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Meltdown in the supermarket

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Wool94 posted 8/3/2017 13:06 PM

Your story bought a huge smile to my face today.

osxgirl posted 8/3/2017 14:21 PM

Glad I could help! Now, just don't forget to leave a trail of breadcrumbs in the store so you can find your way back out.

Of course, that means you need to figure out if you want regular, whole wheat, Panko, course, fine, gluten-free.....

k94ever posted 8/3/2017 14:26 PM

Ohfor, you made those ladies day.


k9

Jeaniegirl posted 8/3/2017 15:11 PM

I love this topic. I think it was great for the angel woman to help you out. I've had the same thing happen to me -- from guardian angel guys in Home Depot. We've all had to learn how to do new things. While I was in undergrad, I worked at an electronics plant so I know a little about tools - but just basic. I'm finding WAYS to get things done that are non-conventional. For instance it's time to renew my home owner's insurance and they came out to take new pictures. I had a small tree on the side of my home that had to come down. One thing I am terrified of is a chain saw. I just know I'd cut off an arm or leg! I'm slightly under 5 foot and 100lbs. but did you know a tree can me bent down by swinging on it, breaking it at the base and putting stump killer on what's left?

In addition, the shrubs at the front of my home were too high and rubbing the roof edge and insurance agent said they had to be trimmed. So - got a ladder and trimmed what I could and then pondered how to get to the top to trim. Figured out if I took a heavy yard rake and put it up to the top, then pull down and let the rake dangle, I could trim the hedges in a fairly straight line. DRAGNHEART, are you reading this, I know YOU are short too.

So nice of those ladies to help you. We all have to help each other and there is a wealth of info here on SI on how to get things done.

ohforanewme posted 8/3/2017 15:39 PM

osxgirl


Just

Jeaniegirl, your ingenuity is astounding. A little humbling. You manage all that and I struggle to select eggs.

Please tell me that you are at least a little further out than me.

Jeaniegirl posted 8/3/2017 18:09 PM

I'm way far out longer than you. It gets better. Just follow my favorite motto: "If it is to be it's up to me" and then get 'er done.

BJE49 posted 8/4/2017 03:26 AM

Ohforanewme, remember what I said about your DD in another post being more of an adult thinking lady rather than her young age belies.

Well Iím not saying that she set you up with this well meaning and helpful lady (more about that later) as I canít see that as being feasible for her to set up, but hey! I could be wrong, but I do think she did set you up with the shopping trip, she is brighter than the brightest star that one (DD), nor am I saying she is a scheming little minx, she just knows you better than you know yourself methinks, she knows exactly what you need to get you back out there and capable of looking after yourself once again, she is a jewel my friend a bright shinning beautiful jewel, and a credit to you as being her father.

Now back to this well meaning and helpful lady, did you thank her for her help, explain perhaps the circumstances as to why you were having to shop on your own, by that I mean no wife to do it with you anymore.

If you are interested in meeting her again, even if itís just to buy her a coffee and say thank you, for she may be married, and just a really nice caring person, if she isnít married then? Did she use her phone to call DD, if so with a bit of luck her number may still be on DDs phone? If not, all you can do is as you say keep returning to shop there and hope you bump into her again, but if you can get her number then give her a call say you are going shopping again and would she like to help you, so you can buy her a coffee afterwards and thank her properly, as you were so stunned/shocked to meet such a lovely helpful lady the last time you were left not thinking straight, and would like the opportunity to put that right.

Regards BJE49

[This message edited by BJE49 at 3:28 AM, August 4th (Friday)]

ohforanewme posted 8/4/2017 07:08 AM

Well†


I have just experienced what one of you we relating with respect to the bread.†


We are heading to the lodge as soon as 2PP get off school in a few minutes.†


While I did the main shop on Wednesday evening, being the good planner that she is, DD realised that we would want fresh bread for the weekend so I was to dash in for just that on my way home from work.†


There are several whole aisles just for bread!


