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Support and Where to go from here?Advice

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Robert22205https posted 9/11/2018 19:20 PM

Baby? Did you DNA test the baby?

Did you separate your bank accounts?

Only communicate regarding your kids. Otherwise don't respond by text or engage in verbal chats.

Full steam ahead with the D and get her to agree to custody and finances while she's in dream world and happy to be free to pursue her affair.

Stevesn posted 9/11/2018 19:42 PM

Just reply with something like:

“It is clear that you no longer are in love with me or care to be married to me. While i still love you and am in love with you, i won’t be with someone who is in love with someone else and not me. Therefore I’ll be taking the steps necessary to end our marriage.

If you need to talk to me about our daughter I will be glad to discuss. Anything else please consider yourself on your own and I will do the same as your actions have ended our marriage.

I can not work to fix a marriage with someone who is not Remorseful at all for hurting me.

My goal is to get out from your infidelity and find happiness. Right now it appears to my my only path to do so is without you.”


And leave it at that. Do what you need to make that happen. Continue working with IC an the lawyer. Focus only on your DD and not your WW. Do not do her any favors or ask any of her.

This is what her actions have shown you she wants. Watch her actions and not her words. They will show you the truth.

If she wants to know what she needs to do to fix things I and others can give you a list of almost 30 things that she’s have to do to make you consider R. At this point she doesn’t seem interested so unfortunately you need to act accordingly.

You’re doing well. Keep it up.

Marz posted 9/11/2018 19:42 PM

No response or engagement is best.

Your silence is golden to you right now.

NC is your only good path.

Words/talk are meaningless and only validate her.

Take that away

[This message edited by Marz at 7:43 PM, September 11th (Tuesday)]

EyesOpened50 posted 9/12/2018 08:28 AM

You're doing so well, may not feel like it all the time but she isn't seeing the bigger picture - she may or may not in the future! Be careful not to be drawn back in, without the resolve you actually need! There's no remorse and just ignore the 're-writing of marital history'. I only wish I'd been this strong to sort out the issues at the time, one way or the other! Keep moving forward and get what you need and for your daughter too!

Lalagirl posted 9/12/2018 12:26 PM

Silence. Speaks. VOLUMES.

She cannot have the best of both worlds - gets her D and can still use the car, have you bring her cigs (glad it "didn't cross your mind" - well played, sir)

Crickets.

When it comes to matters that you have to discuss (kids)and she give you shit, the classic yet effective response, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Hang in there...she's not going to give up easily or play nice. That is why you have legal counsel.

LivingWithPain posted 9/12/2018 13:02 PM

You did exactly right by only responding when it was your son in need. Your WW fired you from your role as husband, so as far as you should be concerned, all husbandly duties towards her have ended. She gets no more privileges. You are only a father and co-parent now. Keep working that angle until it becomes a habit.

Michigan posted 9/12/2018 16:09 PM

If I were limited to one word to describe your wife it would be entitled.

You were so reliable that she thought of you as a public utility that would always be there supplying boring husband things no matter what she did.

She is the teenager and you are her dad that has to provide her basic needs. I’m sure she views herself as a victim in all of this.

Dyokemm posted 9/12/2018 18:05 PM

Do not respond to her nonsense.

And she will probably come at you to try to guilt trip you soon if you keep up this 180.....

Something along the lines of saying she thought you were all in and wanted to win her back, and that the D is all your fault and choice.

Just tell her you decided you didn’t want to ‘win’ back a traitorous and unremorseful cheat.....you can do better.

jesebeard posted 9/20/2018 03:42 AM

You did exactly right by only responding when it was your son in need. Your WW fired you from your role as husband, so as far as you should be concerned, all husbandly duties towards her have ended. She gets no more privileges. You are only a father and co-parent now. Keep working that angle until it becomes a habit.

I would certainly agree with this. She doesn't have the right anymore since she did not choose to reconcile. You only did what you think is necessary. Good job!

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