk and hash and discuss. He may never do that. So I'm trying to let it go. (No Frozen references please.) I still need talking. But I guess I need to make better decisions on which hills I want to die on. *shrug*

Is this change permanent? Dunno. Hope so. All I can do is roll with it. And be vigilant. And keep working on me.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6287 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

Girl! I'm so glad to hear this.

As if we are running exact parallels, Crazz accidentally stepped on my foot last night and his face contorted into something that resembled actual sympathy as he apologized. I was taken aback and almost laughed. But then I let him know I appreciated it.

Oy. Small victories?


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17758 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
caspers1wish
Member
Member # 28720
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

Sometimes actions speak louder than words. There are good things in your post! I find I need to talk a lot too, and try to turn to a girlfriend instead. Changes will be slow and difficult for him to come out of his comfort zone, it sounds like you're both in the right direction.


Me - FWW (35)
Him - BH (34)
Kids - Ages 6, 8, 10
Married 13 years, together 18 years.
Last D-Day - November 2008

Posts: 772 | Registered: Jun 2010
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

Small victories?
Yep. The optimist inside is hoping these small victories evolve into giant ones. But that sliver of fear is constantly poking me.

One day at a time. That's all I know to do.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6287 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

Happy for you, Aubrie, and Jrazz, too. Small victories can win the big battle.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9792 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
EvolvingSoul
Member
Member # 29972
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

One day at a time. That's all I know to do.
That's all we can do anyway, really. :) Aubrie I continue to be so amazed and pleased at the way you have learned to deal with difficult emotions and impulse control. You have come a long way. Stay the course, sister, from one EvolvingSoul to another.


Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

((HUGS)) to two wonderful ladies. I hope things continue to improve for both of you (Aubrie & Jrazz).


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6802 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

I'm so glad to read this, Aubrie. Sounds like some of those small steps are pretty significant, you know? Hope things continue to improve.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25667 | Registered: Aug 2011
HobbesTheTiger
Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

Great news!

I would suggest you make sure he knows that you like the things he's begun to do, give him positive feedback/reinforcement.

Best wishes going forward!


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 229 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
Aubrie
Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

Thanks Gang.

Absolutely Hobbes. He knows.

ES, I still feel like such a mess. I tease Jrazz about being a Spazz, when in reality, I'm the Spazz. It's so hard finding the right balance with it all.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6287 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
MovingUpward
Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

Good steps. Just keep at it. Every relationship is continually changing don't be afraid to keep tweeking things.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52534 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)

(((Aubrie)))

Nothing wrong with a little spazzing here and there.


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17758 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 12