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Ashley Madison in my spam box...

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Rella posted 8/8/2013 08:51 AM

I have never noticed this before, but then again, maybe I haven't looked hard enough. While doing my daily clearing of my SPAM (for some strange reason, legit email can end up there), there it was! Right at the top of the SPAM pack. Boldly entitled: "Life is short- Have an affair."

Now, I am almost 5 years post DDay and have been very proud of the accomplishments I have made in my healing, but this was enough to send my body into a minor fight-or-flight reaction. Although Ashley Madison was not the vehicle which my EXWH chose to have his affair & change our lives forever, I have read about this connection through the emotional writings of many of my fellow SI'ers. I am just beside myself with loathing at this immoral intrusion into, of things..., my SPAM box & my life!

Don't get me wrong. Almost 5 yrs out, I am in a very happy place and live with only a very small portion of the stress and depression that I had suffered for years in my M. But when this ad hit me, it just brought back those feelings of rejection, anxiety, sadness, and uncertainty.

I know that these are rare & fleeting feelings for me these days, but I am also aware that they are everyday battles for many of my SI friends. So I decided to post this note to share my continued disgust for those who believe that infidelity is the way to fix problems in a M, and reaffirm my support for those left to pick up the mess & and move on. My current mode of thinking is: "Life is too short- Live it with honesty, dignity, and caring for others in our lives." Hugs to all the BS's!

sparklezombie posted 8/8/2013 14:20 PM

Thanks for posting. I think it's encouraging to hear from someone 5 years out. I'm 9 years from DD1 and a week from the most recent DD, which I couldn't even put a number on if I tried. Thanks for posting.

putonahappyface posted 8/8/2013 14:26 PM

My current mode of thinking is: "Life is too short- Live it with honesty, dignity, and caring for others in our lives."

^^^^Amen to this!!!

krazy8516 posted 8/8/2013 14:31 PM

My WH wrote that in an inappropriate e-mail to a co-worker a few months ago... "Life is short. Why be unhappy?" I imagine it was a prelude to his cake-eating affair, during which he came home to me and our daughter every day and had all the benefits of a marriage, but he had a half-naked "friend" on the side making him feel "happy".

It's true. Life is short. But if that line of thinking is what allows the WS to go out and have an affair, than it also allows us BS's a way out. "Life is short. Why spend it with a lying, cheating, empty shell of a human being??"

Ashland13 posted 8/8/2013 14:34 PM

I think it takes some time for these to "go away", even after unsubscribing, if it works right, (and is not a false unsuscribe) but am not sure.I keep getting Zoosk in my spam box because -I think-during the A, and end of being married, there was false R where Nearly ExH lived at home again for a short time. He would "work" on my computer or other electronic things and I suspect was doing more than work.

He made many excuses when I started seeing it on there and yes, Ashely Madison came up in his ...uh...activities, too. He tried to minimalize his time on there and thought that would be less difficult for me to hear? He'd been on it at all, knew it existed, etc...that was too much in and of itself.

Part of my horror is that people make money off of these sites and the actions of people who may pay.

For a time, I was counting food in ration form to get to the end of the week, when I learned he was on those sites paying money!

During the False R "unholidays", DD actually clicked on it when using one of his electronics and he reamed her out for opening it. It was very sad for me to see her anguish and know what it felt like, but that it was caused again by him.

Rella posted 8/8/2013 15:13 PM

"Life is short. Why spend it with a lying, cheating, empty shell of a human being??"

Absolutely!!!

krazy8516 posted 8/8/2013 15:16 PM

OMG. I just Googled Ashley Madison, because I saw a 2nd post in this forum which mentioned her (it?). I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS AN ENTIRE WEBSITE DEDICATED TO EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS!!!

WTF? Ohh, I think I'm going to throw up....

Tripletrouble posted 8/8/2013 16:27 PM

My WH was on Adult Friend Finder, which is about the same as AM. When I say that the moment he admitted that was the worst in my entire life by an exponent of 1000 I am not lying. I completely LOST MY MIND. It was the most horrific, humiliating, devastating, shocking, sickening thing I could even have fathomed. I do not possess the vocabulary to describe the horror and shame I have felt. Somehow I also ended up on some mailing list and I get emails daily from hook up sites and other vulgar links. It's a terrible trigger and I can't get it out of my life.

Rella posted 8/9/2013 12:35 PM

(((Triple)))

Tred posted 8/9/2013 12:59 PM

I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS AN ENTIRE WEBSITE DEDICATED TO EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS!!!

Funny, neither did my psychologist. I had heard of it, but didn't pay much attention. Of course I didn't have a psychologist for PTSD until I discovered my wife was a member for 20 months. I always figured it was a site for hookers to advertise for married men (sorta like Craigslist). I was wrong, apparently there are a lot of women out there just looking to give themselves to the most attractive man who messages them with no strings attached. Free sex, no obligations, no responsibilities, no bills, all fantasy. What's the downside? Besides, you don't end up in therapy from being a member, your spouse does. Bonus.

SeeThingsNow1 posted 8/9/2013 13:01 PM

can someone explain to me why i am getting spam from facebook that = " you have two flirts messages on Facebook" and I havent been on that thing for like over a year....why is that popping up and what is it - am afraid to look LOL

sparklezombie posted 8/9/2013 13:29 PM

OMG. I just Googled Ashley Madison, because I saw a 2nd post in this forum which mentioned her (it?). I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS AN ENTIRE WEBSITE DEDICATED TO EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS!!!

Yeah, I found out the hard way and found that WH has an AM account. He says he opened a profile as a women to see if my married friends were cheating on their spouses (so I would see that their marriages aren't perfect), but I find that hard to believe. And even if it's true, it's just twisted and still not okay.

Rella posted 8/9/2013 16:35 PM

Yeah, I found out the hard way and found that WH has an AM account. He says he opened a profile as a women to see if my married friends were cheating on their spouses (so I would see that their marriages aren't perfect), but I find that hard to believe. And even if it's true, it's just twisted and still not okay.

As far as I'm concerned, there is only one simple reason why anyone would visit that site... because the thought is already planted and WS is trying to form a plan of action.

Ashland13 posted 8/9/2013 16:54 PM

This was part of the minimalizing that Nearly exh did. He would say, "Oh sure, I went on there, but never signed up."

Not too believable, nowadays.

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