SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I apologize if any of you are Pat Robertson fans, but his insensitivity to the issue we all must deal with needs to be known, especially by the people who have faith and are hurt most by betrayal.

I'm interested in people's thoughts. I'm especially incensed and only got angrier as he dug himself deeper and deeper.

http://www.christianpost.com/news/pat-robertson-cheating-host-responds-to-plea-from-woman-struggling-to-forgive-infidelity-video-96039/

The following thread may be that for which you are looking.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=496376

Dr. Laura (whom I actually like for the most part) spouts similar drivel WRT infidelity. Never the cheater's fault.

Yeah, saw the link here and on the other thread... It's sad, someone who is so well-known can be seen as a (poor) role model who does not acknowledge infidelity for the horrific thing it is. Or even if he says it's bad in other speeches (no idea if he does or not), those kinds of comments he makes - "Stop talking about cheating... Well, he's a man... Stop focusing on the bad things..." etc. - write off the severity of it. He's not doing either of them - neither the wife nor her husband - a favor with that. Sad.

Do you think your anger about it has anything to do with your behavior while in the A?

Anger with how easily we deceive ourselves as waywards? I know I thought I was a stand up guy, but when reality hit that was far from the truth. Working on that, but I am more concerned with changing my behavior not pointing out others obvious stupidity.

It honestly makes me wonder if he was a wayward because that sure is wayward thinking...

(And I hate the term wayward thinking, but can totally see it here)

Honestly, I see very old time Christian thinking here. If everything was right at home then the man would want to be at home and not out wandering around. So the woman must not be doing her womanly duty. Very old time Christian thinking, I grew up in it. Made me sick then, and makes me sick now.

KB, you're especially incensed because you're a Christian? And you don't want people to think you share his opinion? Not making assumptions, just asking, because you didn't specify why you were so angry about it.

TG, at the risk of unintentionally implying that you're saying that thinking is limited to Christianity--it's much broader than one religion. That thinking is ingrained in our social mores, and probably has been for millenia. Men need sex, so if the wife ain't giving it up, who can blame a guy for seeking supplementation? And if a woman cheats, then her husband clearly isn't satisfying her--or she's just a wanton slut. Due to that: aren't women cheaters generally regarded, in society, as worse than our male counterparts?

"Robertson added: "He cheated on you. Well, he's a man. OK. So what you do, is you begin to focus on why you married him in the first place, on what he does good."

That really let's me see he's the old Christian way of thinking and rug sweeping. I have heard of old fashioned Christians giving advice like this. Our pastor gave us some marriage counseling. This isn't at all the type of advice given!!

Our pastor really understood how deep the pain of this type of betrayal is. He told me the act of Infidelity is firstly a selfish act. He let me know I was very within my right to get a divorce if that's what I wanted. He asked my H a bunch of questions and spoke to him alone as well.

Our pastor's view on infideility is

The WS was not forced in any way by my actions to go out and cheat.

He said that I could have a cold wife, not affectionate or other bad habits ...but that did not cause the A. He let me know that WS could have sought help from IC or marriage counseling if he had deep concerns ..

20W,

I totally agree. I do think that society doesn't yet know what to do with the women that are coming out of the woodwork with these affairs. We have accepted for years that men just do this. Women? Uh no. Society is having to learn how to cope with this new reality. And it isn't a good one.

Do you think your anger about it has anything to do with your behavior while in the A?

Don't be scared homey.

I have a real problem with this.

Adultery and murder are both prohibited in the Judeo-Christian faith. Both are included in the "Ten Commandments."

So following this line of thinking is to also accuse the murder victim of somehow "deserving" or "contributing to" their demise.

Does this make sense? Of course not,

In the Judeo-Christian religions, the Ten Commandments are the "biggies." The general rules of polite society. They are fundamental. They are not excused or somehow explained away by the actions or non-actions of the other party. The Ten Commandments are the biggies because the actions they prohibit are those most disruptive to society, soul, and spirit.

Personally, I think any so-called religious leader who would espouse that it is the victim's fault that they were victimized is a crock. Adultery breaks the marital covenant. Plain and simple. It can be healed, but it is a serious breach and needs serious intervention and treatment.

Personally, men are not somehow predisposed to cheating because they have a Y chromosome. They cheat for any number of excuses. They also have choices to not cheat, as we all do.

I think the church should toss Mr. Robertson out of his ear, or at least shuffle him off to the rest home for endless games of Bingo.

Cat

hardlessons said:

Do you think your anger about it has anything to do with your behavior while in the A?

Anger with how easily we deceive ourselves as waywards? I know I thought I was a stand up guy, but when reality hit that was far from the truth. Working on that, but I am more concerned with changing my behavior not pointing out others obvious stupidity.

No, not wholly anger reflecting the ease with which we deceive ourselves, though I'm sure that's part of what riled me so much.

I thought of this specific situation in the context I have been made aware of now that I am recovering: a woman, desperate for guidance from an authority figure she trusts, is basically told that it's her fault. I placed my own BS in her position, and I got infuriated that anyone in a position of authority would have the gall to further victimize the victim.

20WrongsVs1 said:

KB, you're especially incensed because you're a Christian? And you don't want people to think you share his opinion? Not making assumptions, just asking, because you didn't specify why you were so angry about it.

I used to be a Christian. I'm Buddhist now. I also used to be part of media with the equivalent of a weekly podcast and terrestrial radio experience, so I have a very healthy respect for the reach that media has.

It's more of what I said above: I was outraged that someone could use their position of authority in such a demeaning, disrespectful, and harmful way. Blaming the victim is shameful.