SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So. I've never seen cOW. She has no FB - no online presence whatsoever. I know she is attractive - H told me "a hot new waitress started" back before the A started. On Dday 1 I asked if she was pretty and he replied "fucking gorgeous" (ouch!)

I gained weight during the A as I couldn't afford cOW's drug habit AND my gym membership and I ate through the stress after Dday...so I was afraid to go to the casino and check her out - didn't need to see for myself - and yet I do want to know --- ugh! But I'm not sure I can handle putting a face (and surgically enhanced body) to my mind movies.

Well, H tells me last night that she's transferred out of his dept and she'll be stewarding in one of the outlet restaurants (stewarding = fancy word for dishwasher). I'm happy as all get out - but realize that my window of opportunity to see her is closing...and yet I don't want to see her!

So my neighbour is there to see a show tonight and I've asked her to check her out. I don't want any lies - just how gorgeous is she? Is she gorgeous in a stripper way? Would I think she's gorgeous?

So here I wait for my neighbour to come home...and I'm nervous - and don't know if I even want her appraisal of the whore. Sorry - just wanted to share my angst...

Just remember there is nothing gorgeous about a person that would willingly inflict pain on another for their own satisfaction. There is nothing gorgeous about a person that lacks the integrity required to "do the right thing". There is nothing gorgeous about a cheater. Period.

1,000 times this ^^^^^

Honey, this is a can of worms that you DON'T want to open....

How much worse can it be gonna? I already know my H thought she was gorgeous - it was her only redeeming feature with all the other pathetic attributes. I won't see her myself - GAAAHHH - I don't know what I'm hoping to accomplish with this. But I'm afraid that can's been opened already Gonna - neighbour will be home any time now...

...except maybe shewas on break when my neighbour got there...that's what happened last time she tried to check her out...

I'm happy to hear that she will be gone. I'm sure you're relieved.

So if this is going to happen....then what? What are you going to do with the info? How are you going to not let this crush you?

I've been crushed by this already for 9 months. I'm not sure what I'm trying to do here..I mean - I guess I'm hoping to hear she's hot in a white trash way? I guess I'm hoping to hear that her implants are her finest features...

I know my neighbour won't be cruel in her delivery of her assessment...but as the hour grows near I admit I'm a mess...

It makes me laugh to think our MC told me to watch them work together months ago to relieve my anxiety - I don't know who was more freaked out - me or H...either way - I never did it...

Did you ever see your OW Chinadoll?

MOW in my case is really pretty ugly. Reminds me of the wicked witch of the west. Skinny, but flat chested, nasty hair, and the ugliest face. Girl could really use a nose job.

The 21-year-old twink he's cheating on her with, on the other hand, is gorgeous. Long thick blonde hair, healthily thin, big boobs, the face of a Miss USA.

But really, none of this matters. It comes back to you thinking the affair had anything to do with you, AND IT DOESN'T!!!! IT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!! If he wanted someone else, he should have left you like a real man. Lying to you and sneaking around and exposing you to STDs and using you are HIS issues.

It really doesn't matter what she looks like. There are plenty of hot woman in the world, but faithful husbands are able to look the other way and keep their integrity.

I know you're curious, but I really hope you realize that no matter what she looks like, this whole cheating bullshit still has nothing to do with you.

Hugs..

Yes. She came to our house with her then fiancé (who later cheated on her so she was a BSO, too) when my second DD was born. We went out to eat with her and her then BBF when I was pregnant with my third DD. And WH invited her and her BBF to a show he was doing with this band when I was there, too.

ETA: and she is blonde, and skinny, with fake boobs

[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 11:42 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]

What I was trying to get at was to get you to think then what. Because you know you anything is going to hurt. Some things maybe more than others but it's all going to hurt. I just don't want to see you fall down into a pit and stay there.

Well it must be a sign from God that I shouldn't know - my neighbour returned and said they didn't have time to check out the bar before the show and after, her cousins husband was not well enough to walk much (he suffered an aneurism years ago and still struggles) so no ow sighting... But I was freaked out enough by your cautions that I'll lay this one to rest.

You're right butterfly girl ... I've never had any issues with beautiful women before - this one only hits hard because my H fell in love with her. And it's not like she was interested in him the same way - she wanted the attention and the drugs - she even told another waitress who had a crush on my H that she was free to pursue H since she wasn't into him that way ...

And she's dumb (hubby said it was a struggle to simplify his conversations so she could follow them), poor grammar (think Jerry springer guest head bobbing and finger waving when she speaks) and she's a druggie - never been married in spite of having 3 kids by different fathers - incapable of being faithful and her big career move will have her washing dishes. Her oldest hates her and she gets high with her daughter.

I wouldn't trade my positive attributes for her looks if there was a way...it's a broken pathetic loser...

Thanks everyone. Dodged a bullet there...

Good lord, she sounds like Miss Trailer Park Queen 2013. What exactly WAS it that your husband supposedly 'fell in love' WITH?

I think it's his d*ck talking.

Holy smokes Nora. She sounds AWFUL!! I'd give up ALL my redeeming qualities physically to not have those character flaws...

I guess since I have both ugly and pretty in my case, it helps me to realize that it has nothing to do with me.. Seems like a lot of waywards have an ugly OW and the betrayed thinks, "He left me for that?? " And other waywards have a pretty OW and the betrayed thinks, "No wonder he left me. " And both of these are so very wrong..

All the focus here should be solely on your husband and his choices and not on the OW. I hope he's trying to figure out why he risked his marriage for this..

Hugs..

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 10:50 AM, May 26th (Sunday)]

It was a combination of things...

He thought he could help her, she was mentally ill and a mess, it made him feel superior (he was going through anxiety and depression - and our family was going through some trials)...her interest in him made him feel attractive, said he felt 17 again, and of course - figured what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me...

He was bored, antsy - a mid-life crisis - slippery boundaries that led to this mess...she was all fun fun - party, alcohol, drugs - whatever feels good - while life with me was responsibility, a troubled teenaged daughter, a newly adult son failing out of college due to poor choices - ugh ...I'm sure none of this gets to the why of it - she convinced him they were doing nothing wrong - as I pointed out to him, she herself had never been committed to a relationship - always with a man on the side to give her attention - so how was she going to be a positive influence in his life.... All sucky stuff for a man spiralling out of control - addicted to the high of the secret friendship...needing those ego kibbles - two very sick souls who only made each other sicker for their own selfish needs.

The why is somewhere in that mess - its his cross to bear - but I know I will never R again - this is it - I'm giving it all I can - and he is too ...but should things fall back to where they were, I will mourn the man I thought he'd become and move onto a new chapter in my life. That - you can take to the bank.