SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So we have been broken up for a month. We are both on the same dating site that shows mutual favorites when she is active, or when she has viewed my profile. Why is she looking at me? She ended it and wants no contact. So why view me?? Now I do know the best choice is to delete her from my favorite list as no contact means no new hurts but why is she looking??? Ugh!

I'm sorry! I really should have included we dated exclusively for a year. I loved her and eventually she decided she couldn't move past 'I like' to ' I love'

If she knows you can see her looking id say she is either A)being a bitch and leading you on or B)she is having second thoughts and wants you to know she still thinks about you ???

I don't know your history but if it was me looking I'd be wanting him to contact me.

Ok so you dated for a long time, if you still like her and think a second chance is worth a go Id contact her and ask her in a cheeky way why she's looking ?? If your not interested just ignore it, good luck and guard your heart either way xxx

Well I did do that after the first week of no contact and got no reply. Why in the world would I secretly hope you are right?

:( you know her best but if you contacted her about it and she ignored you could it be option A?

So you contacted her about her looking at your profile or do you mean just after you broke up ? because I think it would be different contacting her specifically abut her looking at your profile it's kind of a good excuse.

[This message edited by MyVoice at 7:12 PM, March 23rd (Saturday)]

She would not do it out of spite. I sent her text Ina moment of pain and sadness awhile back with no reply. As hard as this is I'm thinking about removing all evidence of her profile as it hurts to see her activity. I should have done this already but as the one whose heart got broken I am holding on for hope which is nutso because grown ups don't play games!?!?

(((turned123))) sounds like you know what you need to do xxx

Yes my voice! Yes! Knowing connecting with the doing is the hang up

Block her. She had her *chance* with you and decided to play games. Next!

And, though it might be wrong of me.....I'm getting some satisfaction out of imagining you actually blocking her and her complete confusion when she can no longer *find* you.

Gonnabe Ofcourse you are right, I'm just tired and sad and blocking will in the short term hurt as its a goodbye AGAIN. But needs to be done!

eta how empowering a view you have! of she had her chance. It implies self worth and confidence! I need to work on those

[This message edited by turned123 at 8:18 PM, March 23rd (Saturday)]

Think of it this way, you're on a dating site presumably to meet someone new. Would you want to date someone who was still pining away for their ex, hoping they will come back?

The only way to move on and be a good partner to someone else is to let go of the past.

Block her and forget her, or stop dating until you can let go.

My .02.

Grown ups do play games, that's why we are all here. Games protect the heart and allow you to treat people anyway you want in the name of self.

She did you a favor and was actually good to you by letting you go if she truly had no long term feelings. She let you go so she could move on, but in reality you can move on to find someone that does love you.

Reminds me of the 'eatloaf song, Two out of three ain't bad.

Even though she may not love you, she still liked you and she may be having trouble moving on. She is healing too from the breakup. Remove her, heal before dating again, or otherwise the next best thing will have her there with you, but in your head.

Good morning! Excellent responses! I blocked her last nite.

Good for you! It could have been a case of "I liked him, I'm curious what he's doing, but he's not the one for me."

So I'm glad you've removed her from view. The point is to find LOVE again. She wasn't the one, as much as you or she wished it could have been.

I hope you DO find love again soon! Now you've cleared the path.

I will survive, I believe your assessment to be accurate and true. After being exclusive for 6 months I took a hard look at things and decided I did love her and told her. She never arrived at that crossroad until another 6 months passed when it became clear to her. Some thoughts(which have been said) are at least we did not continue on to marriage and all of those complications. The mixed signals were difficult in hindsight. She discussed very long range plans enthusiastically to the point of looking at new homes. So while it is becoming more clear why this didn't work it still was a bit shocking. From a selfish view point she should not have allowed some of those discussions to take place being 'in like' and I wish she would have figured it out sooner. I should not have allowed myself to believe with hard work and communication we could over come any obstacle when I was doing the lion share of emotional work. Things were not balanced and that is a recipe for failure. So as much as it hurts atleast she ended it and knew FINALLY that her heart was not in it. While late it was the right thing to do.