Unfortunately wonderful woman was nowhere to be seen but this time I was not going to wimp out. Got into decisive me mode and decided to get something I would like.†


Well, we have bread for the weekend. †6 loaves of bread. †There is long, crusty French, heat and eat Ciabatta, easy bake cheese and tomato spiral, Ouma's (granny in Afrikaans ) Cape style health bread, low GI (need to consider the family's health ) and the fallback sliced, high fibre whole wheat. Oh, I think that might be 7. †


I think I am beginning to understand why WW never let me go shopping on my own.

Thanks BJE I think DD is a super star too

[This message edited by ohforanewme at 3:01 PM, August 4th (Friday)]

ohforanewme posted 8/4/2017 07:15 AM

BJE, was in a hurry to get the car packed.

I used my phone to call DD. Did say a hurried and slightly bashful thanks but agree that I should do it properly.

Will keep an eye out and make sure that I handle it a little more like a confident gentleman.

Thanks again

[This message edited by ohforanewme at 3:02 PM, August 4th (Friday)]

BrokenheartedUK posted 8/4/2017 07:44 AM

I absolutely love the vulnerability in this post. Like you get to the supermarket and you're overwhelmed with choices but underneath that there is this low hum of "I can't believe this is my life, and now I have to decide which bloody eggs to buy and my wife who used to do all of this has betrayed me and our children by extension and now I have to do EVERYTHING and feel the pain of that betrayal on top."

I did pretty much everything in the family from food shopping, planning and cooking to organizing the children's schedules and activities and literally everything in between. My Ex took out the trash. In our marital home, the driveway was a long track to the road where the bins needed to be once a week, on a Thursday morning. After I kicked him out, I would take the bins down to the road and cry red hot tears of rage about it. It was insanely irrational on one level, but on another I just felt so alone carrying the entire show on my shoulders.

You're doing great. Every little progression is a step forward even when it doesn't feel like it.

osxgirl posted 8/4/2017 13:42 PM

Well, we have bread for the weekend. 6 loaves of bread. There is long, crusty French, heat and eat Ciabatta, easy bake cheese and tomato spiral, Ouma's (granny in Afrikaans ) Cape style health bread, low GI (need to consider the family's health ) and the fallback sliced, high fibre whole wheat. Oh, I think that might be 7.

Ummm, I was KIDDING about the bread crumbs.... but it looks like you will now be locked and loaded for you NEXT trip!

ohforanewme posted 8/4/2017 15:00 PM

BJE


Sorry for being so curt earlier. †I was rushing to get everything in the car. The traffic around home can get so bad later in the afternoon that if we get away after 3 in the afternoon a 2 hour trip to the lodge can easily become a 3 hour trip.


Well, we are safely at the lodge, unpacked and OhFor won back some of his domestic capability confidence by making supper for 2PP. †it was freshly baked bread and fresh creamy butternut soup.†


The "after A me" has committed to living a brutally honest life, so I suppose that I will have to admit that DD had pureed the butternut, the sweet potatoes, the apples, carrots and the onions and had them in separate zip lock bags. †The same with the seasoning. †So all I had to do was season and simmer. †Pretty much the same with the bread. †Bake for 10 minutes, but at least I knew what temperature to get it to.


Now that I have a moment, I reread your post. †I really appreciate it. †In my other thread I said that I would wait years before I would even think about any sort of relationship for myself. †For now 2PP will be my focus. †I really meant it when I wrote it, but I have to say, that after Wednesday'sencounter, †I felt that even just a friendship with someone like that would be enjoyable. †


When I read your suggestion, I realised that my subconscious has been reflecting on it, and with considerable pleasure. †When I read your suggestion about an invitation to coffee as a way of expressing gratitude, I felt growing anticipation.†


I have realised that I did notice that she was not wearing a ring. †That is not something that I have ever noticed or looked for before. †Of course, that might mean nothing. †There mightbe an SO. †


I think that is immaterial, after several weeks of only me and the kids, even just friendship and conversation at an adult †level, †would be welcome now,†


This is all so new to me so the coaching is really appreciated.†


BHUK, isn't the salve and solace, that one gets from knowing that the trials you are facing are not unique, rather wonderful. †To know that, where we are, it is ok to find moving dustbins or setting sprinklers or choosing canned tomatoes, †a bridge too far. †It is so helpful to have these experiences shared so that we have the perspective that, when you have faced and conquered so much, it is quite understandable that one more unknown might be greater than the remaining reserve at that point. †And when you get to that point, it is quite acceptable to ask for help from angel lady.


