SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

hi, so today, not even 7 days after his confession, I get told that I should stop crying, stop getting angry and "be ok"!!!! ive explained that I cant, this is something I have to go through and I don't have a choice, if I did, I wouldn't be going through it!!! and he wouldn't have put me in this situation!

well tonight I get the most soul crushing text of my life............"get in your car take your kids and go!"

I don't understand how he thinks this is reasonable, especially followed by I love you!

well I think its safe to say I don't want to fix this, im done!!

based on everyone else, I guess I might change my mind again, but honestly I hope not, as this kind of behaviour is not something im willing to accept!

all I can say is thank goodness he aint here as I might be up on an assault charge!!

Given the slow incremental progress my WH has made over the last couple of years, I can honestly say I regret having hung in there so long. During that time we have spent thousands on MC. My PTSD is firmly entrenched due to his lies, secrets and lack of empathy. Now I've invested all this time and wonder if it will ever be worth it or if I will ever even be happy. So... If you can get out now and start the healing process, you may be better off in the end. He does not deserve you!

[This message edited by Ladyogilvy at 8:26 PM, May 12th (Sunday)]

thanks, I know this in my mind, a piece of my heart is pulling me back.... but I really am determined to stay away, its just that so much of my daily life is entwined into his, I sit here not having a clue what to do and I think that makes want to go back to, just so I know what im "supposed" to be doing . I don't know if this makes any sense, my mind is spinning!!

Awww. I know exactly where you're coming from. It seems like he'll say sorry and be nice, then expect me to want to be intimate right away (whether kissing or more), and when I say no (because I'm not ready, and I won't be rushed!), he gets very angry. As though I'm being the unreasonable one! What balls.

These WS have balls. That's all I can think right now.

Sorry, I know that probably didn't help any. Hope you're ok.

If there is any hope at all, I don't think it comes from giving in and being nice. My WH even said it in MC, he never has to deal with any consequences for anything he does so there's no motivation to change. I think that's why a lot of guys only change once women no longer care.

[This message edited by Ladyogilvy at 8:30 PM, May 12th (Sunday)]

Well, he's shown you his true colors. Go silent, see a lawyer tomorrow and start getting your ducks in a row. He can haul his ass out of the house and go live with his lurve, and start paying child support, if he thinks that one week to get over being betrayed is reasonable. FTG! Get your blood-red bitch boots on, disengage, and show him what the rest of his life is going to look like, for a person who steps out on his family.

Take YOUR children and get out. Oh please! Up your's asshole. The children do NOT go on the street because you can't keep your fly zipped! Idiot! It is definately time to Take No Prisoners and bring reality into his land-o-unicorn farts.

Exactly what Skan said. Go silent on him. What an ass!

I'm looking forward to Wannabe's post here

Same that was my window for recovery 7-14 days each time I took him back.looking back now I just think how stupid I was trying to fix something with someone who showed no remorse for how I felt.

I am sorry he is being an ass. You are not going to be able to reason with him.

It's time to 180 and detach. Focus on what you need and want. What you want your M to look like.

Detaching will help define the space in which you exist and help you see yourself as an individual.

hi, thanks everyone. I must say since I decided I don't even want to save this ( I know it was only yesterday but!) I feel a lot better already, like I can focus on myself , instead of focusing wholey on us or on him. I had numerous text messages last night, everything from I am sorry I love you to ill kill myself (threats I've heard before so don't take them seriously) and I haven't replied to any. I am determined to keep it that way too!

Good for you. Being treated the way you deserve starts with realizing your own self worth and cutting the toxic out of your life.

As someone who has been sticking with the yo yo of Im sorry, get over it, its your fault, its me.

He gave you good advice almost...but instead of you getting in the car and uprooting the kids (unless that is how it will work best given your situation) Pack him up, put it on the step and tell him to go. If after a period of time he's really going to change, you will probably be able to tell. With lots of people, sorry only lasts a week...kinda like a teenager, IM GONNA BE ALL ABOUT THIS MOM ...til next week when I realize its hard!

Hugs

thanks. I sent one final text this morning after a barrage of requests to see me, simply stating,

" you did this. it is yours to wear not mine. you are blaming and not accepting any responsibility, you chose this, I had it inflicted on me"

I've had numerous texts since (I've blocked him from calling me ) stating what choice? and so ill sit on my own, which I am just ignoring.

thanks your support, just reading helps a lot

I know I said one final text but hey!!

I managed something that hit home today. he came over and against my better instinct I let him in.

he was going on about more crap about him him HIM and I just said, "how do you think I feel, how do you think this will affect my future relationships, I will always be suspicious, checking phones, verifying where people say they are"

The look in his face was amazing as If he finally realised that yes I am considering moving on from him. he stopped shouting, I asked him to leave and there's no nasty texts since. lets see if this little realisation helps him to decide how he's going to proceed.

You are really handling this the best way possible. Lots of WS's do not even try to get it until they are forced to face it. They either rug sweep, gaslight, or get defensive. After all it is all about them. You and the kids are just collateral damage to his fucked-up-ness. Until they face consequences, they just don't want to get it. Some never want to get it and that's theirs to own too. You are wise not to be his doormat. Hang in there. Either way you are doing fine so soon after dday. (((HUGS)))

thanks, everything I do now I sit second guessing myself, but honestly the look on his face!!

It sounds like you're doing good. Stay strong.

Btw, I totally love the idea of blood-red bitch boots. I know it's a metaphor, but I would actually love to go out and get myself some. Lol

DontKnow, stop giving him all the power to decide how things are going to develop.

He lost that power.

It's now YOURS, so stop giving it away.

Go ahead with your plans to do whatever YOU have to do to bring order about your life. Waiting to see what he's going to do because you mentioned future relationships just halts your own progress.

You're in charge now.

I agree, take the power back.

You will....we all do. When we realize that we are no longer desperately trying to hold on to them.

When we realize...Do we really even want them?

But, that took me a month to understand. Might have taken longer without that dumb text he sent. Regardless...take the advice. Show him that you don't want him.

ok, so ive only been up an hour, and already, ive had "this is were she lay and I f**king loved it cause she didn't open her mouth and moan about this"

and he went out last night, yes to the pub where she works, and made no contact with me all night, im out of it. just wish it was that easy to stop pain, especially with these constant text messages im getting.

ive blocked him calling, but cant block texts