SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

H had MA's while I was cranking out and tending to our babies. Yeah, he was scared of becoming a father, couldn't support us, yada yada yada.

So, he says he thought I was going to leave him!! And since he had already done it once (PA), he kept doing it. Well, that lasted 3 years until I busted him.

He's miraculously done a 180 on himself. SO FAR. We'll see...

But, how shitty is that? He "thought" I was going to leave him, but surprise, I love him and I didn't leave him! Not to mention all the begging he did. I guess I will NEVER understand.

That is was my WH said also. He thought I was going to leave him so he wanted to just grab on to "something better" that came along. I didn't even know we were having that big of problems. His communication skills suck. So sorry for you.

My WH said he felt our marriage was literally over, so that gave him the freedom in his opinion, to pursue his OW.

It's crazy how they justify it in their minds WITHOUT telling us!

Eh. I don't know. Mine said he always thought I was too good for him and that's why he kept me at arms' length . . . I guess self-protection. Sometimes I believe that and sometimes it just seems like an easy justification.

You know that's bullshit, right??

((((libertyrocks))))

Mum

I was just going to scream BULLSHIT!

I sincerely hope every one of you did!

They have lied to themselves and you long enough, call them on it, hard. Their ass on the curb will cure most of them, but not unless you mean it! (And, if you mean it, the threat does the trick, but be prepared to follow through immediately if necessary.)

Dbl post, sorry

[This message edited by fourever at 12:38 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

Heck yeah he was lying! He had no idea he was going to lose his family until it really happened!

Total crap.

So, he says he thought I was going to leave him!!

So going out and having sex with multiple women is going to make you stay? Love to see that conversation:

LR- Honey, I know your the father of my wonderful children and your a great provider. Our marriage is great but I am going to leave you.

LR H- Please don't leave me, I have been having sex with women behind your back, I was so scared this was going to happen!

LR- Oh that explains it.If I had known that I would have never considerd leaving you, thanks for taking one for the team. I will stay with you forever!!

The excuses that they give us are so assinine it makes me sick. My FWW told me "it was only about the sex..." Wheeew I feel better now!

I still can't figure him out.

I'm not sure if he wanted his cake and eat it too.

Or, if he wanted to end it.

I read this from a WS:

I felt angry towards my husband and wanted to do enough damage that he would ask for a divorce as I was too much of a coward to honorably end the marriage myself.

I'm not sure which one is really him.

I think if its an exit affair, there are many problems before hand.

The "fog" and an exit are very different, I think.

But, please correct me if I'm off base.

My WW still holds onto the claim that "She did it for me, so that I would leave her and go find someone to be happy with"

I guess I missed the memo letting me know that I was UNhappy in my current situation and should have been looking for happiness.

It is worth pointing out that my WW cannot have children, and she convinced herself that I could not love her if she could not have my babies.

Its so hard to tell sometimes if thats all just a lie, and the truth is that they just wanted something exciting and new, or if theres at least some truth to it all.

Regardless it's fucked up backwards, selfish thinking all of it. Don't make decisions that drastically affect the rest of MY life without consulting me first!!

(((((Liberty))))

It's intersting you say that, darkonius,

She did it for me, so that I would leave her and go find someone to be happy with"

I was actually elated and relieved when I had solid proof of his A's. I kept telling him to let me go and let me be happy with someone else. Guess, he's still being selfish. He begs me daily and tells me how he's so lucky and how he's madly in love with me again. But, I still don't get it?? How could he hate me then love me once I was out the door???????????

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 1:26 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

After she was so kind and thoughtful to do something that would "Set me free", after I discovered the A, and asked her to pack her bags and get out of my life forever she begged and pleaded for me to forgive her, that she is willing to do anything to "fight" for our marriage and prove her love for me. And here I am willing to give it another try.

It's all just so Bat Shit crazy. None of the rational makes any sense at all.

It's not a good or even original excuse.

I have a friend whose husband is using the same excuse. Mine has used the "You didn't love me/ make me feel loved enough" excuse which is similar.

I recently wrote a thread titled "Why it's my fault." with a list of some (but not all) of the piece of crap excuses and justifications my stbx has used to shift the blame of his poor decisions and maladaptive coping mechanisms onto me.

Don't fall for it!

Oh, I also get "you didn't love me" Now he's telling me not to live in the past.

Ugh...I get so tempted to kick him in the balls and ask "What's wrong? That kick to your balls was in the past!"

He's lucky I have self control.