I understand what you mean Dab. I still feel similar to who I was. I've not changed all that much, but as my H points out, he's changed A LOT. He needed to change. Everything is different for him now. I can see that. Not just in what he says, but what he does.
This event has caused him to focus and truly see things.
This is how my H has explained it to me. 'You don't know what you had till it's gone' sort of thing. I've seen it on SI and with my H, remorseful spouses can have an overwhelming love for their BS.
It sounds like your problem is trust. Understandably so after an affair. Were you comfortable with compliments in general even before Dday? I never have been. I look for an agenda the other person may have. There is a book called Receiving Love by Harville Hendrix that I haven't had a chance to read yet but it looks interesting. It would seem easy to receive love, but for some people it's not.
It took me a long time and consistent behavior from my H for me to accept this overwhelming love and gratitude, because well it was -- overwhelming. I may never fully understand it because as with other things to do with an affair, it doesn't always make sense to me. But sometimes acceptance involves things that don't always make sense.
I feel as though if he was able to push this love aside to cheat once, then he can do it again.
This is fear speaking and again, very understandable. But this is not something within your control. You only have control over how you would react to it if it happens. You can't live in the 'what ifs' of the future or the past forever. Try to focus on the present.
Good luck.
