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Where do I go from here? Separated.

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Marz posted 8/17/2018 18:07 PM

Keeping contact will just keep you in limbo.

The only one who can keep you in this is you.

NoSelf posted 8/17/2018 20:53 PM

I could be wrong here, but I have read many times that it is possible to do a DNA/paternity test just from a simple blood test of the pregnant woman. Maybe someone with more experience and/or knowledge can jump in.

ETA: google search prenatal paternity blood test and you will find a lot of into on the test.

From my google results:
“Yes, you can get a paternity test while pregnant, and the safest way to do so is with a Non-Invasive DNA Prenatal Paternity test (NIPP). This test requires only a blood sample from the mother and a simple cheek swab from the possible father, and can be performed as early as eight (8) weeks into the pregnancy.”

Hope that helps.

[This message edited by NoSelf at 9:43 PM, August 17th (Friday)]

Surprised87 posted 8/18/2018 01:15 AM

If cost isn't a problem, Non-Invasive DNA Prenatal Paternity test is an option. It's a bit costly, but I had it done with my wife.

max2018 posted 8/18/2018 04:08 AM

I'm back to square one, where now I just want to get back with her. It's taking every ounce of myself to tell myself to take a step back. I don't know if this is even my baby she's carrying. I'm really hoping she isn't lying to me again.


she is playing with you

she needs an ATM and a babysitter

you need nc as much as you can to heal and clear your head

FamilyMan75 posted 8/20/2018 23:20 PM

Things have been hectic. My mom flat out told me that my daughter wasn't mine and that I was in denial if I think my wife hasn't been cheating on me. I told her she looks more like her mom's side of the family, and the red hair was recessive. I hate lying to my parents, but my condo (short term lease) I'm moving too isn't ready until September 15, so just buying time. I might end up telling her the truth, but I don't want tension with my eldest daughter around.

max2018 posted 8/21/2018 05:03 AM

you know what man I got give to you


your too good to be true in this world

max2018 posted 8/21/2018 05:03 AM

sorry

[This message edited by max2018 at 5:03 AM, August 21st (Tuesday)]

Lalagirl posted 8/21/2018 12:21 PM

she is playing with you

she needs an ATM and a babysitter

Ah those words of honey...they are indeed tempting.

So you gave in...ok...shit happens...hop back on the NC train.

My mom flat out told me that my daughter wasn't mine and that I was in denial if I think my wife hasn't been cheating on me.

Which DD?

Why are you not being transparent with your mom about your WW's infidelity?

You are conflict avoidant in every sense. I don't say that to be mean; I say it to implore you to get IC.

You can stay with your WW and sweep all of this away...but I promise, she will do this again...lather, rinse, repeat. And who loses? Your soul. Your life. You only get one.

max2018 posted 8/21/2018 13:05 PM

Which DD?

the oldest

[This message edited by max2018 at 1:06 PM, August 21st (Tuesday)]

Dismayed2012 posted 8/21/2018 14:17 PM

"...be at the hospital for the birth. I said that'd be an exception."

What exception? There are no exceptions. It's her affair partner's kid. In order for her to come to a place where she's willing to evaluate her life she needs the one thing that you're not giving her. Consequences.

Where'd you hide your resolve FM75? She must have some addictive stuff between her legs. No man can resist it, including you apparently.

[This message edited by Dismayed2012 at 2:23 PM, August 21st (Tuesday)]

FamilyMan75 posted 8/21/2018 14:29 PM

There is some confusion. My mother suspects the baby (the one that is actually not mine) is not mine. She knows deep down I'm sure but I'm denying because I don't want to tell her. If that makes me conflict avoidance, then fine, but I don't see telling them right now doing any good. They don't know, they have suspected about her cheating. They don't even know she was a former stripper. The baby, my daughter doesn't deserve to be treated differently.

As for the youngest, it isn't known who the father is. I'm 75% sure I am because during the time of conception we had a lot of sex. Not to say she didn't go out and sleep around during that short window. But I'm looking into that prenatal DNA testing that has been recommended here, and hopefully get an answer soon. I want to be excited.

[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 2:31 PM, August 21st (Tuesday)]

Dismayed2012 posted 8/21/2018 14:44 PM

She still needs consequences but you have to decide what's best for you and the kids. So whatever choice you make, just make sure you're not coerced. It kinda sounds like you're feeling better.

