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abigailadams (original poster member #37556) posted at 3:26 AM on Saturday, April 13th, 2013
My mom pointed out that I act as if I am afraid of my stbx. And I realized what she said was true. I was tiptoeing around him. walking on eggshells. I was bending over backwards not to irritate him or upset him. but why? He has already done the worst thing he could do to me. Dump me for another woman and destroy our family. What else could he do to make it worse?
So finally a few weeks ago, I took my first step to confront him. It was about money he had taken out of his IRA. It is pretty expensive to have an affair after all.
and then yesterday, without meaning to I let him have it on the phone. I was not crazy screaming, I just stated the facts very forcefully. To make a long story short, tonight when I was having dinner with my DD in our regular Friday night place, the waiter came over to tell me that my husband had called and had paid the check.
Now I realize constructively expressing my anger to him is going to get me the best settlement. No more nice girl.
Me BS 55
Him WS 53
Married 10 years together 13
DDay October 11, 2012
KeepOnMovin ( member #38245) posted at 3:31 AM on Saturday, April 13th, 2013
attagirl!!! 
Me: Creating a better life for myself
Her: Somebody else's problem
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
persevere ( member #31468) posted at 3:35 AM on Saturday, April 13th, 2013
WTG abigail!!!
DDay:2011
Status: D 2011
Remarried to a kind and wonderful man - 2017
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K.
healingtree ( member #15467) posted at 3:35 AM on Saturday, April 13th, 2013
I teach pre-k students. I always tell them, when someone does something that hurts them, use their "Big Voice". It is not about, yelling, or raging, or lashing out. It is about saying, "I deserve to be treated better than you are treating me right now, and I am NOT going to stand for it!"
We all need to use our Big Voice sometimes.
Its not about being nice - it is about standing up for yourself, and your kids, and your needs.
FBS 1st D-day 7-11-07, 2nd DDay Post-Breakup in 8-12, since then, setting my own course
HIM - Doesn't Matter Anymore
The only thing we can change about the past is how we look at it.
Bluebird26 ( member #36445) posted at 9:46 AM on Saturday, April 13th, 2013
Me: BW
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Life's good.
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