I am not sure if the rules of the site allow me to do this. †If I have crossed a line and someone tells me, I will edit and remove, but there is a Web Cam at the hide at the lodge and I thought that some might find it interesting seeing what we might see at the water hole this weekend.†


The link is;

http://africafreak.com/live-african-wildlife-webcams/kwa-maritane/


Here's t o hopping for a few interesting visors

PS. The connection out here is at carrier pigeon speed so won't be checking in too often

BJE49 posted 8/5/2017 07:39 AM

Ohforanewme

Sorry for being so curt earlier.

Didnít even enter my head, so nothing to apologise for my friend.

The "after A me" has committed to living a brutally honest life, so I suppose that I will have to admit that DD had pureed the butternut, the sweet potatoes, the apples, carrots and the onions and had them in separate zip lock bags. The same with the seasoning. So all I had to do was season and simmer. Pretty much the same with the bread. Bake for 10 minutes, but at least I knew what temperature to get it to.

Found this so funny but honest by you, donít worry as you will learn to cook for yourself, lots of single guys I know use the ping cooking method, you bung it in the microwave, set timer, press start and ďPINGĒ itís ready, ha ha!
No seriously though I donít know if you can or have ever cooked for the family or yourself, as being an ex chef (left catering years ago) myself this has never been a problem for me, but really it isnít that hard if you plan it, Iím here if you need tips.

In my other thread I said that I would wait years before I would even think about any sort of relationship for myself. For now 2PP will be my focus. I really meant it when I wrote it, but I have to say, that after Wednesday's encounter, I felt that even just a Now that I have a moment, I reread your post. I really appreciate it. In my other thread I said that I would wait years before I would even think about any sort of relationship for myself. For now 2PP will be my focus. I really meant it when I wrote it, but I have to say, that after Wednesday's encounter, I felt that even just a friendship with someone like that would be enjoyable.


Totally agree, you need some adult time as well as the kidís time, they are both very important to get you through this

When I read your suggestion, I realised that my subconscious has been reflecting on it, and with considerable pleasure. When I read your suggestion about an invitation to coffee as a way of expressing gratitude, I felt growing anticipation.

I have realised that I did notice that she was not wearing a ring. That is not something that I have ever noticed or looked for before. Of course, that might mean nothing. There might be an SO.

I think that is immaterial, after several weeks of only me and the kids, even just friendship and conversation at an adult level, would be welcome now.

Totally agree again even if it only leads to an adult friendship and conversation.

This is all so new to me so the coaching is really appreciated.

Ohforanewme, thanks for wanting my coaching,I'll do my best but Iím no expert, the making of new friends isnít a problem with me, but if it came to wanting to take it further than just a friendship with a certain lady, I may have problem nowadays as Iíve never had to do that for so long(happily married) but I firmly believe when others say itís just like learning to ride a bicycle again, you get on the saddle push down on the pedal and it all comes flooding back, itís the getting up the courage to ask, you know that little bit in between that would terrify me, are you the same.

Regards BJE49

[This message edited by BJE49 at 7:43 AM, August 5th (Saturday)]

ramius posted 8/7/2017 00:16 AM

Ok that woman at the store sounds like an angel. Either she is just the nicest most helpful person.....or she saw something she liked. Or both.

Either way I would suggest you find reasons to park yourself at that store and keep a sharp eye.

ohforanewme posted 8/7/2017 11:07 AM

Ramius, on the point of her being the nicest, most helpful person, that is a certainty. In terms of maybe she liked something she saw. Well that would be oh so nice. And on the suggestion of finding a way to park myself in that store. It is exactly what I am going to do.

There is a coffee shop right at the entrance to the store. My position is not one where I am required to be in the office every day and quite often I plant myself in a coffee shop or hotel lounge, power up the laptop and spend the day working in a pleasant environment, that has piped music and an endless supply of good coffee. Unfortunately, I am out of the country on business for the rest of the week but I have already booked a number of half days next week where my trusty laptop and I will be working from a certain coffee shop. More about that at the end of the post.