[This message edited by Dismayed2012 at 2:45 PM, August 21st (Tuesday)]

ChamomileTea posted 8/21/2018 18:34 PM

I don't know why you wouldn't be more forthcoming with your mom. You need all the real life emotional support you can get right now what with your WW twisting you up like a pretzel whenever she takes a notion. And unless your mom is a monster, she's done nothing to deserve being lied to. Lord knows you understand how that feels, to be lied to over and over again.

We'll still be here whatever you decide, but truly, give some consideration to building a real life support network.

FamilyMan75 posted 8/21/2018 19:18 PM

I don't want anyone, in general, to know about my daughter's true paternity. If I tell he while I'm temporarily staying with her, she will react badly. I don't need my daughter to know that her sister was conceived while her mother was having an affair. She is too young, and to a fault, not mature enough to comprehend that. I can just see this ending badly. I agree I need some support but I just don't see how I can gather support from my family, and have them still treat the baby the same way.

ChamomileTea posted 8/21/2018 21:42 PM

Have you considered some support groups for divorce care or single dads?

Lalagirl posted 8/22/2018 06:34 AM

I don't know why you wouldn't be more forthcoming with your mom. You need all the real life emotional support you can get right now what with your WW twisting you up like a pretzel whenever she takes a notion. And unless your mom is a monster, she's done nothing to deserve being lied to. Lord knows you understand how that feels, to be lied to over and over again.

We'll still be here whatever you decide, but truly, give some consideration to building a real life support network.

I agree, but I also understand where you're coming from, FamilyMan.

Have you considered some support groups for divorce care or single dads?

This may be a better route for you at present.

I don't need my daughter to know that her sister was conceived while her mother was having an affair. She is too young, and to a fault, not mature enough to comprehend that.

Understood. But if the baby is not yours and you know your middle child is not yours...down the road - like way down the road, all of your kids are probably going to get DNA tests from Ancestry or 23 & Me as it's all the rage these days and DNA testing will be even more precise than it is at present. They'll find out later - as many have in the past 5-10 years because of DNA testing - that they're not who they were told they were. It's devastating to say the least. Just something to think about.

You came here for help and advice - it has been given to you for pages...good, sage advice from your fellow SI folk who have BTDT to one degree or another. Obviously you can take what you need and leave the rest and we are not here to judge; we just know how this goes and we're a bit passionate with our advice and opinions sometimes. However, I do implore you to come back to this thread from time to time and re-read it and take some of it into consideration.

Wishing you the very best - and I mean that with all sincerity.

Lala

edited for typo

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 6:35 AM, August 22nd (Wednesday)]

Butforthegrace posted 8/22/2018 07:50 AM

I would caution you that, under the law of many states, a child born to a married woman during a marriage is legally considered the child of the husband unless the husband promptly takes steps to renounce paternity.

Assuming the two of you will legally divorce at some point, if the child is deemed yours, you will be responsible for paying child support.

FamilyMan75 posted 8/23/2018 15:37 PM

Prenatal DNA testing is costly, but I'm going to bring it up today, and she is at the point in her pregnancy that it can be done. If she hesitates then I know for sure she has been sleeping around. If she doesn't we can set it up and get it out of the way.

[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 3:44 PM, August 23rd (Thursday)]

FamilyMan75 posted 8/24/2018 15:54 PM

My sister and cousin ran into my wife today. They didn't say what they talked about but said they noticed she was wearing her wedding ring and asked me what I thought about it. They used the words she dumped you but has the audacity to still wear her ring. I told them I still wear mine. I know I should take my band off but I just don't want too. On a side note, I asked my wife this morning about getting the non-invasive prenatal DNA test and her just to tell her when and where.

Dismayed2012 posted 8/24/2018 16:04 PM

Normally I'd say to men who have faithful wives, support your wife over your family. In your case, you should be supporting your family and their concerns over your wife. Don't forget that they'll be there for you long after your wife has dumped you (if she dumps you). Don't alienate your family. They're the last honest friends you have in this world. They're standing up for you even in the midst of what some would call, bad decisions. Hold them close; you need them.

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