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For some reason the thought that I can restore the deleted texts on my h's phone has come into my head and I am having trouble letting it go.

I don't know if it is really even possible and if it is it will probably cause me more pain.

I just can't stop thinking, how can I forgive when I don't know all I am forgiving?

I don't really know how it started, who really started it, I guess I just don't believe what he says.

Their "relationship" started with texting, lots of it, thousands while we were together on vacation. He sat next to me on the beach texting her, I even had a photo of him, I took while he was distracted, walking towards me and texting.

I constantly wonder what was said. I feel like I know so little.

I know he told her he loved her. I know he told her things about me that I trusted him with. What else? Did he call her the same pet names he used for me? Did he say all the things that I long to hear? Do I want to know? Is it possible to retrieve these texts?

This truly is hell, definitely not what you do to someone that trusts you.

((((cantaccept))))

It is (likely) possible to retrieve the deleted texts. It is NOT possible to 'un-know' it.

I'm sorry for your pain. I would be on the side of wanting to know. In fact, I told WH that even though the truth is horrible, I am glad to know rather than to not know.

((((cantaccept))))

For some phones it is. Look it up on the internet about his phone.

I too wondered about texts as well. My fWH was an EA mostly texting.

I know how you feel, my WH had most of his affair communication through his work emails and I have asked him if there is a way to retrieve the emails, because even if I don't read them I want the option. I feel like I need to know what was said, the exact day it started, how he told her he loved her. It is probably a bad idea but it is how I feel. Good luck with yours. (((cantaccept)))

I would do it if I could. I would want to see if what he was telling me matched what he said in those texts...I'd want to know if he had been honest with me when he thought there would be no way of me checking his story for accuracy.

It can be done. Post this question on the investigative forum and someone will tell you how.

I know I could get all the texts. I'm choosing not too. It would destroy me and haunt me and I'm not strong enough to read them. Be careful.

Yes. Think long and hard before you decide you really have to know. Also know that what was written in those texts are usually a bunch of bullshit they were saying to each other at the time. Most of it was the fantasy life talking and lying to each other. It wasn't real and it wasn't really love even if they said it to each other. It was a secret relationship full of lies to each other. That is what you will discover with those erased texts. Once you know, you can never unknow the lies they told each other. I know it would make me think of WH#2 as even lower broken man than I already do. I have enough triggers already to last me a lifetime. I no longer care about their fantasy relationship. It took a while to get there. Just give yourself enough time to make sure that you really want to know. (((HUGS)))

Ok I am one who retrieved deleted texts. I needed to know the truth. Not only was I not convinced that his A was EA, but he was using my RA in an abusive way towards me and then lying saying he had never slept with anyone in our entire marriage

The truth turned out to be much much worse than what I knew. The texts that I read were deathly painful and I cannot ever erase the words from my memory BUT I know who my WH is and what he is capable of and that is knowledge that is invaluable to me as much as it hurts.

I thought about it also but decided not to because I know it would have hurt me and I would never be able to undo it in my mind.

It was the only way I learned of the A...H was giving me a watered down vanilla crush story - the deleted texts - while only partial threads painted the whole picture and I wouldn't have known how to save the marriage without them...

I agree, you should know.

You need to know who the man is that you are choosing to be with. The good, bad, and ugly. You may need to know the extent of their treachery. I would want to compare how he treated her to how he has treated me throughout the M. You have the right to know if he is capable of giving you more.

Besides, if you don't-it may forever haunt you.

Unfortunately, I could not retrieve my H's. It still bothers me. I do know he built her up. I use that against him, when I am looking for a bit of validation from him. He says he is not the "words of affirmation" type of guy. I remind him that is what his entire A was with the bitch. He had no problem doing that for her. That usually shuts him up.