The SI team are quite astounding. Seeing that I am away for most of this week I managed to get some IC time in early this morning. Given all the issues that have arisen since me telling STBXWW about my D decision, I have been trying to fit as much IC in as possible.

I often let him know what I have posted on SI as I use the site as my emergency IC, to help me get through issues when I canít speak them through with him. I talked him through my supermarket meltdown experience, hoping that he could help me with strategies to ensure that I can avoid, or at least, better cope with, public meltdowns in the future. (Squid and SuperDaddy, I am so sorry that you also experienced meltdowns this past week but I find such strange comfort knowing that I am not alone in this).

IC said that that was not worth spending too much time on. It is part of the process and should not be suppressed. Instead, he took the session where so many of you had. He forced me to look at how I was given a golden opportunity, to at least explore engagement with an adult of the opposite sex, and not only had I not capitalised on the opportunity, I had not even seen it as being one. He has concerns here and is going to make this the focus of the next few sessions.

I had shared my ďmultiverseĒ experience with him and he related the two incidents. I came out of that swearing that I would not even think of allowing myself to be open to another relationship till 2PP are both finished with university. Then, on this one, I am blind to a perfect opportunity to, at the very least, establish a new friendship as ďnewly independent meĒ and possibly, the first one that would not be associated with WW or that period of my life.

I said somewhere, I think in anther post, Introspection is a bitch. Boy, introspection is a bitch. We explored both incidents and IC sees that my determination to put my kids first, while good and as it should be, is being used by me to hide deep insecurities and sheer TERROR.

I am terrified of the prospect of having to date. I will do anything and everything I can, to sabotage any opportunity that may arise. He says that I will go as far as lying to myself on this if necessary. I will lie to myself that it is not something I really want. We explored and, while he concluded it, I concurred. I honestly do want to put 2PP first in my life right now, but when I posted that in the JFO thread, most of the motivation was so that I could justify doing everything possible not to even try to establish any opposite sex friendships or relationships. The real reasons behind that post was that, right now, I so strongly associate love with crushing hurt. Added to this, I so dread the prospect of dating, I would rather just stay away from it, even if deep inside, companionship is something I desperately long for. He says that in doing this I am setting myself up to become a lifelong burden to 2PP. He is almost certain that DD is already seeing this (remember, he is caring for them in their IC as well), as some of you have already suggested here and in the JFO thread.

We explored my fear. Argh, the agony of IC. Going and opening those festering sores that you have so carefully covered and hidden.

I am terrified of the prospect of what establishing new relationships would entail.

I am 24 years out of all of that. Actually longer. 24 years married and 4 years as committed sweethearts. This is a different era. The era of online dating. Just imagine my online dating profile? Most of it off putting and then all the potentially good bits come with riders that completely negate any of the potential good.

Divorced father with 2 kids. Carrying the deep scars and all the baggage that comes from the experience of the infidelity by oneís wife. A rather sweet and fiercely loyal chap. Reliable and determined. Slightly awkward, mostly invisible, short (5í9 so say goodbye to all of your favourite heels in your cupboard). In very good physical shape, but this is mostly due to the infidelity diet and that gym and exceptionally long walks are experienced by him as his best anti-depressants. Financially, reasonably comfortably well off but this will be reduced somewhat by whoring WW taking a sizeable slice. Most of what is then left has already been secured for the kids. Know that you will always come second to the kids. The other current passion is a 2007 Honda Jazz (Fit in US) that takes up considerable evening and weekend time and leaves him somewhat oily when done. Loves to travel, but many, oh so many, of the worldís most interesting and exotic cities will be off limits as those are the ones where WW played the whore. Loves theater, classical concerts and the arts, but here again, public meltdowns in many, oh so many, are almost guaranteed, since they will carry the memory of whoring WW. Likely a sexual incompetent. Only ever been with one woman and must have been so bad with her that she had to go and find something better with several other partners. Sure I donít need to go on any further. You have gotten the picture by now. I donít think that I would get even one taker with that.

