SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've had a really bad day, lots of bad thoughts, daughter sitting uni exam tmoro, didnt want to add to her stress so had to get out of house for walk. Wh came with me, it ended in a row, apparently doesnt like answering the same questions over and over again. He talks the talk about being sorry, loving me, wanting to be here for me but I think thats all it will be just talk. Why is he such an a'hole. I feel so alone and so angry, don't think i can handle this, reality is, it's never goong to go away.

Anger when asking questions is a huge red flag. You may need to go into detective mode and see what you can find.

Real remorse is not angry, it can be sad, but not angry at you in any way.

Sorry you are having a bad day. Read up on the 180 - focus on you.

((((and strength))))

(((Gutterdagain)))

Sorry you are going through such difficult times. I have no words of wisdom as I'm not in a good place yet either but I will say to please take care of you! Post here to get advice, support or just vent. We are all here for you!

So sorry to hear you are having a really bad time. I can fully relate as your situation is exactly the same as mine. My WH hates itcwgen i ask questions. DD 1 was jan 12. A continued under my nose. He left aug 12.

Saw what he was about to lose. And came back . R started. NC broken dec 12 then feb 13. Ultimatum from me but the last broken NC broke me. I dont think he understands this.

He too hates the same questions and gets really angry at me. Filthy arguments and always tells me that i make him feel like a c...nt for what he did.......yeah right......i dont think he wantscto accept responsibilty for what he has done just like your WH.

I would love to here i am sorry for hurting you so much and it will never happen again. We did some MC. Thinks we dont need it but we wont survive without it.

I feel used and feel like his keeper. This hasnt left my head or heart since jan 12 and i am so exhausted.

I am trying the 180. We are having to sell our house with no help from him. He does nothing. I am seriously thinking of going my own way. Cant see him changing.

We have done nothing wrong but still they seem to throw it back at us like we are to blame........WEAK!

You hang in there and just focus on you.......is he really worth it?

Not sure mine is.......

Take care of yourself and be strong.

Big hugs to you.

I'm sorry, Gutted Again.

The anger at is not good news, I'm afraid. Perv did that and what I was soon to learn was that he was tired of explaining himself and "dealing" with me anymore.

He didn't want to talk about it because he might have to feel responsible for what he did. And he couldn't think in time to make more stuff up about me.

Plus, he began to lie so much he had trouble remembering what he told me, so if I asked again, it may get him in trouble and he might trip himself up. This happened.

I'm really sorry. I hope it's just something like guilt he's working through but not talking about.

And...Perv only spent time with me thinking he was going to shut me up by doing what I wanted, so if I asked a question, I wasn't doing what he wanted! He couldn't be a bully if he kept having to answer questions.

I'm sorry for your difficult day...and I wish you some moments of peace.

Reconciliation has to be accompanied by remorse by the WS and truth and transparency.

No rug sweeping. Actions speak louder than words. If he is not backing up his words with actions then the words are meaningless.

Define your boundaries. Try the 180 and be willing to let go in order to get YOUR life back.

He is only worth it if he supports you and behaves in a way that helps you heal.

It won't go away but you will make it through one way or another. You will be okay.

Hugs and keep moving

I'm sorry you are going through this....i think they can't take the guilt. They know they are wrong.

I get that too.... He says he hates when I ask the same question more than one time.

The lies....it's amazing...don't even know how he can remember what he told me. I have had him contradict himself in the same sentence!! He has actually said that he was "unhappy throughout most of our marriage, but he thinks our marriage was better than average"... and "he cared too much about me to tell me he didn't love and care about me"...does that make any sense??

Thanks to you all for your support, it means so much. I think my anger frightens him. I've been really angry for the past week and very confrontational when asking him questions which maybe is not the best way. I eventually calmed down tonight and the talking was much more productive. He says he feels ashamed and sickened by what he did and going over and over it reminds him of who he doesnt want to be. Well that is something he is going to have to learn to live with.

He constantly says he is sorry for hurting me and his family, sorry for what he did and that he had no feelings for the two ow. I have open access to his phone and laptop both of which are his works. He very rarely uses the other laptop, ipad etc in the house. , i have been checking them all. He doesnt spend a lot of time on them or his phone. he's not really IT literate and never been interested in being so. As i say he talks the talk and does seem to be upset by what he has done to me and our daughters. Believe it or not but we have always been a close family , spent lots of time together as a family, which is why this betrayal is so painful to deal with. He has taken the opportunities that came his way during working hours and didn't let it affect his time with his family. what a cake eating scumbag. into the mix his father is terminally ill which we are all heartbroken about. This is all an ongoing torturous nightmare and i feel that i will never believe a word he says, even if i want to, the doubt will always b there. More counselling next week x

I have found the following article from the Healing Library a great way to sum up what we as BS's are feeling.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/joseph.asp

Perhaps having read this might help him understand why you need to ask the questions that you do.

They get angry because of several different reasons, sometimes they don't want to face the ugly truth of what they did. They want desperately to forget their actions. Or sometimes they are hiding something.

Either way he needs to accept that you are going to have anger and questions.

I hope things work out for you :)

Thanks, i let him read josephs letter last night, he says he is trying, and its his guilt that makes him annoyed when i ask him the same questions over and over and that hes angry and ashamed at himself but determined to change and to always put my feelings first. All i can do is take one day at a time and i've explained to him that when he gets annoyed at me asking the same questions it makes me feel he has something to hide and makes me want to be done with the whole thing. He says his biggest fear is me not wanting to try and when i get angry he thinks i'm going to give up so it would seem we are at sixes and sevens. He did talk and answer my repeated questions with ease last night. I will keep asking questions, its my nature but i think in my heart i know that i'm trying to understand what i know i will never be able to understand. Does that make sense to anyone? This is like an endless torture.

Would he be interested in joining this site? I think it might help him to talk to other people who've been in his shoes.

In the interest of trying to be fair, ARE you asking the same questions over and over and over and over, as he claims?

And if you are, why?

Do you not accept the answers he's been giving you to these questions, or does your gut tell you that he's not answering these questions honestly?

I'm glad you had a productive talk the other night and that he was able to answer some of the questions that have been haunting you.

To be honest it's the same question from different angles or just looking for the finer detail. I think i am probably trying to catch him out or simply trying to make sense of it all , or both x