I'm sorry, Liberty Rocks.
That's where I "saw" OW, too. Only, there's nothing cute about this one! I think maybe he didn't have his glasses on, (lol).
For me, seeing the picture made OW an actual person and seeing him on her pages made it very real and raw. And the fact that people stoop to putting this stuff up there ruined FB and other SN's for me. I deactivated mine or whatever very quickly because I couldn't stand looking and realized it was a connection she could have to mine.
And Perv did some really wretched stuff with the pictures...that gave me nightmares and caused much more insecurity.
Then, our entire family and friends began asking and going to look and he actually outed himself. But he says he didn't...of course.
So anyway, I'm shocked that you are still holding on to H after that many and so much stuff to bear. Your threshold and tolerance level is much higher than mine. And do you know, what I was afraid of most, was changing my situation and DD's and detatching from being married. Oh, he was long gone already and it was just me living a married life all by myself...that hit home one day...it was Hurricane Sandy actually when I was out on the porch during it. I sat in my hammock, hoping for some energy from it...lol.
Anyway...
I had to ask a lot of questions to myself and had to get really, really daring. I dared myself to look into the future as a single person. I dared myself to take my rings off. I dared myself to move out of the bedroom. I dared myself so many things. I am daring myself now to think of diffent walls around me as I have to sell my/our house.
Over time and repetition, it really helped. It helped me to see a lot of things and to see pain I could not continue to let touch me. It could be pain that got put away if I didn't let the behaviors and man keep coming back in, for I let him in four times.
You know, all those different Ows and Perv's stuff lead me to think that they are searching for a life situation that they think they want. I think Perv thinks of women kind of like situations and he can change them with a magic wand when he is all done and when it gets hard. I think women are not people to some men but objects as well, who have charm but when challenge, that's it. There is not capacity for longevity, for when the going gets tough, at least Perv cannot or will not face his demons. He blames them on other people-me-and then walks off when they won't take his crap.
I don't know if that will help you any, but it was a long while to come to. I am not detatched fully from the man, but am swallowing it instead. I don't think he is capable of being real or facing what's real.
What happened for me, too, was I craved self-respect and dignity that he stole from my life and DDs and I don't know if I can ever get it back, but it's a wish I have now. To restore honor to our family and name and rebuild our life in honesty.
There is also the trouble of bringing up kids amid all the chaos if you have them, but what I could no longer tolerate or comprehend was raising DD and baby to be with such a liar. How can they learn from him and what the F kind of role model is that, or what kind of "head of house" could that be for us any longer? If he's out mocking us and flaunting and not keeping his clothes on and without boundaries, how can my/"our" children learn a damn thing from him? Or anyone's children, I suppose?
At least with him out of the house and facing the changes he made, we are seeing who he really is and the truth is there for all to see. The kid gloves are off, so to speak and no more being his "situation"...we are people.
I don't know if that will help at all, but it took a whole year to learn.
Peace and hugs to you in your hard times.