And that is why I am going to work at the coffee shop for a few weeks.

During my mushroom meltdown I shared with lovely lady that I was in the predicament where I was because 2PP and I were having to learn to fend for ourselves because WW and I were separated and headed to D because she had cheated on me several times. Means she knows about all the baggage. She knows what I look like and that I am prone to the occasional melt down. And yet she did not run.

You donít need to give me all the warnings about not setting myself up for hurt but placing too much expectation on this as I know next to nothing about her. Being so utterly lovely there is a good chance of a SO. I fully realise that. But just having the opportunity to have coffee with someone. The opportunity to get to know a little more about them. Their story. Will be great. What good practice for when I get up the courage to start dating? And what better cover for the invitation than doing the gentlemanly thing of expressing gratitude for the much appreciated assistance. We already have some readymade discussion points. I can let her know just how delicious DDís pastrami, mushroom, parmesan and herb fettuccini was.

Wish me courage and luck.

CharliB posted 8/7/2017 13:20 PM

@ohforanewme:
I think you are being too hard on yourself.
This coming from someone who has just as much baggage or more.
Everyone has baggage and I think you are dealing with yours extremely well.
I think you are wise to let this woman know about your baggage. She can already make an informed decision wether to engage with you further or not. Stay truthful and vulnerable.
Wishing you courage. You don't need luck.

5454real posted 8/7/2017 15:16 PM

Oh4, online dating? Who needs that?

Go shopping.

On a more serious note? Yep, be VERY careful, you are seriously *fresh meat* to predators who will be able to sense your vulnerabilities and play to them. Nothing attracts broken like broken.

Strength

GGFinisHLast posted 8/7/2017 15:25 PM

Ouch, you're downright cruel to yourself. I was thinking about building a dating profile the other day and thought I was being hard on myself, but you've really shown me up. How many single people at our ages don't have some baggage? It's okay to be more positive about yourself.

I do agree the idea of dating is frightening, but I also wonder how can it be more horrible than working to R? I don't think you need to dive in fast, but you should get past the fear. It sounds like you're coming around to it. Work out your approach and go for it. Don't be afraid to fail spectacularly; it'll be a learning experience.

Good Luck!

beauchateaux posted 8/8/2017 00:58 AM

Ohfor, maybe you should allow someone else to write your profile, lol. Here, I'll give it a try - I do write ads for a living (not THESE ads, but it's all selling something, right??):

"Divorced father with 2 wonderful kids whom I adore and looking for a partner with whom to share my already lovely life. Came through a rough year stronger and happier than ever and with a deeper understanding than I've ever had before of the true meaning of love and commitment. A rather sweet and fiercely loyal chap (see? That was good - BC). Reliable and determined. In very good physical shape, due to my newfound love of the gym as a meditation technique and exceptionally long walks in gorgeous parks near where I live, reasonably comfortably well off even after paying my dues. My kids are the most precious things to me. The other current passion is a 2007 Honda Jazz (Fit in US) that takes up considerable manly tinkering time and leaves me needing a shower, a cuddle and a glass of good wine when I'm done working on it. Love to travel to places to create GOOD memories. Loves theater, classical concerts and the arts, and I cry at some because I'm just THAT sensitive of a man. I'm a one-woman man, and all my attention and effort - in every aspect of our relationship - will go to her. I'm looking for a woman who knows her eggs...(no, wait - scratch that, don't say that)...I'm looking for a woman who will share the experience of shopping and cooking with me and will put up with my ignorance about types of bread and mushrooms."

SEE? Come on, now. That wasn't even hard and I don't even KNOW you personally. Feel free to use this, it's not copywrit.

If there's one thing I've learned, in life and even from these boards in the past year, it's to NOT rule anything out arbitrarily. Live your life...you've earned it. Good luck, friend!

[This message edited by beauchateaux at 12:58 AM, August 8th (Tuesday)]

BJE49 posted 8/8/2017 08:48 AM

ohforanewme, don't keep putting yourself down like that, every body on here knows you are miles better than that, it's a shame that your EXW can't see you in the same light that we can, good luck at the coffee shop by the way.

Regards BJE49

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