SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Anyone attempting an R do it?

this topic comes up a lot, here's a recent thread on it: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=492371&HL=35924

here's what I said there.

I kept my vows, and I still keep them. Why should I renew them?

She broke her vows. Why would I expect that taking them again will be different?

I need to see her actions, sustained over time. Not hear her say words she'd said before and disregarded.

YMMV.

My question was more for people who have done them, not reasons for or against them.

I know we are planning on doing a vow renewal, i just don't know about the logistics of it.

My H and I renewed our vows last year. It was a beautiful day filled with the love of our famiy and close friends.

We had a simple outdoor ceremony on the lawn of our church officiated by our pastor. Then an indoor lunch reception. We had a slide show, cake and toasts.

There are many websites with renewal etiquette but feel free to ask me if you have any questions.

We did renew our vows 6 months after D-Day. I found it helped me tremendously as I felt our previous vows were shattered.

We renewed our vows 11 months after D-day, on a cruise.

For us, vow renewal was celebration of our love and continued committment to each other. Often these threads start with "Does vow renewal help with healing?" It is my opinion that it should be no part of healing. In the same way that some couples in troubled relationships get married in hopes that will "fix" something in the relationship, that rarely works. I feel the same way about Vow renewals. They don't fix anything. But it can be a beautiful, emotional sentiment, just like an original marriage.

Because of all we had been through, I really believe our vow renewal was more emotional and memorable to both of us than our actual marriage. We are both glad we did this.

We renewed our vows on our 21st anniversary, about 8 months after d-day.

It was gorgeous. We wrote our own vows and it was just Mr Lucky, myself, our daughter, our SIL and son.

It was really a family renewal as much as a vow renewal.

It was fabulous.

We went away on an island vacation. It was just the two of us on the beach at sunset.

It was romantic and very special to us. We did it on valentines day and wrote our own vows.

I am a wayward spouse. We are not quite 5 months from DDay, and working on R. My betrayed wife and I went on a trip to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary just three weeks ago. It was a trip she had put a great deal of time and effort into planning before our DDay, and there was a great deal of conversation over whether she wanted me to even go with her. In the end I went, on the morning of our anniversary I surprised her with a vow renewal on the beach at sunrise (biggest gamble here was telling her she had to get out of bed before dawn). One of the things she had been asking me for was to re-write my vows to her, so I used this as my opportunity to give them to her. It was beautiful, it was moving, she absolutely loved it and it set the tone for a wonderful vacation.

Since we've been back she has spent more nights in the guest room than next to me and today was ready to move out but for the advice of an attorney...so it's not much of a salve, necessarily. I will always be glad that I decided to do it, I hope (and she has said) that she will always cherish the memory of it, and that it was very meaningful to her. I already know that I will forever be grateful to her for the opportunities I have had during the last few months, to learn about myself, to try to prove my worth to her, to try to repair the damage. Have inflicted...whether things work out or not, I am glad that I stood on a beach with the only woman I have ever really loved and expressed my love to her openly and honestly in the light of day, flaws and all.

I would consider it, since we didn't have a real wedding to begin with. I thought about this the first go round and honestly him going to the trouble of planning and orchestrating an event involving both our families (who have never met) and getting up and saying his vows in front of them- would be a good demonstration of commitment to our WHOLE family, who he has treated badly nearly since day 1.

But that's a loooooong way off right now. Just my thoughts from last year.