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New Beginnings :
addicted to love???

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frustrated

 turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 4:10 PM on Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

I miss saying good morning and sweet dreams every night! I miss the companionship. I miss the oddest and most mundane outings that turned into memories for life. I miss holding hands. I miss laughing together.I miss sex. I miss feeling warm and safe. This new beginning has been difficult to move on from. I miss my love! Its too bad she walked away. Its too bad for me as well as her. I am whole, I am worth it, and I will survive (grateful dead tune not gloria gaynor )This withdrawal is hard!

me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

posts: 334   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2011   ·   location: milwaukee
id 6263792
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gahurts ( member #33699) posted at 4:16 PM on Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

I hear ya man. I could have written this post. It's rough but you will get through it and someday you will find the right woman who will love you for who you are and be there for you. And so will I.

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie

posts: 3991   ·   registered: Oct. 22nd, 2011   ·   location: Georgia
id 6263800
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 turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 5:01 PM on Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

good attitude gahurts, good attitude!

me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

posts: 334   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2011   ·   location: milwaukee
id 6263862
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hurtinky ( member #26152) posted at 7:17 PM on Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

I don't think missing all of that means you are addicted to love. It means that you appreciated and cherished it.

You will experience it again.

Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12


posts: 1500   ·   registered: Nov. 11th, 2009   ·   location: Kentucky
id 6264087
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 turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 11:21 PM on Tuesday, March 19th, 2013

Thanks! I wonder sometimes! Fingers crossed!

me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

posts: 334   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2011   ·   location: milwaukee
id 6264479
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lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 12:10 AM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

Think of it as having something to look forward to when you do find that someone special

No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.

posts: 22643   ·   registered: Mar. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Houston
id 6264534
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dlmos ( member #36839) posted at 1:43 AM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

I too could have written this post. We will get there, just have to keep our eyes open.

BH (32)
DS - 7, DD - 6
Divorced

posts: 461   ·   registered: Sep. 16th, 2012   ·   location: Fort Worth,Texas
id 6264631
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Amazonia ( member #32810) posted at 1:57 AM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

Me too. That's why I put a tshirt on my body pillow. Now I talk to it.

...just kidding.

I do miss it too. One of my girl friends understands, so sometimes I send her stupid texts as good mornings or good nights and the like. She's very nice about it.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

posts: 14469   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2011
id 6264653
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ManBearDivorce ( member #36258) posted at 2:26 AM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

(((turned123)))

Almost a year ago now I was in your train of thought. Thinking about and pondering about the very same thing. Both of us are similar though, We both believed we are well worth it and we will survive. We both never gave up. I wish you well on your journey. These dips and dives of emotions will get better. Just never give up! I'm pulling for you!

posts: 342   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2012   ·   location: St.Paul Minnesota
id 6264694
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 turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 3:30 AM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

Thank you all! There are so many problems and hardships in this world that my pain seems so trivial then other times it is right in the forefront of my mind. Someday my confidence will return. Someday I will not think about her but it was not today. Tomorrow is another day to try!

T shirt on my pillow at least a tshirt won't snore!

me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

posts: 334   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2011   ·   location: milwaukee
id 6264794
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birdy ( member #30937) posted at 5:15 AM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

I used to feel this way. Now I think of all the positives. Bed to myself, don't have to worry about shaving, all the good stuff. Time helps.

posts: 152   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2011
id 6264894
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gma56 ( member #19595) posted at 5:25 AM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

I don't think you are addicted but deserving.

It takes awhile not being a couple and missing all the good part of marriage. When you get yourself healthy and healed, you will have all that and more if that is still what you want in your life. You'll be ready for that special lady when she enters your life.

Gma

BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

posts: 20502   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2008   ·   location: Closer to where I want to be..
id 6264906
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 turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 5:40 AM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

Background is key right? I posted here because this was the first time since my marriage that I opened my heart and gave it a try with all of my being! That's why it has been so difficult! There have been so many threads about 'my picker is broken' that it makes me wonder! Am I too quick to give myself?? It is a bit telling to me when I admit that not ounce have I ever broken up with a woman. I have always believed that hard work, communication and understanding was the key to making relationships work. Have I been kidding myself or am I the common thread in all of this that has a faulty approach?? Ugh! I have more work to do!

me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

posts: 334   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2011   ·   location: milwaukee
id 6264913
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ManBearDivorce ( member #36258) posted at 4:58 PM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

Not every life is going to be planned to the seconds. I was too confident in mine that I had chosen a great wife too. But guess what? Nothing is planned. You may never really know the women. Too many variables to know what happened in the relationship to cause all this. Just know what YOU would do in the relationship and build trust that the other person would do the same back. Some people may be great when you first start but dig themselves a hole. Some you meet already in a hole. Just have to choose and do what YOU can only. Have faith in yourself and never give up! Smiles!

posts: 342   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2012   ·   location: St.Paul Minnesota
id 6265386
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 turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 7:42 PM on Wednesday, March 20th, 2013

You are absolutely right man bear! I suppose that's why it hurts, we really can't control anything but our own emotions.

me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

posts: 334   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2011   ·   location: milwaukee
id 6265625
default

heartbroken_kk ( member #22722) posted at 5:49 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2013

I'm with you on missing all that stuff too. I simply think that I prefer a lifestyle where I am half of a loving couple. I LIKE being "coupled" and all the warm fuzzy benefits that come with it. My dog helps. A lot. Especially when she farts in bed and reminds me of the downside.

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

posts: 2540   ·   registered: Feb. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: California
id 6268294
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TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 7:22 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2013

I don't know if I would call it an addiction per say. It's just all the things that you know that make you happy. It's what you want to have in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have that and missing it when you don't.

Hang in there, with that mindset you will find someone who will want to share those same things. It's just a matter of time.

XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

posts: 10077   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Texas
id 6268495
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 turned123 (original poster member #33663) posted at 4:27 AM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

Back to that dreaded word time! I do miss it but not the farting in bed It's getting better but it's still not easy to avoid those thoughts of what could have been. I know that out there somewhere there is someone who will fall in love with me and I with her! Someday! And if not then my vacations are 1/2 price going forward I do know that I have spent my entire life becoming me and I actually like me! Well mostly!

me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

posts: 334   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2011   ·   location: milwaukee
id 6269116
default

h0peless ( member #36697) posted at 6:34 AM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

I can totally relate. Tomorrow would have been a perfect day to go fossil hunting or to go for a drive in a national monument with the dogs. I miss kissing, cuddling and holding hands. I miss watching Star Trek in bed and giving her a back rub until she falls asleep. Maybe I'll get to do those things with somebody else someday. It's tough losing ten years of history with someone though.

posts: 3136   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2012   ·   location: Baja Arizona
id 6269210
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Pagurl ( member #21978) posted at 1:04 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2013

More than anything I miss the companionship....having someone to talk about how the day went, bouncing ideas off each other, reassuring each others in times of doubt and cuddling. I miss feeling safe and secure.

I just don't know if I can ever recover the ability to put myself out there again. I feel as though it is too risky.

Remarried 3/2019 to a wonderful man.
betrayed in 2006 & again in 2008. Separated 2012 and divorced 2014.
exWH married OW on New Years Eve 2015...now I can say she did me a favor...he's NPD

posts: 408   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2008   ·   location: PA
id 6269273
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