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My MIL and i have been talking a lot lately. Her husband cheated on her when my WH was the same age as our daughter is now. For them, it was only one woman.

She keeps telling me to let her know when WH can be trusted again, because she was shocked that he could lie to her for so long and have no idea, AND she keeps bringing up that he only had physical sex with one woman after we were married.

She doesn't consider EA as actual affairs, he slept with three women before we were married, and had EAs with two of them before and after we were married, but that's not that bad because they had physical sense beforehand!? I just don't get it.

It's like she keeps trying to rationalize his actions to herself. Like she can't believe her son would really do something that bad.

She has asked me to see the transcripts i have, but i said no. Why does she need/ want to see exactly what he said to these women? It was incredibly graphic.

She also wants the last names of two of the women, because they live nearby her, and she wants to know if she ever runs into them, or if they try to get a job with her or something.

I don't know their last names, and i don't want to know. I can understand wanting to know if she runs into them, but the Dallas Fort Worth area is fairly large, so i've been told. I've never been there, but my mom and WH are both from Texas.

Has anyone else had similar issues with their MIL?

I say she needs to talk to her son about it if she wants to know all those things. Up to you if you want to be there too in the spirit of full transpararency.

What?!? Why in the world does she want this detailed information?? I have NO IDEA! It seems kind of weird to me. Perhaps she has suspicions of who the OW are and wants to see if she's right? I don't know. But, it seems bazzaar.

Absolutley not. My MIL doesn't ask a word unless I tell her. She still doesn't know half the stuff her son has done to me. I want to keep their relationship strong. She doesn't need to know those things. No one does except for him and I.

He talks to her sometimes, but really he's only been talking to me and his IC, basically.

She knew one of them. One of them was an ex girlfriend from high school, but she only kinda remembers her. My SIL works with a guy that WH was friends with in high school, and my MIL wants to ask him questions about these women, WH has not talked to this guy since high school. He also doesn't care though, because the guy didn't know these two chicks, but why involve a stranger in our business?

She's coming up to visit in a month, so they'll be able to finally talk in person about it. In front of me, obviously, i need to know he's telling her he truth.

Not to be mean, but it sounds like gossip now. Your instinct is right, she's probably in denial of the extent her son went...and wants to confirm with someone he went to HS with. That doesn't sound good at all.

I don't think that's mean at all. I think wanting to get a stranger involved is weird.

WH lied to his parents for years, and could look his mom in the eyes without lying too, she had no idea. Neither of his parents have seen him since this all came out because they live so far away.

Hopefully talking in person will calm some of the crazy down

Both my MIL and FIL were cheated on in prior marriages before they married each other. They also both are very good at thrusting their head in the sand and ignoring the world around them. So when my H's A's came out, that threatened the sand base that they were buried in, and they promptly started removing me from their lives, as well as their grandchildren.

I think the real problem was that I was, um, pining away at the marriage I had lost. Why waste my time being miserable and unreasonable when I could just bury my head and move on like they did? (I remind the jury that BOTH parents-in-law divorced their WS's and I did not)

Anyway, by H and I getting all this therapy and working through our issues and talking about things and standing up for ourselves and our family unit really made the in-laws uncomfortable. So they chose to pretend that I and our children didn't exist. They even had family dinners with ALL of their kids and grandkids, and intentionally didn't invite us... how painful that was!

My MIL also minimized what my H had done, and suggested more than once that I apply for a job (after DDay, and after she knew who one of the OW was) at the same place where an OW worked. I looked at her like she had two heads and she said "what ". I told her I couldn't possibly work there as one of the OW worked there, and she said "well, it's been what, like five months now.... it should be fine".

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there are MIL's out there who get all sorts of crazy about it, even though they've been cheated on themselves in the past.

Holy crap Does, your MIL is unreal

Oh my MIL was also a BS in her marriage to FIL. FIL is on to his third marriage. Have no idea about any other A in the other marriages. That does not mean that they did not happen. MIL says that the A's were not what ended their marriage. I do believe that because they are just two very, very, very different people.

Despite having my ILS for over 20 years, they threw me under the bus along with MrKOKO when the A came out. Even my previously betrayed MIL. You would think that she would have had some sympathy for what I was going through but she still told me that she needed to back away from me. I am still the mother of her onlg grandson! FIL, the ass that he is, told me when the A was revealed that I was half to blame for the end of the M.

Once MrKOKO and I started our R both ILS act as if they never dumped me. They are king and queen of the rugsweepers. I see where MrKOKO gets it. He did tell his father that what he told me was completely inappropriate though and I had nothing to do with it. The ILS clearly never thought we would get back together, neither did I frankly.

Even the A has strained my relationship with my BIL. He and his wife were our best friends. MrKOKO has told them that HIS actions have messed up everything. No matter, they still all lay blame on me primarily. I guess I am an easier target.

The blame thing really pisses me off.

We're each responsible for 50% of the relationship, but WH is 100% responsible for the affair.

What is so hard for people to grasp about that?

Like when people tell me ' Oh, you two have a lot to work out.'

No. WH has a LOT he needs to work on. Without him working that out, there is no us. The affairs need to be dealt with first before we can address anything else in our marriage.

I learned one lesson with my DD's dad that I will carry forever: blood runs deeper than water.

Some experiences may vary, but a lot of the time, families will side with their own. Or not necessarily side with them, but defend, justify, make excuses for, and insist that we forgive right away.